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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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[upbeat music]

4
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What are you?
A dog or a cow?

5
00:00:36,291 --> 00:00:38,625
I'm a dog, but not just a dog.

6
00:00:38,625 --> 00:00:41,041
I'm a dog with a boner.
Check it out!

7
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,250
[pen clicking]

8
00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:44,083
[boys laughing]

9
00:00:44,083 --> 00:00:47,541
Well, there it is.
Is the poop ready?

10
00:00:47,541 --> 00:00:49,458
That's a roger on the poop.

11
00:00:49,958 --> 00:00:51,958
Oh, holy crap,
how big was that dog?

12
00:00:51,958 --> 00:00:53,833
Small, but there was
seven of them.

13
00:00:53,833 --> 00:00:55,666
[dog barking in distance]

14
00:00:55,666 --> 00:00:58,333
I'll give you three reasons
why this is a bad idea.

15
00:00:58,333 --> 00:01:00,458
One, cops. Two, dogs.

16
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Three, NRA front door.

17
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[JT] Quit worrying, Dean.
These people deserve it.

18
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They never give out candy.

19
00:01:07,208 --> 00:01:09,541
Yeah, but remember last time
we pulled something like this?

20
00:01:09,541 --> 00:01:11,125
Dean got his arm broke.

21
00:01:11,125 --> 00:01:13,541
That's because he ran off alone
and fell in a ditch.

22
00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:15,291
If he just sticks with us,
he'll be fine.

23
00:01:15,291 --> 00:01:18,041
Come on! Let's do this.

24
00:01:18,666 --> 00:01:20,208
[whispering] Okay...

25
00:01:20,958 --> 00:01:24,000
[upbeat music]

26
00:01:28,083 --> 00:01:30,041
[lighter clicking]

27
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- [doorbell chimes]
- Go!

28
00:01:44,750 --> 00:01:46,583
[boys chuckling]

29
00:01:48,666 --> 00:01:50,583
[Dean] Ahh, uh-oh...

30
00:01:50,583 --> 00:01:52,625
It's getting kinda big-ish.

31
00:01:52,625 --> 00:01:54,583
[fire sizzling]

32
00:01:54,583 --> 00:01:56,666
- Come on!
- Quick!

33
00:01:56,666 --> 00:01:58,125
[crashing]

34
00:01:58,125 --> 00:02:01,583
[boys grunting]

35
00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:06,083
No!

36
00:02:06,083 --> 00:02:08,166
[splattering]

37
00:02:08,166 --> 00:02:09,500
[coughing and groaning]

38
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[JT] Doo-doo in mouth!
Doo-doo in mouth!

39
00:02:11,583 --> 00:02:12,666
Let's get out of here!

40
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,541
We can't -
there's people in there!

41
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[banging]

42
00:02:18,250 --> 00:02:19,875
[Dean] Don't shoot!
Don't shoot!

43
00:02:19,875 --> 00:02:21,416
The scarecrow set
your house on fire.

44
00:02:23,333 --> 00:02:25,666
No one's home.
We gotta call 911!

45
00:02:25,666 --> 00:02:28,666
Dude! You're seriously
overreacting.

46
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[kids screaming]

47
00:02:31,250 --> 00:02:32,666
Call 911!

48
00:02:32,666 --> 00:02:35,625
Hey, look!
They do give out candy.

49
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[fire alarm beeping]

50
00:02:36,625 --> 00:02:37,875
We're so dead!

51
00:02:37,875 --> 00:02:40,208
Oh, my God!
My father's going to kill me.

52
00:02:40,208 --> 00:02:42,625
Come on, let's go.
Let's get out of here.

53
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Wait! Wait a second,
I got an idea.

54
00:02:48,791 --> 00:02:50,875
- Who's got a pen?
- Use Wes's dick!

55
00:02:50,875 --> 00:02:52,916
Quick! Give me a first name.

56
00:02:52,916 --> 00:02:54,041
Zeus!

57
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A kid's name!

58
00:02:55,083 --> 00:02:56,958
- Ricky!
- Okay.

59
00:02:58,000 --> 00:02:59,208
[Dean] Now a last name.

60
00:02:59,208 --> 00:03:00,333
I got it! Stanton.

61
00:03:02,541 --> 00:03:04,291
Wait, no! What?
That's my last name.

62
00:03:04,291 --> 00:03:06,750
So? Your first name's
not Ricky.

63
00:03:06,750 --> 00:03:08,125
[exasperated groan]

64
00:03:09,625 --> 00:03:11,166
- Come on.
- Come on.

65
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Go!

66
00:03:14,416 --> 00:03:15,708
[siren approaching]

67
00:03:16,375 --> 00:03:19,541
- [water spraying]
- [fire crew chattering]

68
00:03:21,583 --> 00:03:22,916
Check this out.

69
00:03:22,916 --> 00:03:25,833
Numb-nuts kid caught his jacket
on fire during his prank.

70
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Here's the best part.

71
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His mommy
wrote his name on the collar.

72
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[fireman] 'Ricky Stanicky'?

73
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[laughing] Dumb shit.

74
00:03:32,916 --> 00:03:34,458
Bad news, Chief.
Just heard back.

75
00:03:34,458 --> 00:03:36,333
No Stanickys
in the school district.

76
00:03:36,333 --> 00:03:37,916
Kid must be from out of town.

77
00:03:37,916 --> 00:03:39,041
Shit.

78
00:03:40,666 --> 00:03:43,375
I can't believe
that actually worked.

79
00:03:43,375 --> 00:03:47,875
Guys, I think we just
made a friend for life.

80
00:03:47,875 --> 00:03:50,791
[all chuckle]

81
00:03:54,375 --> 00:03:56,916
["Oil" by Gorillaz plays]

82
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[mutters angrily]

83
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[steam blasting]

84
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[arrows pinging]

85
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[bees buzzing]

86
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[children screaming]

87
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[mower accelerating]

88
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♪ Then I put my codes ♪

89
00:04:25,291 --> 00:04:27,541
♪ In the machine ♪

90
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♪ But the world I found ♪

91
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♪ Was made of faulty dreams ♪

92
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♪ Of faulty dreams ♪

93
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♪ Fairy-like companions ♪

94
00:04:40,750 --> 00:04:44,500
♪ To the dark maths
That catapult ♪

95
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♪ Us into imagined worlds ♪

96
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♪ Seems a mockery remote ♪

97
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[man on TV]
Want to grab a quick drink?

98
00:05:03,916 --> 00:05:05,875
Why would you
have a quick drink...

99
00:05:05,875 --> 00:05:06,916
[phone chimes]

100
00:05:07,416 --> 00:05:09,500
[man on TV] ...when you
can have the long drink?

101
00:05:09,500 --> 00:05:11,583
In Finland,
the happiest country on Earth,

102
00:05:11,583 --> 00:05:13,541
we invented the long drink...

103
00:05:13,541 --> 00:05:15,375
That's it for the beer
in the garage.

104
00:05:15,375 --> 00:05:17,166
Do we need to run out
and get more?

105
00:05:17,166 --> 00:05:18,750
No. That's perfect.

106
00:05:18,750 --> 00:05:20,125
You sure?

107
00:05:20,916 --> 00:05:23,208
- Yeah. The place looks amazing.
- Yeah?

108
00:05:23,208 --> 00:05:24,875
Maybe this would be
a good side hustle for us.

109
00:05:24,875 --> 00:05:25,916
[laughs]

110
00:05:25,916 --> 00:05:27,750
Erin and Dean's baby showers.

111
00:05:27,750 --> 00:05:29,500
- I like it.
- Yeah.

112
00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:31,208
And that's when
Gilbert Gines realized

113
00:05:31,208 --> 00:05:33,458
that the answer
to gang violence

114
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may be found in the spit-valve
of a well-worn trumpet.

115
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What is this?

116
00:05:38,083 --> 00:05:39,875
Uh, it's a show called
'Hero of the Week'.

117
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It's about everyday people
who do these incredible things.

118
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My producer at Channel 6
wants me to submit for it.

119
00:05:44,875 --> 00:05:46,583
He says he has
a good contact there.

120
00:05:46,583 --> 00:05:47,833
Well, what are you waiting for?

121
00:05:47,833 --> 00:05:50,208
Well, if I want MFMBC
to notice me,

122
00:05:50,208 --> 00:05:52,125
what I need are
better assignments,

123
00:05:52,125 --> 00:05:55,375
but all I get are these
babies-who-Tweet stories.

124
00:05:55,958 --> 00:05:56,958
Mm!

125
00:05:56,958 --> 00:05:58,250
Speaking of babies,

126
00:05:58,250 --> 00:06:01,041
can you please hang these
pictures up for me, over there.

127
00:06:01,041 --> 00:06:02,875
It's JT and Susan's
baby pictures.

128
00:06:03,791 --> 00:06:07,125
Jesus, God! Was JT
born with adult teeth?

129
00:06:07,125 --> 00:06:09,916
Oh, come on, his teeth
are cute. Look at that.

130
00:06:09,916 --> 00:06:12,541
Cute? He looks like
hillbilly Hitler.

131
00:06:12,541 --> 00:06:13,625
[Erin chuckles]

132
00:06:13,625 --> 00:06:15,916
- You think all babies are cute.
- All babies are cute.

133
00:06:15,916 --> 00:06:17,666
Yeah, sure.

134
00:06:17,666 --> 00:06:19,958
And the remotes are
sticky for like 20 years.

135
00:06:19,958 --> 00:06:21,208
Well, there are good things

136
00:06:21,208 --> 00:06:22,541
about having kids too,
you know.

137
00:06:22,541 --> 00:06:24,333
- Really?
- Yeah.

138
00:06:24,333 --> 00:06:26,625
I don't remember my parents
feeling that way.

139
00:06:27,375 --> 00:06:29,666
You don't think your parents
enjoyed having kids?

140
00:06:30,375 --> 00:06:32,791
It doesn't matter.
What we have is way better.

141
00:06:32,791 --> 00:06:34,291
It's what we always
talked about.

142
00:06:34,291 --> 00:06:35,291
Hmm.

143
00:06:35,875 --> 00:06:37,166
I love you.

144
00:06:38,041 --> 00:06:39,125
You love me.

145
00:06:39,625 --> 00:06:42,041
- We love Paul.
- Hmm.

146
00:06:43,375 --> 00:06:45,291
- And we don't need anyone else.
- [door opens]

147
00:06:45,291 --> 00:06:47,458
Oh, my God!
JT, leave me alone!

148
00:06:47,458 --> 00:06:50,666
It is my baby shower, I'm going
to have one drink. One!

149
00:06:50,666 --> 00:06:52,583
Dr. Kurihara said
it is perfectly fine. Hello.

150
00:06:52,583 --> 00:06:55,166
Dr. Kurihara is part of
the medical industrial complex,

151
00:06:55,166 --> 00:06:57,375
and Midwife Maggie said
you're on a strict vegan diet

152
00:06:57,375 --> 00:06:59,041
and absolutely no alcohol.

153
00:06:59,041 --> 00:07:01,916
Okay, well you are not Midwife
Maggie, you are my husband.

154
00:07:01,916 --> 00:07:04,208
Yeah, I know,
but I'm also Daddy Doula.

155
00:07:04,208 --> 00:07:05,875
- That's my job.
- You gotta stop saying that.

156
00:07:05,875 --> 00:07:07,375
You're going to make
the baby throw up.

157
00:07:07,375 --> 00:07:09,291
They can't... Can they
throw up inside of there?

158
00:07:09,291 --> 00:07:10,750
Wait, JT's your doula?

159
00:07:10,750 --> 00:07:13,166
Yeah, he also wants to be naked
when the baby is born.

160
00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:14,875
- Don't you?
- I don't want to be naked.

161
00:07:14,875 --> 00:07:16,416
I just want my shirt off, okay,

162
00:07:16,416 --> 00:07:18,208
for the first embrace,
skin to skin.

163
00:07:18,208 --> 00:07:20,083
- It's a bonding thing.
- [cell phone ringing]

164
00:07:20,083 --> 00:07:21,541
- Good.
- Hey, you better get that.

165
00:07:21,541 --> 00:07:23,458
That's the fourth time Ricky
called in, like, 20 minutes.

166
00:07:23,458 --> 00:07:24,541
Yeah, see what he wants, man.

167
00:07:24,541 --> 00:07:25,750
He's been blowing me up
all day.

168
00:07:25,750 --> 00:07:27,583
- Really?
- [JT] Yeah.

169
00:07:27,583 --> 00:07:29,000
All right.

170
00:07:29,875 --> 00:07:32,333
Stanicky! What up, man?
How's it going?

171
00:07:32,333 --> 00:07:34,458
[Erin] I'm going to get you
a tea, not wine, don't drink.

172
00:07:34,458 --> 00:07:37,541
Yeah, hey I'm in the middle of
something right now. I just...

173
00:07:40,458 --> 00:07:41,791
Are you serious?

174
00:07:43,875 --> 00:07:46,333
Uh-huh. Okay.

175
00:07:48,916 --> 00:07:51,291
Well, just do me a favor
and have someone call me

176
00:07:51,291 --> 00:07:53,083
when you get out
of surgery, all right?

177
00:07:56,041 --> 00:07:57,541
So you're all alone?

178
00:07:58,666 --> 00:08:00,375
Shit, man, that sucks.

179
00:08:00,875 --> 00:08:01,958
All right, hang in there.

180
00:08:01,958 --> 00:08:03,541
We'll all be sending you
positive vibes

181
00:08:03,541 --> 00:08:05,083
from over here, buddy.

182
00:08:07,125 --> 00:08:08,375
Love you too, man.

183
00:08:09,166 --> 00:08:11,208
What's going on?
What did he say?

184
00:08:12,208 --> 00:08:13,666
It's back.

185
00:08:14,166 --> 00:08:15,166
What's back?

186
00:08:15,666 --> 00:08:18,125
- The cancer.
- Oh, God.

187
00:08:18,125 --> 00:08:19,916
I thought he was
out of the woods.

188
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:20,958
[Susan] Poor guy.

189
00:08:21,916 --> 00:08:24,000
Are they going to
have to remove the...

190
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,625
...other testicle?

191
00:08:25,625 --> 00:08:27,208
And can they even do that?

192
00:08:27,208 --> 00:08:28,958
I thought you needed
at least one to live.

193
00:08:28,958 --> 00:08:31,000
What? No!
That's kidneys, dumbo.

194
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,708
Where is he?

195
00:08:32,708 --> 00:08:34,458
He's in a hospital in Albany.

196
00:08:34,458 --> 00:08:36,458
Albany? Why is he in Albany?

197
00:08:36,458 --> 00:08:38,708
He flew in from Nairobi
to meet with some non-profits

198
00:08:38,708 --> 00:08:40,875
and he had an attack.

199
00:08:40,875 --> 00:08:42,500
They're gonna
open him up tonight.

200
00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:44,083
Dean, you should
drive out there.

201
00:08:44,083 --> 00:08:45,250
The poor guy's all alone.

202
00:08:45,250 --> 00:08:47,333
I can't go tonight.
What about the baby shower?

203
00:08:47,333 --> 00:08:48,916
And Summerhayes
is going to be here.

204
00:08:48,916 --> 00:08:50,458
What? You're worried
about your boss?

205
00:08:50,458 --> 00:08:51,750
Come on, he's just business.

206
00:08:51,750 --> 00:08:53,875
Ricky's been there for you guys
your whole lives.

207
00:08:53,875 --> 00:08:56,166
Dude, just go.
I've got Summerhayes covered.

208
00:08:56,166 --> 00:08:58,083
What? No, no, no, no.

209
00:08:58,083 --> 00:08:59,166
You should call him

210
00:08:59,166 --> 00:09:00,833
and tell him you have
a family emergency.

211
00:09:00,833 --> 00:09:02,083
You should go with Dean.

212
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:04,500
Are you serious? Babe,
we can't both bail on the boss.

213
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:05,958
Yes! Yes, you can.

214
00:09:05,958 --> 00:09:07,458
I mean, he'll probably
be relieved

215
00:09:07,458 --> 00:09:09,375
that he doesn't have to
go to a baby shower.

216
00:09:11,541 --> 00:09:14,833
Well, looks like
we're going to Albany.

217
00:09:14,833 --> 00:09:15,875
You were right, man -

218
00:09:15,875 --> 00:09:17,916
the Summerhayes thing
totally put it over the top.

219
00:09:17,916 --> 00:09:19,583
The Devil's in the details,
my friend.

220
00:09:19,583 --> 00:09:21,041
What the hell
took y'all so long?

221
00:09:21,041 --> 00:09:22,750
- The flight leaves in an hour.
- Oh, sorry.

222
00:09:22,750 --> 00:09:23,958
We were doing all the work

223
00:09:23,958 --> 00:09:26,000
executing our brilliant
last-minute plan.

224
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,208
Who made the Stanicky calls?

225
00:09:27,208 --> 00:09:29,166
Who cares who did what, Wes?
The point is it worked.

226
00:09:29,166 --> 00:09:30,500
We got out of a baby shower,

227
00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:32,166
and we got tickets
to Marc-fucking-Rebillet!

228
00:09:32,166 --> 00:09:33,166
- [grunts excitedly]
- Whoo!

229
00:09:33,166 --> 00:09:35,250
- How'd you score those babies?
- Yeah, this guy we work with

230
00:09:35,250 --> 00:09:36,666
broke one of his ankles
last night.

231
00:09:36,666 --> 00:09:39,208
He fell out of a tree trying
to get his kid's balloon.

232
00:09:39,208 --> 00:09:40,791
- Poor guy.
- So we got his tickets.

233
00:09:40,791 --> 00:09:42,333
Goddamn, y'all so lucky, man!

234
00:09:42,333 --> 00:09:44,083
This kind of shit
happens to you all the time.

235
00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:46,250
Hey! Good things happen
to good people.

236
00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:48,416
That's right.
Atlantic City, here we come.

237
00:09:48,416 --> 00:09:49,625
Let's tear New Jersey
a new armpit!

238
00:09:49,625 --> 00:09:50,625
Whoa!

239
00:09:51,916 --> 00:09:53,916
[JT] It's not the same
but it feels just as good.

240
00:09:53,916 --> 00:09:56,375
I mean, you just have to have
sex on the side like a walrus.

241
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,541
[Wes] Won't that dent
the baby's head?

242
00:09:58,541 --> 00:10:01,375
I had a friend named Liam, and
his head got all dick-dented.

243
00:10:01,916 --> 00:10:05,000
I think maybe his mother
had a short vagina.

244
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,916
[sighing] Just looking out
for baby Whitaker.

245
00:10:06,916 --> 00:10:08,333
So you still going with
Whitaker, huh?

246
00:10:08,333 --> 00:10:10,125
We are!
It's a family name. All right?

247
00:10:10,125 --> 00:10:11,541
- Oh, that's nice.
- [JT] Yeah, thank you.

248
00:10:11,541 --> 00:10:13,250
You guys know the rules.

249
00:10:13,250 --> 00:10:15,041
Phones off,
so we don't get tracked.

250
00:10:15,041 --> 00:10:16,208
- Mm-hm.
- Yep.

251
00:10:17,333 --> 00:10:18,916
- All right. Wes.
- I'm Wes.

252
00:10:18,916 --> 00:10:20,041
- Bible!
- Ooh.

253
00:10:20,583 --> 00:10:22,375
[Wes] All right...

254
00:10:23,125 --> 00:10:24,625
What we got?

255
00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:26,458
- Ricky's cancer's back.
- Oh, no.

256
00:10:26,458 --> 00:10:28,541
[Dean] Emergency surgery
in Albany.

257
00:10:28,541 --> 00:10:32,000
[Wes] Oh, that's terrible.
Emergency surgery...

258
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,791
Hey, why does it
have to be cancer?

259
00:10:33,791 --> 00:10:35,291
Like, won't everybody
get worried?

260
00:10:35,291 --> 00:10:36,583
That mean I gotta
do chemo again?

261
00:10:36,583 --> 00:10:39,875
Yeah, and that's going to take
us right into the World Series.

262
00:10:39,875 --> 00:10:41,583
- Ahh.
- Boom!

263
00:10:42,291 --> 00:10:45,375
All right, one final bit
of business before we land.

264
00:10:45,375 --> 00:10:47,625
Stanicky phone. Let's get this
Instagram out of the way.

265
00:10:47,625 --> 00:10:49,083
There we go.

266
00:10:51,333 --> 00:10:53,541
-"Life is precious."
- It is.

267
00:10:53,541 --> 00:10:55,833
-"And so is friendship."
- Hmm.

268
00:10:55,833 --> 00:10:58,500
"Thanks to my boys
for being here for me."

269
00:10:59,125 --> 00:11:00,125
Good.

270
00:11:00,125 --> 00:11:02,083
All right, are we done?
Is it get drunk time?

271
00:11:02,083 --> 00:11:04,000
- Yeah.
- A toast!

272
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:05,375
To Ricky Stanicky.

273
00:11:05,375 --> 00:11:07,083
[Wes and JT] To Ricky Stanicky.

274
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:09,291
The best friend we never had.

275
00:11:09,875 --> 00:11:11,000
Yoo!

276
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:14,250
["Your New Morning Alarm"
by Marc Rebillet plays]

277
00:11:14,250 --> 00:11:16,875
[crowd cheering]

278
00:11:16,875 --> 00:11:18,500
♪ Get the fuck out of bed
Bitch, go! ♪

279
00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:22,625
- [crowd cheering]
- [loud techno music blares]

280
00:11:22,625 --> 00:11:24,750
♪ Get up, get up!
You gotta go, gah! ♪

281
00:11:28,166 --> 00:11:29,916
♪ Wake up, time to wake up
Bitch, get up! ♪

282
00:11:29,916 --> 00:11:33,166
- [explosions]
- [crowd cheering]

283
00:11:38,708 --> 00:11:42,541
[loud techno music blares]

284
00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:50,958
[crowd cheering and whooping]

285
00:11:51,958 --> 00:11:53,875
- [music ends]
- [Dean] Woo-hoo-hoo!

286
00:11:53,875 --> 00:11:56,333
God, that was good!
That was amazing!

287
00:11:56,333 --> 00:11:59,125
- Thank you, Ricky Stanicky.
- The fucking Loop Daddy!

288
00:11:59,125 --> 00:12:00,291
Unbelievable, dude.

289
00:12:00,291 --> 00:12:02,500
It makes all that guilt
I'm feeling totally worthwhile.

290
00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:04,375
Why do we even
have to feel guilt?

291
00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:05,625
We could have just told them.

292
00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:07,375
You know, and cut out
that whole angst part.

293
00:12:07,375 --> 00:12:09,125
No, because
the Rebillet tickets

294
00:12:09,125 --> 00:12:10,750
fell into our lap this morning,

295
00:12:10,750 --> 00:12:12,875
and the girls have had the baby
shower planned for weeks.

296
00:12:12,875 --> 00:12:14,458
Yeah.
Yeah, but they're strong women.

297
00:12:14,458 --> 00:12:16,125
I'm sure
they would've gotten over

298
00:12:16,125 --> 00:12:17,625
us skipping one little party.

299
00:12:17,625 --> 00:12:20,958
It's not one little party.
It's my baby shower.

300
00:12:22,250 --> 00:12:23,791
[Wes] Oh, a Jack and Coke.

301
00:12:23,791 --> 00:12:25,916
I'll have a Dos Equis, please.
Hoo!

302
00:12:25,916 --> 00:12:28,916
Do you have, uh...
do you have organic vodka?

303
00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:32,750
Just any vodka, it's all...

304
00:12:32,750 --> 00:12:34,250
- Anything.
- Thank you.

305
00:12:34,750 --> 00:12:36,791
Speaking of vodka,
I'll take a Belvedere, neat,

306
00:12:36,791 --> 00:12:38,375
and a plate of
your crispiest calamari.

307
00:12:38,375 --> 00:12:40,583
No, no, Rod. No! Bad!

308
00:12:40,583 --> 00:12:42,208
You keep freeloading
off the customers

309
00:12:42,208 --> 00:12:43,333
and you're out of here.

310
00:12:43,333 --> 00:12:45,125
[chuckling] He loves
giving me the business.

311
00:12:45,125 --> 00:12:47,333
Just to be clear,
I'm anything but a freeloader.

312
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:49,416
Just going to give you guys
a little 'squid pro quo'

313
00:12:49,416 --> 00:12:50,916
for the calamari.

314
00:12:50,916 --> 00:12:52,625
Really? Meaning?

315
00:12:52,625 --> 00:12:54,583
Oh, I do a midnight show
at the Slot Swamp Casino.

316
00:12:54,583 --> 00:12:56,875
I'll get you guys in,
half price.

317
00:12:56,875 --> 00:12:59,166
- What kind of show?
- Ah. Check this out.

318
00:13:00,875 --> 00:13:01,875
Boom!

319
00:13:01,875 --> 00:13:03,666
Oh, shit! Yo!

320
00:13:03,666 --> 00:13:05,083
"Rock Hard Rod -

321
00:13:05,083 --> 00:13:08,333
"South Jersey's premier X-rated
rock'n'roll impersonator".

322
00:13:09,750 --> 00:13:11,625
That's not as crazy
as it sounds.

323
00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:14,250
I mean, most of the songs
are just about masturbation,

324
00:13:14,250 --> 00:13:15,583
and we all do that, right?

325
00:13:16,125 --> 00:13:17,333
[chuckling] Yeah!

326
00:13:17,333 --> 00:13:19,750
Actually, Rod, I don't think
we'll be able to make the show,

327
00:13:19,750 --> 00:13:20,916
but we'll buy you a drink

328
00:13:20,916 --> 00:13:22,333
if you put
your jerk-off hand down.

329
00:13:22,333 --> 00:13:23,958
You drive a hard bargain, sir.

330
00:13:23,958 --> 00:13:27,500
So, you do a bunch of jerk-off
songs to make a living?

331
00:13:27,500 --> 00:13:28,833
[Rod] Yeah, I do a whole act.

332
00:13:28,833 --> 00:13:30,916
Wall-to-wall,
top-to-bottom jizz jams!

333
00:13:30,916 --> 00:13:33,000
You'll be surprised at how much
material lends itself to it.

334
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,250
I mean, 'Beat It',
Michael Jackson.

335
00:13:34,250 --> 00:13:35,875
'Wind Beneath My Wings',
Bette Midler.

336
00:13:35,875 --> 00:13:37,583
- Anything by The Strokes!
- Mm.

337
00:13:37,583 --> 00:13:39,041
Yeah, and I'm the only one
in the world

338
00:13:39,041 --> 00:13:40,083
that's figured it out.

339
00:13:40,083 --> 00:13:43,250
Yeah, it's almost
hard to believe.

340
00:13:43,250 --> 00:13:44,833
Oh, Barry,
my dear friends here

341
00:13:44,833 --> 00:13:46,291
will buy me that drink
after all.

342
00:13:46,791 --> 00:13:48,000
Oh, yeah,
I also do impressions.

343
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,083
You name it, I can do it.
I'm a trained actor, you know.

344
00:13:50,083 --> 00:13:52,000
- I got a good one for you, Rod.
- Yeah?

345
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,000
Why don't you do the guy
that gets the fuck out of here

346
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,583
before I call security?

347
00:13:55,583 --> 00:13:57,416
No, no, no, it's okay.
It's okay.

348
00:13:57,416 --> 00:13:58,541
I think we'd like to see this.

349
00:13:58,541 --> 00:14:00,125
And go ahead
and bring him that drink.

350
00:14:00,125 --> 00:14:03,458
Ha!
And the calamari, Bar-ry!

351
00:14:03,458 --> 00:14:05,625
[chuckling] Dickhead!
Love that guy.

352
00:14:05,625 --> 00:14:07,333
So, who do you guys
want me to do?

353
00:14:07,333 --> 00:14:09,916
You, er, I don't know,
you like Owen Wilson?

354
00:14:10,458 --> 00:14:11,958
- Sure.
- We love Owen Wilson.

355
00:14:11,958 --> 00:14:14,250
- Yeah, that's fine.
- I would love some Owen Wilson.

356
00:14:17,250 --> 00:14:19,041
[mimics Owen Wilson's voice]
Wow!

357
00:14:19,041 --> 00:14:20,916
Where in the history
of our relationship

358
00:14:20,916 --> 00:14:22,958
did you think
I couldn't do an impersonation

359
00:14:22,958 --> 00:14:25,000
of somebody as adorable
as The Big O?

360
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,833
That is an excellent Owen
Wilson. That's a good Owen.

361
00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:28,958
- It's okay.
- Wow.

362
00:14:28,958 --> 00:14:30,916
- [JT] It's not that good.
- Thank you. Oh, er...

363
00:14:30,916 --> 00:14:33,083
- I'm just...
- [Wes] Calamari's here, man.

364
00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:35,666
[slurps noisily]

365
00:14:36,916 --> 00:14:38,458
All right,
an oldie but a goodie.

366
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:42,375
[smoky woman's voice]
Take a look at this tit, kid.

367
00:14:42,375 --> 00:14:44,166
Probably the last one
you're ever going to see

368
00:14:44,166 --> 00:14:45,416
for the rest of your life.

369
00:14:45,916 --> 00:14:47,750
[little boy's voice]
Don't drink no more, Momma.

370
00:14:47,750 --> 00:14:49,250
You're real mean
when you drink stuff.

371
00:14:49,250 --> 00:14:51,500
[woman's voice] Quit your
bitchin', ya sloppy punk.

372
00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:53,166
You wanna know how
you was hatched?

373
00:14:53,166 --> 00:14:55,875
Your old man
was basting my rump roast

374
00:14:55,875 --> 00:14:57,958
and some of it dribbled
into my woolly burger.

375
00:14:57,958 --> 00:14:59,750
You know what
that makes you?

376
00:14:59,750 --> 00:15:01,750
[laughs] A shit baby!

377
00:15:01,750 --> 00:15:03,750
That's right,
you're nothing but shit,

378
00:15:03,750 --> 00:15:05,416
and you always will be!

379
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,458
Is... is that from
'Downton Abbey'?

380
00:15:09,666 --> 00:15:11,833
That was, er...

381
00:15:11,833 --> 00:15:14,375
just a little skit
from my childhood.

382
00:15:19,625 --> 00:15:20,666
[Dean] Er, yeah...

383
00:15:20,666 --> 00:15:22,833
I think it's time
to hit the tables, boys. Huh?

384
00:15:22,833 --> 00:15:24,791
Right on. Where are we going?

385
00:15:24,791 --> 00:15:26,416
Copper Bonnet's the only place
on the boardwalk

386
00:15:26,416 --> 00:15:27,416
with 50-cent tables.

387
00:15:27,416 --> 00:15:29,291
Not as many hookers,
but they're friendlier -

388
00:15:29,291 --> 00:15:30,416
they don't get weirded out

389
00:15:30,416 --> 00:15:31,833
when you just wanna
brush their hair.

390
00:15:31,833 --> 00:15:34,041
Yeah, Rod, I think we're just
going to stay around here.

391
00:15:34,041 --> 00:15:36,541
Oh, here's great. I'm friends
with the bartender, Barry.

392
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:41,333
Hey, Hard-on Ronnie,
we are doing our own thing.

393
00:15:41,333 --> 00:15:43,125
We got our thing going on,

394
00:15:43,125 --> 00:15:46,166
and we're probably
just gonna...

395
00:15:46,166 --> 00:15:47,958
leave you.

396
00:15:52,500 --> 00:15:54,375
Okay, I can take a hint.

397
00:15:55,375 --> 00:15:56,375
You guys look at me

398
00:15:56,375 --> 00:15:58,333
and you just see another
scumbag impersonator, right?

399
00:15:58,333 --> 00:16:01,083
Thanks for understanding, man.
You're a good dude.

400
00:16:05,333 --> 00:16:07,791
- What the hell, man?
- What?

401
00:16:07,791 --> 00:16:09,666
You didn't have to be
so mean about it.

402
00:16:10,416 --> 00:16:12,333
What? I wasn't...
What did I do?

403
00:16:13,208 --> 00:16:14,708
What? Was I being an asshole?

404
00:16:14,708 --> 00:16:16,791
Well, you called him
'Hard-on Ronnie'.

405
00:16:16,791 --> 00:16:18,666
It's 'Rock Hard Rod'.

406
00:16:18,666 --> 00:16:20,625
Ohh, right, I'm so sorry.

407
00:16:20,625 --> 00:16:22,166
I didn't know
Weird Al Wankovic

408
00:16:22,166 --> 00:16:23,833
would be so sensitive.

409
00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:27,083
Rod! Hey, Rod!

410
00:16:27,916 --> 00:16:28,916
These are mine.

411
00:16:28,916 --> 00:16:31,583
I just wanted to say sorry for
what happened back there.

412
00:16:31,583 --> 00:16:33,000
My friends...

413
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,500
they just want it to be
some kind of reunion, just us,

414
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:37,125
but that wasn't cool, so...

415
00:16:38,458 --> 00:16:40,750
Whatever, I get it.
Happens all the time.

416
00:16:41,666 --> 00:16:43,458
You guys come in to AC

417
00:16:43,458 --> 00:16:46,125
with your Toyota Avalons and
your anesthesiologist money.

418
00:16:46,125 --> 00:16:48,000
Strutting around
like a bunch of big shots.

419
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:49,416
Let me tell you something.

420
00:16:49,416 --> 00:16:50,916
We lost Joan Rivers
and Michael Jackson

421
00:16:50,916 --> 00:16:52,291
because of you fuckers, okay?

422
00:16:52,291 --> 00:16:54,500
None of us are
anesthesiologists.

423
00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:57,000
Not here for the convention?

424
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,208
No.

425
00:16:59,833 --> 00:17:01,500
Hey, I get it, man.

426
00:17:01,500 --> 00:17:04,041
You look at me and see another
asshole sideshow freak, right?

427
00:17:04,041 --> 00:17:05,708
- Not at all.
- I'm more than that.

428
00:17:05,708 --> 00:17:07,666
I'm a damn good actor.

429
00:17:08,375 --> 00:17:09,708
You'll see.

430
00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:11,500
Shit!

431
00:17:18,583 --> 00:17:20,083
Who are they?

432
00:17:20,083 --> 00:17:21,708
Crazy fans
I was trying to avoid.

433
00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:25,208
Anyway, I gotta run.
Hey, take my card.

434
00:17:27,083 --> 00:17:28,166
Remember that name.

435
00:17:28,166 --> 00:17:30,125
I promise it's going to mean
something to you some day.

436
00:17:30,125 --> 00:17:32,041
I would not be surprised.

437
00:17:33,958 --> 00:17:35,291
[slurps noisily]

438
00:17:42,125 --> 00:17:43,875
Oh! Jeez.

439
00:17:49,791 --> 00:17:51,875
[cell phone pinging]

440
00:18:00,416 --> 00:18:02,916
Oh, my God! Yes! Yes!

441
00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:04,166
[JT laughs]

442
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,958
- Give me my money right now!
- JT! JT!

443
00:18:05,958 --> 00:18:08,208
Not now, Dean. I'm on fire!

444
00:18:08,208 --> 00:18:10,416
And for once I'm going to leave
Atlantic City a winner!

445
00:18:10,416 --> 00:18:12,000
Susan's in labor.

446
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,291
[dramatic music]

447
00:18:16,375 --> 00:18:18,500
This was a bad idea.
I knew this was a bad idea.

448
00:18:18,500 --> 00:18:19,708
Don't friggin' do that, man.

449
00:18:19,708 --> 00:18:21,750
You're 'Monday morning
quarterbacking' right now.

450
00:18:21,750 --> 00:18:23,833
Who could've figured she'd go
into labor six weeks early?

451
00:18:23,833 --> 00:18:27,125
Six weeks! My baby's going to
be born six weeks early.

452
00:18:27,125 --> 00:18:29,291
- Is he going to be okay?
- The baby's going to fine.

453
00:18:29,291 --> 00:18:31,500
Babies are born
six weeks early all the time.

454
00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:33,208
I was born six weeks early.

455
00:18:33,208 --> 00:18:35,250
Oh, shit! Go, go, go! Go!

456
00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:46,708
Susan Levine.
What room is she in?

457
00:18:47,666 --> 00:18:49,416
- Levine?
- Yeah, Levine.

458
00:18:49,958 --> 00:18:53,083
Ah, here we are.
She and the baby are in 208.

459
00:18:54,125 --> 00:18:55,708
She had the baby?!

460
00:18:55,708 --> 00:18:57,541
[JT] Oh, baby Whitaker.

461
00:18:58,041 --> 00:18:59,916
This was not the birth plan
I had for you.

462
00:19:00,541 --> 00:19:02,625
I wanted you born on the shores
of Goosewing Beach.

463
00:19:02,625 --> 00:19:04,333
You know what
my birth plan was?

464
00:19:04,333 --> 00:19:06,291
For you to actually be here.

465
00:19:06,291 --> 00:19:08,208
Why isn't he wearing a shirt?

466
00:19:08,208 --> 00:19:10,666
I'm having skin-to-skin
contact with my son, Leona.

467
00:19:10,666 --> 00:19:13,125
It's a proven way of regulating
a newborn baby's temperature,

468
00:19:13,125 --> 00:19:14,625
and it calms him, thank you.

469
00:19:14,625 --> 00:19:16,166
Don't blankets do that?

470
00:19:16,666 --> 00:19:19,500
Oh, he is such a little peanut.

471
00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:22,083
We should call him Shrimpy,
he's such a little peanut.

472
00:19:22,083 --> 00:19:25,083
Please don't call
my grandson 'Shrimpy'.

473
00:19:25,083 --> 00:19:27,333
Shrimps are
the cockroaches of the sea.

474
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:30,583
6lbs is pretty good for a month
and a half early, right, Mom?

475
00:19:30,583 --> 00:19:32,708
Oh, he's perfect. He's perfect.

476
00:19:32,708 --> 00:19:35,458
I want to know where the hell
you guys were tonight.

477
00:19:35,458 --> 00:19:37,625
We called every hospital
in Albany

478
00:19:37,625 --> 00:19:40,208
and there was no record
of a Ricky Stanicky.

479
00:19:40,208 --> 00:19:41,833
Yeah, and the last thing
you tell me

480
00:19:41,833 --> 00:19:44,166
is you got to go see him
because he's got...

481
00:19:44,166 --> 00:19:45,625
What kind of cancer?

482
00:19:46,208 --> 00:19:48,416
Er... anal.

483
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:50,625
I thought it was testicular.

484
00:19:50,625 --> 00:19:54,166
It was testicular, but then
it spread to his anus.

485
00:19:54,750 --> 00:19:56,916
Yeah, they had to remove it.

486
00:19:56,916 --> 00:19:58,208
They removed his asshole?

487
00:19:59,333 --> 00:20:02,458
Er... just the outer lip part.

488
00:20:02,458 --> 00:20:05,291
Outer lip part?
What is he, a fucking baboon?

489
00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:07,375
Come on, Wes.
What's going on here?

490
00:20:07,375 --> 00:20:08,958
Where were you?

491
00:20:12,750 --> 00:20:14,500
Okay.

492
00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:17,833
It was a lie.

493
00:20:19,125 --> 00:20:21,041
It's all been a lie.

494
00:20:21,583 --> 00:20:23,208
What's a lie?

495
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,208
The whole Ricky Stanicky thing.

496
00:20:27,083 --> 00:20:29,333
It was, uh...

497
00:20:29,333 --> 00:20:30,500
It's bullshit.

498
00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:32,500
JT, what's he talking about?

499
00:20:32,500 --> 00:20:34,208
Yeah, Dean,
what is he talking about?

500
00:20:35,833 --> 00:20:37,791
He's saying...

501
00:20:37,791 --> 00:20:40,291
Ricky Stanicky lied to us.

502
00:20:40,291 --> 00:20:42,708
Okay? There was no cancer.

503
00:20:42,708 --> 00:20:45,000
When we got to the hospital,
Ricky was standing out front

504
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:46,708
with a bottle of champagne
and a limo.

505
00:20:46,708 --> 00:20:48,750
Turns out that it was his
five-year anniversary

506
00:20:48,750 --> 00:20:50,541
being cancer free.

507
00:20:50,541 --> 00:20:53,625
So he pretended to have cancer

508
00:20:53,625 --> 00:20:56,375
just so he could celebrate
not having cancer?

509
00:20:56,375 --> 00:20:58,291
I... Yeah.

510
00:20:58,291 --> 00:20:59,416
It's typical Rick.

511
00:20:59,416 --> 00:21:01,375
You know, he's got
such a weird sense of humour.

512
00:21:01,375 --> 00:21:02,958
- [Dean] He does, yep.
- [Erin] Okay...

513
00:21:02,958 --> 00:21:05,500
He was in Albany meeting with
the Give Green Foundation,

514
00:21:05,500 --> 00:21:07,708
and I guess he just wanted
to celebrate with us.

515
00:21:07,708 --> 00:21:09,208
So he pranked us.

516
00:21:09,208 --> 00:21:11,791
The Give Green Foundation?

517
00:21:11,791 --> 00:21:14,416
Yeah. You've heard of them,
Leona. They're wonderful.

518
00:21:14,416 --> 00:21:18,000
Wait, why didn't you call us
and tell us that he was okay?

519
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,791
And why was your phone off
all night?

520
00:21:19,791 --> 00:21:21,333
Oh, baby, it was a whirlwind.

521
00:21:21,333 --> 00:21:22,916
Ricky took us
to a stand-up comedy show

522
00:21:22,916 --> 00:21:24,583
and they didn't
allow cell phones, so...

523
00:21:25,125 --> 00:21:27,208
And after that,
the night turned into a blur.

524
00:21:27,208 --> 00:21:29,458
You know I wanted
to be here for you for this.

525
00:21:29,458 --> 00:21:31,000
I wanted this more
than you did.

526
00:21:31,833 --> 00:21:33,208
Oh, get that baby
off that thing

527
00:21:33,208 --> 00:21:34,333
and give him to his mother.

528
00:21:34,333 --> 00:21:35,916
Oh, that is disgusting!

529
00:21:35,916 --> 00:21:39,208
No. It's dangerous to detach.
Let him suck it out.

530
00:21:40,250 --> 00:21:42,250
[whispers] Yeah. Good boy.

531
00:21:42,250 --> 00:21:44,000
This hippie-dippy crap.

532
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:46,000
Well, I'm certainly
going to give Ricky an earful

533
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,083
when I see him
at the bris next week.

534
00:21:48,083 --> 00:21:49,416
What's a bris?

535
00:21:49,416 --> 00:21:51,041
It's the circumcision ceremony.

536
00:21:51,041 --> 00:21:54,041
Oh! It sounds like a soup.

537
00:21:54,041 --> 00:21:56,458
You know, I doubt he's going to
be able to be there, sadly.

538
00:21:56,458 --> 00:21:57,541
Why not?

539
00:21:58,375 --> 00:22:00,125
He has work in Nairobi.

540
00:22:00,125 --> 00:22:01,458
No, he doesn't.

541
00:22:01,458 --> 00:22:03,208
Wes is helping him out
with some fundraiser

542
00:22:03,208 --> 00:22:04,750
in Providence
on Saturday night.

543
00:22:04,750 --> 00:22:06,333
[Wes clearing throat]

544
00:22:06,333 --> 00:22:08,625
I remember telling...
[voice breaks] I told you.

545
00:22:09,708 --> 00:22:10,833
Yeah.

546
00:22:10,833 --> 00:22:14,833
Great. Well, the bris is on
Sunday, so he can make it.

547
00:22:14,833 --> 00:22:18,166
Yeah, maybe. Unless he's got to
fly out early on Sunday.

548
00:22:18,166 --> 00:22:19,375
Well, that's ridiculous.

549
00:22:19,375 --> 00:22:20,916
Come on,
if he's in town on Saturday,

550
00:22:20,916 --> 00:22:23,208
why wouldn't he spend an extra
day to meet baby Whitaker?

551
00:22:23,208 --> 00:22:25,333
Yeah, why wouldn't he?

552
00:22:26,208 --> 00:22:29,458
You're absolutely right.
He should stay an extra day.

553
00:22:29,458 --> 00:22:31,416
In fact, I'm going to
make sure of it.

554
00:22:32,083 --> 00:22:33,416
[JT] What the fuck, Dean?

555
00:22:33,416 --> 00:22:34,875
What did you want me
to say, man?

556
00:22:34,875 --> 00:22:36,250
They were all staring at me.

557
00:22:36,250 --> 00:22:38,916
I look at you. You've got baby
Whitaker nursing on you.

558
00:22:38,916 --> 00:22:40,416
Horrible name, by the way.

559
00:22:40,416 --> 00:22:42,250
- I just--
- You panicked.

560
00:22:42,250 --> 00:22:43,500
I panicked?!

561
00:22:44,166 --> 00:22:46,500
What are you talk...?! You're
the one who almost outed us!

562
00:22:46,500 --> 00:22:47,833
And you made plans
with Stanicky!

563
00:22:47,833 --> 00:22:50,041
Ricky Stanicky is not
a one-man show. You know that!

564
00:22:50,041 --> 00:22:51,541
It's a fragile fabric, man.

565
00:22:51,541 --> 00:22:54,125
Ricky Stanicky is only to be
used as a three-man team.

566
00:22:54,125 --> 00:22:55,125
Huh.

567
00:22:55,125 --> 00:22:56,791
So, what about
the golf rounds with Ricky

568
00:22:56,791 --> 00:22:58,250
that JT charged
to your company?

569
00:22:58,250 --> 00:22:59,458
- You weren't there.
- What?

570
00:22:59,458 --> 00:23:01,000
I charged the rounds of golf

571
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:02,583
because you didn't
have any money.

572
00:23:02,583 --> 00:23:05,625
Seriously, Wes. What
happened in there, man?

573
00:23:06,500 --> 00:23:07,791
Look.

574
00:23:07,791 --> 00:23:10,250
Keith's been on my ass
about finding a job,

575
00:23:10,250 --> 00:23:12,500
and sleeping all day...

576
00:23:12,500 --> 00:23:14,750
and pumicing my foot-skin
over the sink.

577
00:23:14,750 --> 00:23:16,833
What the fuck does this
have to do with Stanicky?

578
00:23:16,833 --> 00:23:18,666
I needed a break!

579
00:23:18,666 --> 00:23:20,500
Keith can be very oppressive.

580
00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:22,125
Sometimes
I feel like I'm living

581
00:23:22,125 --> 00:23:23,541
in a gay 'Handmaid's Tale'.

582
00:23:24,333 --> 00:23:29,166
So I went to a pot farm, where
they make cannabis milk.

583
00:23:29,166 --> 00:23:31,166
You played the Stanicky card
to get pot milk?

584
00:23:31,166 --> 00:23:33,083
You never had milk
like this before.

585
00:23:33,083 --> 00:23:34,458
- No, I haven't.
- It's delicious.

586
00:23:34,458 --> 00:23:35,541
I hope!

587
00:23:35,541 --> 00:23:37,666
They must feed these
lucky cows weed all day,

588
00:23:37,666 --> 00:23:39,625
because when
they milk 'em - boom!

589
00:23:39,625 --> 00:23:41,291
[high-pitched] Dream cream!

590
00:23:41,291 --> 00:23:42,625
What did you just say?

591
00:23:42,625 --> 00:23:43,750
[high-pitched] Dream cream.

592
00:23:44,458 --> 00:23:45,583
Huh!

593
00:23:48,625 --> 00:23:51,416
We're fucked.
We're majorly fucked.

594
00:23:51,416 --> 00:23:53,125
You know, we don't
deserve this shit.

595
00:23:53,125 --> 00:23:54,541
All we did was tell one lie.

596
00:23:54,541 --> 00:23:57,083
Hundreds and hundreds of times
over many, many years.

597
00:23:58,083 --> 00:23:59,333
Hey, maybe they'll forget

598
00:23:59,333 --> 00:24:01,541
that they invited Stanicky
to the bris.

599
00:24:01,541 --> 00:24:03,666
They'll be so busy
with the family and friends,

600
00:24:03,666 --> 00:24:04,750
and cutting of penises.

601
00:24:04,750 --> 00:24:06,666
They're not going to forget
they invited him, Wes.

602
00:24:07,791 --> 00:24:09,416
I got it. My boy Jonesy.

603
00:24:09,416 --> 00:24:11,208
He works for one of
those online obituaries.

604
00:24:11,208 --> 00:24:13,083
We could kill Stanicky off.

605
00:24:13,083 --> 00:24:14,916
I like that.
Let's kill his ass.

606
00:24:14,916 --> 00:24:16,416
Put your hands down, shit nuts.

607
00:24:16,416 --> 00:24:19,916
Obituaries give details.
Friends, family, cemeteries.

608
00:24:19,916 --> 00:24:22,166
Plus then everyone's going to
want to go to the funeral.

609
00:24:22,166 --> 00:24:25,375
Okay, Dean,
your negativity is not helping.

610
00:24:27,458 --> 00:24:32,250
Or, uh, we could go do
my original plan...

611
00:24:33,166 --> 00:24:34,750
... and tell everybody
the truth.

612
00:24:34,750 --> 00:24:36,958
Shut your mouth.
Shut your stupid mouth.

613
00:24:36,958 --> 00:24:38,291
We're not telling the truth.

614
00:24:38,291 --> 00:24:39,916
There'll be no truth told, okay?

615
00:24:39,916 --> 00:24:41,708
We're going to do
the right thing here.

616
00:24:41,708 --> 00:24:43,291
Some would argue
that telling the truth

617
00:24:43,291 --> 00:24:44,500
is the right thing to do.

618
00:24:44,500 --> 00:24:45,666
Yeah - assholes!

619
00:24:45,666 --> 00:24:48,125
Let me remind you guys of
what the truth is, dream cream.

620
00:24:48,125 --> 00:24:49,583
Last night,
when I was in New Jersey

621
00:24:49,583 --> 00:24:51,750
secretly partying my face off
at the Marc Rebillet concert,

622
00:24:51,750 --> 00:24:53,166
my wife was giving birth
to my son.

623
00:24:53,166 --> 00:24:54,291
Alone! Okay?

624
00:24:54,291 --> 00:24:56,375
And if the truth does come out,
my marriage is over.

625
00:24:56,375 --> 00:24:58,416
And later, if my son finds out,
that's over too.

626
00:24:58,416 --> 00:24:59,583
Is that what you want, Wes?

627
00:24:59,583 --> 00:25:02,750
You want to destroy
an entire family, huh? Huh?

628
00:25:04,041 --> 00:25:06,291
- Huh?
- Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute.

629
00:25:06,291 --> 00:25:10,458
What if we hire an actor
to play Stanicky?

630
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:12,583
We give him the whole run-down.

631
00:25:12,583 --> 00:25:14,250
Tell him everything
he needs to know.

632
00:25:15,750 --> 00:25:17,333
Okay, okay, I like this.
Keep going.

633
00:25:17,333 --> 00:25:19,958
We could give him
the bible, right?

634
00:25:19,958 --> 00:25:22,416
He studies it for a few days,

635
00:25:22,416 --> 00:25:24,708
and then he comes to the bris
for a couple of hours

636
00:25:24,708 --> 00:25:27,250
and he plays Ricky Stanicky.

637
00:25:28,666 --> 00:25:31,375
Okay, but where are we
going to find an actor?

638
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:34,541
Gary Polisner! He's in
that Red Robin commercial.

639
00:25:34,541 --> 00:25:36,500
- He is?
- Yeah.

640
00:25:36,500 --> 00:25:38,750
He's that dude that goes,
"Seconds on steak fries?

641
00:25:38,750 --> 00:25:40,000
"Uh, yeah!"

642
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:41,208
- That's Gary?
- That's Gary.

643
00:25:41,208 --> 00:25:42,791
- Good for him!
- Good for him.

644
00:25:42,791 --> 00:25:44,083
I love those commercials.

645
00:25:44,083 --> 00:25:45,583
Guys, minor wrinkle -

646
00:25:45,583 --> 00:25:48,166
Gary's dating Carly,
Erin's cousin.

647
00:25:48,166 --> 00:25:49,375
Oh, Cousin It?

648
00:25:49,375 --> 00:25:51,250
That girl with the hair
that touches the floor?

649
00:25:51,250 --> 00:25:53,083
Yeah, but don't worry.

650
00:25:53,750 --> 00:25:56,250
I know an actor
that nobody knows.

651
00:25:56,750 --> 00:25:59,541
[upbeat music]

652
00:25:59,541 --> 00:26:02,875
["Whip It" by Devo plays]

653
00:26:04,083 --> 00:26:05,750
[whip cracking]

654
00:26:06,875 --> 00:26:08,791
♪ Grab that stick ♪

655
00:26:09,875 --> 00:26:11,916
♪ Lube your hand with spit ♪

656
00:26:12,916 --> 00:26:15,000
♪ Lay down on your back ♪

657
00:26:16,125 --> 00:26:18,125
♪ Now it's time to whack ♪

658
00:26:20,458 --> 00:26:23,375
♪ When a boner comes along
You must grip it ♪

659
00:26:23,375 --> 00:26:25,250
♪ To make the cream
Come out your dong ♪

660
00:26:25,250 --> 00:26:26,500
♪ Just unzip it... ♪

661
00:26:26,500 --> 00:26:31,625
[to tune of "School's Out"]
♪ Spoooge out my penis ♪

662
00:26:33,541 --> 00:26:39,708
♪ Spoooge on my tummy... ♪

663
00:26:40,500 --> 00:26:43,208
[to tune of "White Wedding"]
♪ It's a nice day for some ♪

664
00:26:43,208 --> 00:26:45,291
♪ Wood whackin' ♪

665
00:26:47,291 --> 00:26:50,083
♪ It's a nice day to ♪

666
00:26:50,083 --> 00:26:54,375
♪ Jizz again... ♪

667
00:26:55,125 --> 00:26:59,125
["Baby, I Love Your Way" plays]

668
00:27:01,458 --> 00:27:04,958
♪ Ooh, baby, I masturbate ♪

669
00:27:04,958 --> 00:27:06,458
♪ Every day ♪

670
00:27:08,458 --> 00:27:13,000
♪ I want to tell you
I masturbate every way ♪

671
00:27:15,083 --> 00:27:18,458
♪ Want to beat my meat
Night and day ♪

672
00:27:18,458 --> 00:27:20,250
♪ Ay, yeah... ♪

673
00:27:21,125 --> 00:27:23,208
Thanks for coming out tonight,
ladies and gentlemen.

674
00:27:23,208 --> 00:27:26,333
So horny to be here.
So horny to be here.

675
00:27:26,333 --> 00:27:30,333
["Baby, I love your way"
outro plays]

676
00:27:31,583 --> 00:27:32,791
Great show, Rod.

677
00:27:32,791 --> 00:27:34,541
Good crowd.

678
00:27:38,875 --> 00:27:42,083
Hey, Rod. Those guys
are out there again.

679
00:27:53,166 --> 00:27:56,208
[dramatic music]

680
00:27:56,208 --> 00:27:58,083
[man] Hey, we need
more beer mugs.

681
00:27:58,083 --> 00:27:59,333
[cutlery clanking]

682
00:28:03,958 --> 00:28:07,333
[grunting]

683
00:28:10,125 --> 00:28:11,250
[bottle shattering]

684
00:28:16,166 --> 00:28:20,583
["Where Have All the Cowboys
Gone?" ringtone plays]

685
00:28:25,541 --> 00:28:28,541
Rod Rimestead, trained actor.
How can I help you?

686
00:28:29,625 --> 00:28:31,208
Yeah, Dean, I remember you.

687
00:28:32,875 --> 00:28:34,166
A gig?

688
00:28:35,125 --> 00:28:37,500
Let me... Er, you know what?
Let me just check my schedule.

689
00:28:43,416 --> 00:28:45,666
Yeah, man. Looks like I'm free.

690
00:28:46,291 --> 00:28:48,291
And so our feathered friend

691
00:28:48,291 --> 00:28:50,333
still has not gotten off
the golf ball

692
00:28:50,333 --> 00:28:53,125
that Dr. Dominic DiPasquale
of East Greenwich

693
00:28:53,125 --> 00:28:56,583
hit near this greenside bunker
six days ago.

694
00:28:56,583 --> 00:28:58,708
But you can count on
Channel 6 to be here

695
00:28:58,708 --> 00:29:00,875
until this exciting saga ends.

696
00:29:00,875 --> 00:29:05,375
Or, you can go to Channel6.com
and log onto our live duck-cam.

697
00:29:05,375 --> 00:29:06,458
[dog barks]

698
00:29:09,041 --> 00:29:11,000
Can you believe
I spent three years

699
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:13,166
in journalism grad school
for this crap?

700
00:29:13,166 --> 00:29:15,291
Are you kidding?
I love this story. It's fun.

701
00:29:15,291 --> 00:29:16,791
Don't patronize me.

702
00:29:16,791 --> 00:29:19,166
Okay. It sucks.
I'm embarrassed for you.

703
00:29:19,166 --> 00:29:20,666
Thank you.

704
00:29:20,666 --> 00:29:23,458
You're really sweet to hang
out with me, though, honestly.

705
00:29:23,458 --> 00:29:24,791
- Are you kidding?
- Thank you.

706
00:29:24,791 --> 00:29:26,791
Who else gets the chance
to watch history unfold?

707
00:29:26,791 --> 00:29:28,083
[chuckles]

708
00:29:28,083 --> 00:29:29,208
Oh, wait.

709
00:29:29,208 --> 00:29:31,958
You know who's looking forward
to meeting Ricky tomorrow?

710
00:29:31,958 --> 00:29:33,750
Yeah, Leona. I know.

711
00:29:33,750 --> 00:29:35,750
Uh-uh. Carly.

712
00:29:36,250 --> 00:29:37,416
Carly with the hair?

713
00:29:37,416 --> 00:29:39,291
Mm-hm, my cousin, yeah.

714
00:29:39,291 --> 00:29:40,791
What happened to Gary Polisner?

715
00:29:40,791 --> 00:29:42,916
Oh, you know,
they're together,

716
00:29:42,916 --> 00:29:45,416
but she follows Ricky
on Instagram.

717
00:29:45,416 --> 00:29:48,333
- Loves his charity work.
- Hmm.

718
00:29:48,333 --> 00:29:50,625
That duck's not going anywhere.

719
00:29:51,458 --> 00:29:53,666
Let's go get some lunch.
Come back in an hour.

720
00:29:53,666 --> 00:29:56,375
I would, but I can't. I'm on
duck duty for four more hours.

721
00:29:56,375 --> 00:29:58,666
Unless she gets up,
I'm stuck here.

722
00:30:00,583 --> 00:30:01,875
Unless she gets up, huh.

723
00:30:01,875 --> 00:30:03,125
[dog whimpering]

724
00:30:03,833 --> 00:30:05,250
No! Paul!

725
00:30:05,250 --> 00:30:06,416
[dog barking]

726
00:30:06,416 --> 00:30:08,041
Paul! Paul, come back here.

727
00:30:08,041 --> 00:30:09,291
[barking]

728
00:30:09,791 --> 00:30:10,875
[hissing]

729
00:30:12,666 --> 00:30:14,791
Hey, Paul.
Paul, get back here.

730
00:30:15,958 --> 00:30:17,041
[dog whimpering]

731
00:30:17,041 --> 00:30:18,541
- Paul!
- Oh, my God!

732
00:30:19,791 --> 00:30:21,208
[both] Paul!

733
00:30:21,208 --> 00:30:22,875
- [dog whimpering]
- [duck quacking]

734
00:30:22,875 --> 00:30:24,083
[Erin] Oh, my God!

735
00:30:24,791 --> 00:30:26,291
[Erin] Come on! Paul!

736
00:30:28,500 --> 00:30:30,083
Paul! Get out of there!

737
00:30:30,083 --> 00:30:31,458
[Dean] Hold your breath, Paul!

738
00:30:31,458 --> 00:30:32,875
[Erin] Hang in there, buddy!

739
00:30:32,875 --> 00:30:34,000
- Bad duck!
- Ow!

740
00:30:34,916 --> 00:30:38,250
Dean, do something! You
have to pull him out of there.

741
00:30:40,625 --> 00:30:42,750
[dog whimpering]

742
00:30:43,416 --> 00:30:45,625
Let's take a rain check
on the lunch, all right?

743
00:30:45,625 --> 00:30:46,833
Sorry.

744
00:30:48,833 --> 00:30:51,541
[duck quacking]

745
00:30:57,458 --> 00:30:59,250
Such an asshole!

746
00:31:03,916 --> 00:31:05,833
[Wes] I just want to go on
the record and say

747
00:31:05,833 --> 00:31:08,333
this is a really bad idea.

748
00:31:08,333 --> 00:31:10,291
Why? He does impersonations
of famous people.

749
00:31:10,291 --> 00:31:12,041
How hard could it be
to impersonate someone

750
00:31:12,041 --> 00:31:13,708
- that no one's ever met before?
- Yeah.

751
00:31:13,708 --> 00:31:15,958
We're going to be fine. This
is going to be totally fine.

752
00:31:15,958 --> 00:31:17,500
- You gave him the bible, right?
- [Dean] Yeah.

753
00:31:17,500 --> 00:31:19,416
- Good.
- And the Stanicky phone,

754
00:31:19,416 --> 00:31:21,000
everything on it, his Insta.

755
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,333
I FaceTimed him. I took him
through everything, man.

756
00:31:23,333 --> 00:31:25,041
For a sloppy drunk,
he's a real pro

757
00:31:25,041 --> 00:31:26,791
- when it comes to this stuff.
- Fine.

758
00:31:26,791 --> 00:31:30,041
[loud retching]

759
00:31:30,041 --> 00:31:32,083
Oh, Jesus.

760
00:31:32,750 --> 00:31:34,250
[Wes] Please don't be
the trash bag,

761
00:31:34,250 --> 00:31:35,750
please don't be
the trash bag...

762
00:31:35,750 --> 00:31:37,291
It's the trash bag. Oh.

763
00:31:38,958 --> 00:31:41,125
- Dude.
- What the hell?

764
00:31:41,125 --> 00:31:42,916
- Hey, boys.
- What are you on?

765
00:31:42,916 --> 00:31:44,333
Huh?

766
00:31:44,333 --> 00:31:46,375
Don't give me that shit.
What drugs are you on?

767
00:31:46,375 --> 00:31:47,708
None.

768
00:31:47,708 --> 00:31:49,791
Don't lie to us.
You're sweating like a tweaker.

769
00:31:49,791 --> 00:31:52,000
I'm sweating because
I'm not on anything.

770
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:54,333
I've been cold-turkeying
the booze for three days.

771
00:31:54,333 --> 00:31:57,250
Smashes my world record
by three days.

772
00:31:57,250 --> 00:31:59,750
What? You can't quit drinking
right now, man.

773
00:31:59,750 --> 00:32:01,000
We need you in top form!

774
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:04,375
I can't drink. Ricky Stanicky's
in the program, remember?

775
00:32:04,375 --> 00:32:06,041
Right, yeah, yeah.

776
00:32:06,041 --> 00:32:08,208
Ricky's been clean and sober
for the past seven years.

777
00:32:08,208 --> 00:32:10,541
[JT] Who cares?!
People relapse all the time.

778
00:32:10,541 --> 00:32:12,708
- [Dean] Yeah.
- [JT] What are you...?

779
00:32:12,708 --> 00:32:14,041
What are you doing?

780
00:32:14,041 --> 00:32:15,583
Wallet. Mouth.

781
00:32:15,583 --> 00:32:16,958
[JT] Oh, oh, oh!

782
00:32:16,958 --> 00:32:18,583
Yeah, I've seen this
on 'Intervention'.

783
00:32:18,583 --> 00:32:19,875
He's having withdrawals.

784
00:32:19,875 --> 00:32:21,375
The leather will
calm him down.

785
00:32:21,375 --> 00:32:23,791
- Relax. It's okay.
- Yeah.

786
00:32:23,791 --> 00:32:24,833
[groaning]

787
00:32:24,833 --> 00:32:26,041
You okay?

788
00:32:26,750 --> 00:32:28,708
I had a couple of those
in the plane - they pass.

789
00:32:29,708 --> 00:32:32,458
The nice fella I walked off
the plane with, he helped me.

790
00:32:32,458 --> 00:32:33,833
What fella?

791
00:32:33,833 --> 00:32:36,750
He was just... he was just
here. You didn't see him?

792
00:32:36,750 --> 00:32:38,958
Curly eyes. Long blonde lips.
He talks with a limp.

793
00:32:38,958 --> 00:32:39,958
All right, uh,

794
00:32:39,958 --> 00:32:41,708
how about we just take
a little whiff of vodka,

795
00:32:41,708 --> 00:32:43,208
you know,
just to take the edge off?

796
00:32:43,208 --> 00:32:44,375
- Yeah. A little bit.
- Yeah?

797
00:32:44,375 --> 00:32:46,750
No, you hired me to play
the role of a sober gentleman.

798
00:32:46,750 --> 00:32:48,541
I'm going to do so
the only way I know how -

799
00:32:48,541 --> 00:32:50,500
with artistic integrity.

800
00:32:50,500 --> 00:32:52,541
What is that?
Is somebody boiling lobster?

801
00:32:53,750 --> 00:32:56,041
Boiling what? Oh, Rod.

802
00:32:56,708 --> 00:32:58,291
- Oh.
- [Wes scoffs]

803
00:32:58,291 --> 00:33:00,958
It's not what you think it is.

804
00:33:00,958 --> 00:33:02,875
It's just piss.

805
00:33:02,875 --> 00:33:04,333
Oh, thank God.

806
00:33:07,833 --> 00:33:10,583
[Rod] I can't believe you guys
picked me up in this thing.

807
00:33:10,583 --> 00:33:11,750
What?

808
00:33:11,750 --> 00:33:14,500
This gas-guzzling,
carbon-emitting Earth-killer.

809
00:33:14,500 --> 00:33:16,291
If your people see me
pull up in this thing,

810
00:33:16,291 --> 00:33:18,041
my cover is blown for sure.

811
00:33:18,041 --> 00:33:21,000
He's right again. Ricky
Stanicky's a tree hugger.

812
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,791
We helped him clean up
the Chesapeake Bay, remember?

813
00:33:24,333 --> 00:33:26,250
The Pats/Ravens game.
That was a good game.

814
00:33:26,250 --> 00:33:28,166
["Where Have All the Cowboys
Gone?" ringtone plays]

815
00:33:28,166 --> 00:33:30,250
- [JT] Who's that?
- Nobody.

816
00:33:30,250 --> 00:33:33,625
All right, who's the bank?
I want all my cheese up front.

817
00:33:33,625 --> 00:33:37,166
SAG minimum - $983 a day,
meal penalty after six hours.

818
00:33:37,166 --> 00:33:39,416
Dude, there is no way
you're in the union.

819
00:33:39,416 --> 00:33:41,416
We'll give you half now
and half when you're done.

820
00:33:41,416 --> 00:33:43,291
That's a no-bueno.
I want all my cake up front.

821
00:33:43,291 --> 00:33:44,333
It's not negotiable.

822
00:33:44,333 --> 00:33:46,416
Okay, then, that's a bueno.

823
00:33:47,500 --> 00:33:50,000
[Dean] Guys, we can't take him
to the bris smelling like this.

824
00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:51,708
Wes, can you please take
Mr. Stanicky

825
00:33:51,708 --> 00:33:53,333
over to your place
and shower him off

826
00:33:53,333 --> 00:33:55,083
and then bring him
over to JT's?

827
00:33:55,083 --> 00:33:58,625
It's 'Ricky'. Mr. Stanicky
is my fake father's name.

828
00:33:58,625 --> 00:34:02,291
Um, hey, I don't think
that's going to be a good idea.

829
00:34:02,291 --> 00:34:04,208
My shower curtains,
they're all mouldy and shit.

830
00:34:04,208 --> 00:34:05,333
Wes, stop being a douchebag.

831
00:34:05,333 --> 00:34:07,250
Erin and I have to get there
early and help set up.

832
00:34:07,250 --> 00:34:09,208
So we're going to be there
way before you. Just...

833
00:34:09,208 --> 00:34:12,083
I don't know, do what you can,
make him presentable, please.

834
00:34:12,083 --> 00:34:13,958
Presentable? How dare you.

835
00:34:13,958 --> 00:34:15,875
You guys are supposed to be
my best friends.

836
00:34:15,875 --> 00:34:17,833
You should be fighting over
who gets to hose me down.

837
00:34:17,833 --> 00:34:20,875
Hey, grand-mal piss-pants.
Shut the fuck up, okay?

838
00:34:20,875 --> 00:34:22,291
We wouldn't be
in this predicament

839
00:34:22,291 --> 00:34:24,750
if you didn't show up smelling
like a nursing-home mattress.

840
00:34:26,708 --> 00:34:29,708
Wow. This is a hostile set.

841
00:34:41,500 --> 00:34:42,500
[sighing]

842
00:34:42,500 --> 00:34:43,916
Thanks for that, man.

843
00:34:43,916 --> 00:34:45,875
Starting to feel
a little human again.

844
00:34:45,875 --> 00:34:47,541
Yeah. Hey, let me
ask you something.

845
00:34:48,708 --> 00:34:50,250
You're a raging alcoholic, right?

846
00:34:50,250 --> 00:34:51,541
Yeah.

847
00:34:51,541 --> 00:34:53,500
Well, then how do
you stay so ripped?

848
00:34:53,500 --> 00:34:56,166
- Roids. Shit-ton of roids.
- Hmm.

849
00:34:56,166 --> 00:34:58,791
I got addicted to those too.

850
00:34:59,541 --> 00:35:01,208
God, they're good.

851
00:35:07,416 --> 00:35:09,166
Wow. Gay much?

852
00:35:09,166 --> 00:35:11,625
Yeah. I was really
feeling it that day.

853
00:35:15,250 --> 00:35:17,250
Oh, so this is your, um...

854
00:35:17,250 --> 00:35:20,500
Partner, Keith. Mmm.

855
00:35:20,500 --> 00:35:21,791
Of course.

856
00:35:21,791 --> 00:35:25,125
By the way, I kind of told him
that you were bi.

857
00:35:25,958 --> 00:35:27,125
What? Why?

858
00:35:27,125 --> 00:35:29,625
Because it'd be weird
if you weren't...

859
00:35:29,625 --> 00:35:30,875
since we dated.

860
00:35:30,875 --> 00:35:33,416
We dated? You and me?
Was that in the bible?

861
00:35:34,625 --> 00:35:36,541
- I missed that.
- No, it's not in there.

862
00:35:36,541 --> 00:35:38,250
Why the hell
wasn't it in the bible?

863
00:35:38,250 --> 00:35:40,833
Well, 'cause I couldn't tell
the guys. All right?

864
00:35:40,833 --> 00:35:43,208
Look, look, I didn't know
how things would go

865
00:35:43,208 --> 00:35:44,791
on my first date with Keith.

866
00:35:44,791 --> 00:35:47,291
So I told him I was seeing
this dude named Ricky Stanicky,

867
00:35:47,291 --> 00:35:48,833
in case I needed an out.

868
00:35:48,833 --> 00:35:51,458
But we hit it off
and I told him we broke up.

869
00:35:52,250 --> 00:35:53,416
Okay, no problem.

870
00:35:53,416 --> 00:35:57,833
Unfortunately, Keith's still
a little threatened by you.

871
00:35:59,875 --> 00:36:02,833
Okay, spill the beans.
I got to know everything.

872
00:36:02,833 --> 00:36:04,791
- What did you tell him we did?
- What do you mean?

873
00:36:04,791 --> 00:36:07,208
Cut the crap.
You know what I mean.

874
00:36:07,208 --> 00:36:09,166
Did we play Winnie the Pooh
finds a honey stick?

875
00:36:09,166 --> 00:36:11,208
- What's that?
- Munchkins in a cave?

876
00:36:11,208 --> 00:36:12,541
Upside-down barber?

877
00:36:12,541 --> 00:36:13,791
Shaved biscuits and gravy?

878
00:36:13,791 --> 00:36:14,916
- No.
- Old faceful?

879
00:36:14,916 --> 00:36:17,708
No! We just went on
a couple of dates.

880
00:36:18,875 --> 00:36:21,333
Oh. I guess
I didn't do it for you.

881
00:36:22,208 --> 00:36:24,083
You're no trophy either,
beagle ears.

882
00:36:26,916 --> 00:36:28,625
Hey, what's this?

883
00:36:28,625 --> 00:36:32,833
Oh, it's just this...
this children's book thing

884
00:36:32,833 --> 00:36:35,208
that I've been tinkering with.

885
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:43,333
Hey, there he is!
Our mohel, Rabbi Greenberg.

886
00:36:43,333 --> 00:36:45,750
You can call me
Rabbi Gigglebird.

887
00:36:45,750 --> 00:36:47,166
[laughter]

888
00:36:47,166 --> 00:36:48,666
The Rabbi
does stand-up sometimes

889
00:36:48,666 --> 00:36:50,125
at the Comedy Connection.

890
00:36:50,125 --> 00:36:53,916
I may not be able to eat ham,
but I can certainly be one!

891
00:36:53,916 --> 00:36:55,166
[forced laughter]

892
00:36:55,166 --> 00:36:56,625
Cheese puffs, anyone?

893
00:36:56,625 --> 00:37:00,000
Oh, no, we mohels,
we prefer those little weenies.

894
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:01,541
Ba-doomp-pow!

895
00:37:02,541 --> 00:37:04,291
Oh, no... [chuckles awkwardly]

896
00:37:04,291 --> 00:37:05,750
Listen. Listen.

897
00:37:05,750 --> 00:37:07,708
My services here today
are complimentary,

898
00:37:07,708 --> 00:37:09,208
just so you know, all right?

899
00:37:09,208 --> 00:37:11,125
I consider this a mitzvah.
All right?

900
00:37:11,125 --> 00:37:12,625
I don't want any money,

901
00:37:12,625 --> 00:37:15,000
but I'm keeping the tip!

902
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:16,166
[laughs]

903
00:37:16,166 --> 00:37:18,666
- They just keep on coming, huh?
- Yeah, they don't stop.

904
00:37:18,666 --> 00:37:20,375
- All right.
- You're hungry, I bet.

905
00:37:20,375 --> 00:37:21,375
Always.

906
00:37:21,375 --> 00:37:23,833
Please. You got to fill up
before you... Right?

907
00:37:23,833 --> 00:37:26,750
- Go. It's all you, baby.
- Yeah, yeah. Go get it. Dig in.

908
00:37:26,750 --> 00:37:28,875
[Rabbi] Back off the vodka, lady.

909
00:37:29,916 --> 00:37:31,583
Oh, Jesus Christ.

910
00:37:32,166 --> 00:37:35,083
Can I get a gin and tonic?
And let's make it a double.

911
00:37:35,083 --> 00:37:36,500
What the fuck
is Summerhayes doing here?

912
00:37:36,500 --> 00:37:37,708
I invited him.

913
00:37:37,708 --> 00:37:39,958
- Oh, my God.
- Babe, why would you do that?

914
00:37:39,958 --> 00:37:41,375
Because he's your boss.

915
00:37:41,375 --> 00:37:43,791
Yeah. I don't want to
hang out with my boss.

916
00:37:43,791 --> 00:37:45,958
Why not? You invited him
to the baby shower, shithead.

917
00:37:45,958 --> 00:37:49,000
That's different. This is
a cock-cutting ceremony.

918
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:50,166
I don't want him here.

919
00:37:50,166 --> 00:37:52,750
Jesus Christ, you're being
weird. Just go say hi.

920
00:37:52,750 --> 00:37:54,291
Both of you. Go.

921
00:37:54,291 --> 00:37:56,500
Great. This is just great.

922
00:37:56,500 --> 00:37:58,458
Now if Stanicky shits the bed,
we lose our jobs.

923
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:01,291
God, where is he?
He should be here by now.

924
00:38:01,791 --> 00:38:03,333
[Rod] Explain it again.

925
00:38:03,333 --> 00:38:05,791
It's a children's story
about these seeds

926
00:38:05,791 --> 00:38:08,333
that are flying in the breeze,

927
00:38:08,333 --> 00:38:11,291
and all they want to do is
reach the top of this mountain.

928
00:38:11,291 --> 00:38:15,166
But there's this one little
seed who gets blown back

929
00:38:15,166 --> 00:38:17,208
to the bottom of the mountain,

930
00:38:17,208 --> 00:38:19,333
and she's all like, "Fuck!"

931
00:38:19,333 --> 00:38:22,750
But when it starts to rain,
all the water will start

932
00:38:22,750 --> 00:38:26,875
to flow down the side of
the mountain straight to her.

933
00:38:26,875 --> 00:38:29,500
So she'll sprout
and she'll grow and grow

934
00:38:29,500 --> 00:38:30,916
to be the biggest tree of all,

935
00:38:30,916 --> 00:38:33,333
even bigger than the ones
on top of the mountain.

936
00:38:33,333 --> 00:38:34,958
The message being,

937
00:38:34,958 --> 00:38:38,541
you can be great in life,
no matter where you start.

938
00:38:40,916 --> 00:38:42,500
Hot, wet shit.

939
00:38:42,500 --> 00:38:44,208
What-what...
what are you talking about?

940
00:38:44,208 --> 00:38:45,875
Come on, man,
you're not a farmer.

941
00:38:45,875 --> 00:38:47,958
What the hell do you
know about seeds, right?

942
00:38:47,958 --> 00:38:49,458
And the message is absurd.

943
00:38:49,458 --> 00:38:53,500
Poor kids turn into trees?
It doesn't make any sense.

944
00:38:53,500 --> 00:38:54,583
- You're right.
- Right?

945
00:38:54,583 --> 00:38:55,833
It is stupid. It's stupid!

946
00:38:55,833 --> 00:38:57,666
What the fuck
was I thinking, man? Yeah.

947
00:38:57,666 --> 00:38:58,833
I should just give up.

948
00:38:58,833 --> 00:39:00,916
Whoa. No.
That's not what I said.

949
00:39:00,916 --> 00:39:02,541
I said this is crap,

950
00:39:02,541 --> 00:39:04,291
because it's not authentic.

951
00:39:04,291 --> 00:39:06,083
Doesn't mean you gotta give up.

952
00:39:07,125 --> 00:39:08,875
Let me tell you a story, cowboy.

953
00:39:08,875 --> 00:39:10,291
A few years back,

954
00:39:10,291 --> 00:39:12,708
I had an X-rated dog show
at the Showboat.

955
00:39:12,708 --> 00:39:15,625
I had these two mutts that
could bang missionary style.

956
00:39:15,625 --> 00:39:17,958
Oh, yeah, you heard me right.
Missionary!

957
00:39:17,958 --> 00:39:20,000
Face-to-face. Real deal.

958
00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:21,541
It was kind of touching, actually.

959
00:39:21,541 --> 00:39:23,000
Then Atlantic City
gets all woke

960
00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:25,541
and they won't let 'em pump
on stage anymore.

961
00:39:25,541 --> 00:39:28,333
I tried doing the show with
two guys in dog suits, but...

962
00:39:28,333 --> 00:39:29,708
the magic just wasn't there.

963
00:39:29,708 --> 00:39:30,750
You know what I mean?

964
00:39:32,291 --> 00:39:34,458
- No.
- My point is, I failed.

965
00:39:34,458 --> 00:39:36,375
But did I give up? Heck no.

966
00:39:36,375 --> 00:39:38,333
I just had to ask myself,
what do I love?

967
00:39:38,333 --> 00:39:39,333
And then it was easy -

968
00:39:39,333 --> 00:39:41,583
singing, performing
and telling filthy jokes.

969
00:39:41,583 --> 00:39:44,541
And that is when Rock Hard Rod
was born.

970
00:39:44,541 --> 00:39:47,666
You, sir, have just found out

971
00:39:47,666 --> 00:39:51,333
your dogs can no longer bang
missionary style.

972
00:39:51,333 --> 00:39:54,333
Now you got to ask yourself,
what do you love?

973
00:39:54,333 --> 00:39:56,208
- What do I love?
- Yeah.

974
00:39:56,208 --> 00:39:57,791
Ah... [mumbles]

975
00:39:58,458 --> 00:40:00,791
Yeah, I... I like ceramic owls?

976
00:40:00,791 --> 00:40:03,416
Uh... I love fog.

977
00:40:03,416 --> 00:40:05,166
I love fog! I love it.

978
00:40:05,166 --> 00:40:07,375
Er, is there anything
that you like

979
00:40:07,375 --> 00:40:10,916
that a regular human being
can relate to on any level?

980
00:40:12,458 --> 00:40:14,250
- I like Christmas.
- Christmas, Christmas!

981
00:40:14,250 --> 00:40:16,583
Perfect! Yes!
Everybody loves Christmas.

982
00:40:16,583 --> 00:40:18,166
Yeah, well, not everybody.

983
00:40:18,166 --> 00:40:20,541
Keith is not a big fan of it
these days.

984
00:40:20,541 --> 00:40:22,791
- He doesn't love Christmas?
- Well, he used to love it.

985
00:40:22,791 --> 00:40:23,791
But, I mean,

986
00:40:23,791 --> 00:40:25,916
ever since his parents
found out that we were dating,

987
00:40:25,916 --> 00:40:27,583
they haven't really
invited him over.

988
00:40:27,583 --> 00:40:30,041
- That sucks.
- Yeah.

989
00:40:30,041 --> 00:40:31,583
Which is their loss, you know.

990
00:40:31,583 --> 00:40:33,208
No "Jerky of the Month Club"
for them.

991
00:40:33,208 --> 00:40:34,833
Ha.

992
00:40:34,833 --> 00:40:37,250
I just wish there was
a holiday tradition for us.

993
00:40:37,250 --> 00:40:40,500
You know, like Christmas is
the gayest holiday anyway, man.

994
00:40:40,500 --> 00:40:42,708
You know, you bedazzle
a tree with tinsel.

995
00:40:43,416 --> 00:40:45,791
And why does Santa
have to be such a fat shit?

996
00:40:45,791 --> 00:40:48,041
Couldn't he be ripped? Couldn't
he be jacked? You know?

997
00:40:48,041 --> 00:40:49,875
Can the elves have
ordered him a Peloton

998
00:40:49,875 --> 00:40:51,375
or a yoga mat or something?

999
00:40:52,583 --> 00:40:54,000
Ra-pum-pum-pum.

1000
00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:56,083
Now that is authentic!

1001
00:40:57,125 --> 00:40:59,708
Yeah. A Christmas story for us.

1002
00:41:02,250 --> 00:41:03,875
Thanks for coming, Ted.

1003
00:41:03,875 --> 00:41:06,500
I know a bris
isn't exactly your cup of tea.

1004
00:41:06,500 --> 00:41:09,000
Oh, no, we're happy
that you invited us, JT.

1005
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:11,375
This is exactly
what Ted needed.

1006
00:41:11,375 --> 00:41:14,708
He's been so obsessed
with this World River merger.

1007
00:41:14,708 --> 00:41:16,208
Yeah.

1008
00:41:16,208 --> 00:41:19,333
Circumcision parties are
my go-to when I need to relax.

1009
00:41:19,333 --> 00:41:21,083
[nervous chuckling]

1010
00:41:21,083 --> 00:41:22,750
Where's Gary?
I thought he was coming.

1011
00:41:22,750 --> 00:41:24,250
He has his improv class
at Trinity,

1012
00:41:24,250 --> 00:41:25,708
but I think he'll be here soon.

1013
00:41:25,708 --> 00:41:27,291
Have you guys seen
his new commercial?

1014
00:41:27,291 --> 00:41:28,916
[Dean] Yeah. Yeah.

1015
00:41:28,916 --> 00:41:31,291
- He got off.
- Who got off?

1016
00:41:31,291 --> 00:41:32,916
My big story
I'm covering this week.

1017
00:41:32,916 --> 00:41:34,750
You're covering a trial?

1018
00:41:34,750 --> 00:41:36,541
No, real reporters
get to do that.

1019
00:41:36,541 --> 00:41:38,833
I'm covering a vicious duck
sitting on a golf ball

1020
00:41:38,833 --> 00:41:40,416
- at Wannamoisett Country Club.
- Oh.

1021
00:41:40,416 --> 00:41:41,916
You're just paying
your dues, right?

1022
00:41:42,416 --> 00:41:44,750
You're going to get a shot
at the big story soon.

1023
00:41:44,750 --> 00:41:45,750
Thanks, babe.

1024
00:41:45,750 --> 00:41:47,333
He's not coming, is he?

1025
00:41:47,916 --> 00:41:50,541
- Who would you be referring to?
- Oh, don't give me that.

1026
00:41:50,541 --> 00:41:53,083
Ricky Stanicky.
Where the hell is he?

1027
00:41:53,083 --> 00:41:55,958
Oh, he'll be here.
This is just typical Ricky.

1028
00:41:55,958 --> 00:41:57,541
He's... he's always late.

1029
00:41:57,541 --> 00:42:00,083
Hmm. Well, I'll believe it
when I see it.

1030
00:42:00,083 --> 00:42:03,541
Leona, come on.
Why wouldn't he come?

1031
00:42:03,541 --> 00:42:05,125
Probably for the same reason

1032
00:42:05,125 --> 00:42:08,708
that he didn't bother to show
up for JT and Susan's wedding.

1033
00:42:08,708 --> 00:42:10,916
Sorry he didn't think
my wedding was more important

1034
00:42:10,916 --> 00:42:13,333
than digging out hurricane
victims in the Bahamas.

1035
00:42:13,333 --> 00:42:14,541
Ooh.

1036
00:42:14,541 --> 00:42:17,375
Ha, ha!
The old Bahamian hurricane.

1037
00:42:17,375 --> 00:42:20,000
Jackie, tell me about
Ricky Stanicky.

1038
00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:22,458
I mean, if they were
such good friends,

1039
00:42:22,458 --> 00:42:25,250
you must have met him a bunch
when they were kids, right?

1040
00:42:25,833 --> 00:42:28,791
Oh, sure.
I... I met all of JT's friends.

1041
00:42:28,791 --> 00:42:30,083
Really?

1042
00:42:30,083 --> 00:42:33,000
Do you have any
specific memories of him?

1043
00:42:33,541 --> 00:42:37,416
Well, I remember he was
a handful, that's for sure.

1044
00:42:37,416 --> 00:42:39,583
I mean, every time
this one got in trouble,

1045
00:42:39,583 --> 00:42:41,125
Stanicky was somehow behind it.

1046
00:42:41,125 --> 00:42:43,125
He was a... a little devil,
that Ricky.

1047
00:42:43,125 --> 00:42:44,875
- Yeah. Oh, yeah.
- Wow!

1048
00:42:44,875 --> 00:42:47,250
That doesn't sound like
the same guy

1049
00:42:47,250 --> 00:42:52,416
who works for Bono in Africa
and builds orphanages in Peru.

1050
00:42:53,708 --> 00:42:55,250
That's 'cause he's born again.

1051
00:42:55,250 --> 00:42:57,500
- Ah.
- He had that epiphany in rehab.

1052
00:42:57,500 --> 00:42:59,125
Remember I told you about that?

1053
00:42:59,125 --> 00:43:01,208
- Mm-hm.
- Yeah, people change, Leona.

1054
00:43:01,208 --> 00:43:03,250
Why are you grilling my mom?
She's not on trial.

1055
00:43:03,250 --> 00:43:04,708
Because I want you to admit

1056
00:43:04,708 --> 00:43:07,041
that Ricky Stanicky
does not exist.

1057
00:43:10,166 --> 00:43:12,875
Hey, mishpocha!

1058
00:43:12,875 --> 00:43:15,041
Let's get down to bris-ness!

1059
00:43:15,041 --> 00:43:16,666
[all exclaim]

1060
00:43:16,666 --> 00:43:18,791
Oh, yes! Yeah-ah!

1061
00:43:18,791 --> 00:43:20,208
[JT] You made it!

1062
00:43:20,833 --> 00:43:22,625
The boys are back!

1063
00:43:22,625 --> 00:43:24,958
[all exclaim]

1064
00:43:24,958 --> 00:43:27,000
- All right.
- Jackie!

1065
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:28,333
Ricky?

1066
00:43:28,333 --> 00:43:31,500
Oh, you look unbelievable.
You're still a MILF.

1067
00:43:31,500 --> 00:43:33,291
[chuckling] Oh, my God.

1068
00:43:33,291 --> 00:43:36,250
Look at you.
Oh, you haven't changed a bit.

1069
00:43:37,291 --> 00:43:38,958
The mystery man in the flesh.

1070
00:43:38,958 --> 00:43:41,458
Well, churn my butter
with a slippery stick.

1071
00:43:41,458 --> 00:43:42,958
I finally get to meet
Erin Harford.

1072
00:43:42,958 --> 00:43:44,625
You're even more beautiful
in person

1073
00:43:44,625 --> 00:43:46,375
than the pictures
Dean's always sending me.

1074
00:43:46,375 --> 00:43:47,750
You send him pictures of me?

1075
00:43:47,750 --> 00:43:49,291
Oh, tasteful, of course.

1076
00:43:49,291 --> 00:43:50,375
Even the nudes.

1077
00:43:50,375 --> 00:43:52,208
Seriously, the guy
doesn't shut up about you.

1078
00:43:52,208 --> 00:43:54,166
What were you saying
about her last week?

1079
00:43:54,166 --> 00:43:55,750
It was, um...

1080
00:43:55,750 --> 00:43:57,541
Ah!
The more I look at her,

1081
00:43:57,541 --> 00:43:59,541
the more I realize
how much there is to see.

1082
00:43:59,541 --> 00:44:01,791
- Aw. Babe.
- And who do we have here?

1083
00:44:01,791 --> 00:44:04,333
Rapunzel, Rapunzel,
let down your hair!

1084
00:44:04,333 --> 00:44:06,500
[meekly] I'm Carly,
I'm Erin's cousin.

1085
00:44:06,500 --> 00:44:08,125
No need to shout, bullhorn!

1086
00:44:08,125 --> 00:44:09,666
[light laughter]

1087
00:44:09,666 --> 00:44:12,833
And I am the woman
who had to give birth all alone

1088
00:44:12,833 --> 00:44:15,250
because you tricked her husband
into going to Albany.

1089
00:44:15,250 --> 00:44:17,041
Oh, my God, Susan,
I'm so sorry.

1090
00:44:17,041 --> 00:44:18,125
[exhales regretfully]

1091
00:44:18,125 --> 00:44:20,250
You know how much grief
your old man's been giving me?

1092
00:44:20,250 --> 00:44:22,666
For the record, I had no idea
it was your baby shower.

1093
00:44:22,666 --> 00:44:24,375
I just wanted to celebrate
my new lease on life

1094
00:44:24,375 --> 00:44:25,666
with my oldest,
dearest friends.

1095
00:44:26,541 --> 00:44:28,333
Then little Whitaker
comes along...

1096
00:44:28,333 --> 00:44:29,833
God, I love that name.

1097
00:44:31,041 --> 00:44:33,500
And then I just
ruin everything.

1098
00:44:33,500 --> 00:44:36,375
I just...
Again, my sincerest apologies.

1099
00:44:36,375 --> 00:44:37,958
No, you know, it...

1100
00:44:37,958 --> 00:44:40,416
It's okay. I know you've
been through a lot, so...

1101
00:44:40,416 --> 00:44:42,708
Hell, yeah, they lopped off
one of my nuts, for starters.

1102
00:44:42,708 --> 00:44:45,708
- [laughter]
- Oh, you are still a handful!

1103
00:44:45,708 --> 00:44:47,333
Well, half a handful.

1104
00:44:47,333 --> 00:44:48,708
- [chortles]
- Ricky...

1105
00:44:48,708 --> 00:44:51,166
Okay, Rico! Hey, let's go
show you around. Huh?

1106
00:44:51,166 --> 00:44:52,791
Aren't you going to
Introduce me?

1107
00:44:52,791 --> 00:44:54,500
Uh, we'll be right back.

1108
00:44:54,500 --> 00:44:56,750
[whispers] Stay away from
that woman at all costs, okay?

1109
00:44:56,750 --> 00:44:58,833
That's Susan's mother.
She's bad news.

1110
00:45:02,375 --> 00:45:03,875
Jesus.

1111
00:45:05,041 --> 00:45:07,833
Hey, if anyone asks
about the shaking, just say,

1112
00:45:07,833 --> 00:45:09,833
"I have low blood sugar
and I had a Red Bull."

1113
00:45:09,833 --> 00:45:11,166
Stopping you there.

1114
00:45:11,791 --> 00:45:13,750
I don't appreciate
line readings.

1115
00:45:15,125 --> 00:45:16,333
What?

1116
00:45:16,333 --> 00:45:18,041
So, I lift up the mosquito net

1117
00:45:18,041 --> 00:45:20,208
and, sure enough,
Bono's in there.

1118
00:45:20,208 --> 00:45:22,208
Plowing Mrs. Bono
like a potato field.

1119
00:45:22,208 --> 00:45:23,750
Really? The Bono?

1120
00:45:23,750 --> 00:45:27,416
Yeah. Givin' the missus the old
Irish shillelagh, as it were.

1121
00:45:27,416 --> 00:45:28,916
So I'm standing there
embarrassed.

1122
00:45:28,916 --> 00:45:30,625
And then they go,
[Irish accent] "It's okay.

1123
00:45:30,625 --> 00:45:31,875
"Watch us, we like it."

1124
00:45:31,875 --> 00:45:33,291
Is that an Irish thing?

1125
00:45:33,291 --> 00:45:36,375
I don't think so. But
I wouldn't put it past them.

1126
00:45:36,375 --> 00:45:39,250
Hey, the guy saved ten million
people from starving.

1127
00:45:39,250 --> 00:45:41,000
So, if he wants to let people

1128
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:43,875
watch him corn-beef his wife's
cabbage, who am I to stop him?

1129
00:45:43,875 --> 00:45:47,125
You know who has the best
corn-beef in town? Geoff's.

1130
00:45:47,125 --> 00:45:49,166
And it isn't even really
a deli.

1131
00:45:49,166 --> 00:45:51,125
I don't think that's
the kind of corn-beef

1132
00:45:51,125 --> 00:45:52,500
he's talking about, Ginny.

1133
00:45:52,500 --> 00:45:54,541
Oh, man, all this food talk
is making me hungry.

1134
00:45:54,541 --> 00:45:56,500
- Ricky, have you eaten yet?
- [Summerhayes] Dean.

1135
00:45:56,500 --> 00:46:00,916
You haven't introduced me
to Indiana Jones here.

1136
00:46:00,916 --> 00:46:02,500
Yeah, of course.

1137
00:46:02,500 --> 00:46:05,083
Ted, this is Ricky Stanicky,
my good friend.

1138
00:46:05,083 --> 00:46:06,875
Uh, Ricky, this is
Ted Summerhayes, my boss.

1139
00:46:06,875 --> 00:46:07,958
Ted, nice to meet you.

1140
00:46:07,958 --> 00:46:10,166
Digging the suit
and the seedlings, man.

1141
00:46:10,166 --> 00:46:11,541
The seedlings?

1142
00:46:11,541 --> 00:46:13,208
The hair plugs.
They're new, right?

1143
00:46:13,208 --> 00:46:14,416
What?

1144
00:46:14,416 --> 00:46:17,250
No. This is my hair.

1145
00:46:17,250 --> 00:46:20,291
Ha! Yeah, just like
a doll's hair is her hair.

1146
00:46:20,291 --> 00:46:21,583
That's good. That's good.

1147
00:46:22,083 --> 00:46:24,500
So, Ted, you're one of those
big banker guys, eh?

1148
00:46:24,500 --> 00:46:25,708
One of those guys out there

1149
00:46:25,708 --> 00:46:27,375
helping those billionaires
get richer

1150
00:46:27,375 --> 00:46:29,750
and then floating around on
your big swinging super-yachts,

1151
00:46:29,750 --> 00:46:31,708
leaving everybody else
struggling to make ends meet

1152
00:46:31,708 --> 00:46:32,708
in their little dinghies.

1153
00:46:32,708 --> 00:46:35,500
- No. No, no, no. Not at all...
- First of all,

1154
00:46:35,500 --> 00:46:39,291
we sell financial services
to independent investors,

1155
00:46:39,291 --> 00:46:41,583
and anyone
who's willing to pay for them

1156
00:46:41,583 --> 00:46:44,041
is welcome
to share in the benefits.

1157
00:46:44,041 --> 00:46:46,125
Whatever helps you
sleep at night, Ebenezer.

1158
00:46:46,125 --> 00:46:48,083
[chuckling nervously]
Uh, if memory serves me,

1159
00:46:48,083 --> 00:46:49,333
Ebenezer Scrooge ends up

1160
00:46:49,333 --> 00:46:50,833
becoming the hero
of that story.

1161
00:46:50,833 --> 00:46:53,083
- It's Ricky, right?
- [Rod] Yeah.

1162
00:46:53,083 --> 00:46:57,375
I'm wondering, Ricky, are you
always such a bust-out asshole,

1163
00:46:57,375 --> 00:46:58,791
right out of the gate?

1164
00:46:58,791 --> 00:47:00,416
Only when I'm talking
to the type of guy

1165
00:47:00,416 --> 00:47:02,583
who can make a real
difference in this world.

1166
00:47:02,583 --> 00:47:04,916
Ted, Ricky's been
working overseas

1167
00:47:04,916 --> 00:47:07,041
for the last decade
on non-profits.

1168
00:47:07,041 --> 00:47:10,333
So at least he walks the walk.

1169
00:47:10,958 --> 00:47:13,208
Well, that's nice,

1170
00:47:13,208 --> 00:47:16,541
but he's obviously getting
his financial information

1171
00:47:16,541 --> 00:47:17,875
from 'The Huffington Post'.

1172
00:47:17,875 --> 00:47:19,458
No, actually, I've been reading

1173
00:47:19,458 --> 00:47:20,916
the 'San Francisco Chronicle'
lately.

1174
00:47:20,916 --> 00:47:21,916
I've been following

1175
00:47:21,916 --> 00:47:23,333
your potential merger
with World River.

1176
00:47:23,333 --> 00:47:24,875
It's interesting, unexpected.

1177
00:47:26,041 --> 00:47:27,958
Okay, hey, uh,
there's a ton of people inside

1178
00:47:27,958 --> 00:47:30,250
- that still wanna meet you.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

1179
00:47:30,250 --> 00:47:31,500
I'd like to hear this.

1180
00:47:32,583 --> 00:47:34,500
Unexpected, how?

1181
00:47:34,500 --> 00:47:36,375
[Rod] Oh, come on.

1182
00:47:36,375 --> 00:47:38,750
They're the yin,
and you got that big old yang.

1183
00:47:38,750 --> 00:47:40,250
It's a perfect fit.

1184
00:47:40,250 --> 00:47:42,166
In what way?

1185
00:47:42,166 --> 00:47:46,000
Well, you're old school.
They're new age.

1186
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:48,666
You got common sense,
but they got radical new ideas.

1187
00:47:48,666 --> 00:47:50,166
For my money,
I'm going common sense

1188
00:47:50,166 --> 00:47:51,625
over radical new ideas all day.

1189
00:47:51,625 --> 00:47:53,750
I'm sure the people in Portland
and San Francisco agree.

1190
00:47:53,750 --> 00:47:55,250
And that's what
makes you guys great.

1191
00:47:55,250 --> 00:47:57,000
But they're pretty good too.

1192
00:47:57,000 --> 00:48:00,041
But, together, you guys
would be unstoppable.

1193
00:48:00,958 --> 00:48:03,541
This merger could make a real
difference in this world, Ted.

1194
00:48:03,541 --> 00:48:04,791
A real difference.

1195
00:48:06,250 --> 00:48:07,916
Yin and yang, huh?

1196
00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:11,666
Oh, don't mind if I do. Thanks.

1197
00:48:16,916 --> 00:48:19,208
Where the hell did you hear
about the World River deal?

1198
00:48:19,208 --> 00:48:20,750
They were all over
your Twitter.

1199
00:48:20,750 --> 00:48:22,125
I just did a little research.

1200
00:48:22,125 --> 00:48:23,833
What are you doing
on my Twitter?

1201
00:48:23,833 --> 00:48:25,708
Dean, I told you I'm an actor.

1202
00:48:25,708 --> 00:48:27,041
When I walk into a room,

1203
00:48:27,041 --> 00:48:28,666
I want to know exactly
where I came from

1204
00:48:28,666 --> 00:48:30,875
and what every single person
in that room's been doing.

1205
00:48:30,875 --> 00:48:32,666
That's what all the greats do.

1206
00:48:32,666 --> 00:48:34,166
Matt Damon
actually bought a zoo

1207
00:48:34,166 --> 00:48:35,583
before he filmed
'We Bought a Zoo'.

1208
00:48:35,583 --> 00:48:37,041
I don't think that's true.

1209
00:48:37,041 --> 00:48:39,000
You don't believe me?
Take it up with Reddit.

1210
00:48:39,500 --> 00:48:41,583
Oh, if you'll excuse me,

1211
00:48:41,583 --> 00:48:43,125
I got to go
have a word with Keith.

1212
00:48:43,125 --> 00:48:45,583
What? How do you know Keith?!

1213
00:48:46,666 --> 00:48:50,416
We're in a weird
love-triangle thing.

1214
00:48:51,875 --> 00:48:55,541
Look, all I'm saying is I hope
there's no hard feelings.

1215
00:48:55,541 --> 00:48:57,458
Because let's face it,
you won.

1216
00:48:58,291 --> 00:48:59,541
But I'm happy for you.

1217
00:48:59,541 --> 00:49:01,166
You guys make
a fabulous couple.

1218
00:49:01,166 --> 00:49:03,041
I'm done with his ass.

1219
00:49:05,000 --> 00:49:07,166
Look, I still love the guy,

1220
00:49:07,166 --> 00:49:09,000
but I'm tired of working
60 hours a week

1221
00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:11,916
while he sits around not doing
anything to improve himself.

1222
00:49:11,916 --> 00:49:13,208
I just...

1223
00:49:13,875 --> 00:49:16,083
I can't be with a person
like that anymore.

1224
00:49:17,166 --> 00:49:19,166
What... what about his writing?
That's work.

1225
00:49:19,166 --> 00:49:20,958
What writing?

1226
00:49:20,958 --> 00:49:22,583
The book he's working on.

1227
00:49:23,208 --> 00:49:26,000
He never told me
he was writing a book.

1228
00:49:26,958 --> 00:49:29,291
He sure looks a lot older
than you guys.

1229
00:49:29,291 --> 00:49:30,541
- Really?
- Mmm.

1230
00:49:30,541 --> 00:49:32,500
Yeah, well, he is,
by a couple years.

1231
00:49:32,500 --> 00:49:35,375
You know, we were like
little brothers to him.

1232
00:49:35,375 --> 00:49:39,791
Hmm, no, I mean, like more
than a couple of years.

1233
00:49:40,375 --> 00:49:42,000
Well, it's because
of the drugs - he...

1234
00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:44,000
You know, he was a huge
partier, back in the day.

1235
00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:45,791
I mean, like hard drugs.

1236
00:49:45,791 --> 00:49:48,083
Huffing glue. Like, the works.

1237
00:49:48,583 --> 00:49:50,875
I mean, that'll suck the youth
right out of your face.

1238
00:49:50,875 --> 00:49:51,875
It does.

1239
00:49:52,416 --> 00:49:53,916
Yeah, that was all before
he went on

1240
00:49:53,916 --> 00:49:55,791
- the straight and narrow.
- Hmm.

1241
00:49:56,416 --> 00:49:58,916
Oh, look at them.
Look how happy they are.

1242
00:49:58,916 --> 00:50:01,208
- [JT] I told you.
- [Rabbi] It's an easy thing.

1243
00:50:01,208 --> 00:50:03,333
- [Dean] I don't see happiness.
- [Erin] What?

1244
00:50:03,333 --> 00:50:05,625
I see fear and anxiety.

1245
00:50:05,625 --> 00:50:07,333
Fear of what?

1246
00:50:07,333 --> 00:50:09,000
[Dean] Of the responsibility
of it all.

1247
00:50:09,000 --> 00:50:10,500
What do they even
get out of it?

1248
00:50:10,500 --> 00:50:12,833
What do they get
out of having a family?

1249
00:50:12,833 --> 00:50:14,125
- Yeah.
- Come on.

1250
00:50:14,125 --> 00:50:17,375
I mean, I get it on paper.
Sure, right.

1251
00:50:17,375 --> 00:50:20,666
But in reality, having a kid
is fear and anxiety

1252
00:50:20,666 --> 00:50:22,625
with periodic moments
of crushing pain.

1253
00:50:23,958 --> 00:50:25,708
And then you get
bitter and resentful

1254
00:50:25,708 --> 00:50:28,333
and eventually just... mean.

1255
00:50:30,375 --> 00:50:32,541
At least that's how it was
at my house.

1256
00:50:33,750 --> 00:50:35,500
You realize that's
the most you've ever

1257
00:50:35,500 --> 00:50:37,000
told me about your childhood?

1258
00:50:38,625 --> 00:50:41,041
[Rod] Look, he is
kind of lost right now,

1259
00:50:41,041 --> 00:50:43,291
but just give him a little
time, he'll figure it out.

1260
00:50:44,208 --> 00:50:46,291
I've given him plenty of time.

1261
00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:49,750
I think you need
to step back in, Ricky.

1262
00:50:49,750 --> 00:50:51,416
Be there for him.

1263
00:50:51,416 --> 00:50:53,500
Ease the blow a little
when I drop him.

1264
00:50:53,500 --> 00:50:55,416
Oh, hey, Keith, slow down.

1265
00:50:55,416 --> 00:50:57,125
Take it from me,
relationships like yours,

1266
00:50:57,125 --> 00:50:58,625
they don't come around
that often.

1267
00:50:58,625 --> 00:50:59,625
They just don't.

1268
00:50:59,625 --> 00:51:01,833
My own mother
was married six times.

1269
00:51:01,833 --> 00:51:03,458
She never found happiness.

1270
00:51:03,458 --> 00:51:04,875
An incredible sex life,

1271
00:51:04,875 --> 00:51:06,791
but she was filled up
with everything but joy.

1272
00:51:07,583 --> 00:51:09,791
You really want to
give up on this?

1273
00:51:09,791 --> 00:51:11,625
May not come back around.

1274
00:51:16,166 --> 00:51:17,541
Ricky!

1275
00:51:18,416 --> 00:51:20,916
I understand you spent
a lot of time in Kenya

1276
00:51:20,916 --> 00:51:23,041
working with
the Give Green organization.

1277
00:51:23,041 --> 00:51:25,833
Yeah, yeah, good peeps.

1278
00:51:25,833 --> 00:51:27,375
Green peeps, yeah.

1279
00:51:27,375 --> 00:51:29,916
I'm interested in
what your experience was there,

1280
00:51:29,916 --> 00:51:31,875
because, you know,
I've been reading up on them

1281
00:51:31,875 --> 00:51:35,000
and they're a really
intriguing organization.

1282
00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:36,166
Yeah, you know what?

1283
00:51:36,166 --> 00:51:38,458
I was just trying to find
one of those cheese-puff trays.

1284
00:51:38,458 --> 00:51:40,750
- I'll show you where they are.
- Right, but before you do,

1285
00:51:40,750 --> 00:51:42,291
can you tell me about
Charlie Sennet?

1286
00:51:42,291 --> 00:51:43,291
Huh?

1287
00:51:43,291 --> 00:51:47,125
Charlie Sennet, the journalist
who started Give Green

1288
00:51:47,125 --> 00:51:48,416
and is still hands on.

1289
00:51:48,416 --> 00:51:50,625
I mean,
did you get to meet him?

1290
00:51:50,625 --> 00:51:52,500
What do you think
of his mission statement?

1291
00:51:52,500 --> 00:51:53,833
Is it tenable?

1292
00:51:53,833 --> 00:51:56,541
Oh, yeah,
of course it's tenable.

1293
00:51:56,541 --> 00:51:57,833
Elevenable, twelveable...

1294
00:51:57,833 --> 00:51:59,500
I mean,
it's infinite really, right?

1295
00:51:59,500 --> 00:52:00,500
[Leona] Ha-ha.

1296
00:52:00,500 --> 00:52:02,000
I mean, I'm intrigued
by their policy

1297
00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:03,833
of direct charitable donations.

1298
00:52:03,833 --> 00:52:05,333
You know, personally, I think

1299
00:52:05,333 --> 00:52:07,583
donations need
to be conditional.

1300
00:52:07,583 --> 00:52:09,500
What do you think?

1301
00:52:10,166 --> 00:52:11,333
[Dean] Uh, you know what?

1302
00:52:11,333 --> 00:52:12,875
It's group photo time.
Group photo time.

1303
00:52:12,875 --> 00:52:14,791
Group photo! Come on,
let's make some memories!

1304
00:52:14,791 --> 00:52:15,833
Yeah. Yeah.

1305
00:52:15,833 --> 00:52:17,958
You have no idea what I'm
talking about, do you, Ricky?

1306
00:52:17,958 --> 00:52:20,375
Maybe he just doesn't want
to talk shop at a bris, Leona.

1307
00:52:20,375 --> 00:52:22,916
Or maybe he's a fraud.
Are you a fraud, sir?

1308
00:52:23,791 --> 00:52:25,875
[cool jazz piano music plays]

1309
00:52:28,708 --> 00:52:30,708
[piano music intensifies]

1310
00:52:36,291 --> 00:52:37,958
I'll tell you
what's fraudulent, Leona.

1311
00:52:37,958 --> 00:52:38,958
Yeah?

1312
00:52:38,958 --> 00:52:40,791
The perception that
the program at Give Green

1313
00:52:40,791 --> 00:52:42,166
needs to be conditional.

1314
00:52:42,166 --> 00:52:44,125
They choose to offer
unconditional cash transfers

1315
00:52:44,125 --> 00:52:45,208
for two reasons.

1316
00:52:45,208 --> 00:52:47,875
First, empowering poor people
to make their own choices?

1317
00:52:47,875 --> 00:52:50,041
Well, that advances
their core value of respect.

1318
00:52:50,041 --> 00:52:52,041
Second, imposing
conditions requires

1319
00:52:52,041 --> 00:52:54,458
expensive monitoring
and enforcement structures

1320
00:52:54,458 --> 00:52:57,166
that could raise administrative
costs as high as 63%.

1321
00:52:57,666 --> 00:52:59,750
The existing empirical evidence
comparing the impact

1322
00:52:59,750 --> 00:53:02,125
of conditional
to unconditional cash transfers

1323
00:53:02,125 --> 00:53:03,875
shows that these added costs

1324
00:53:03,875 --> 00:53:06,166
simply do not
produce commensurate benefits.

1325
00:53:08,125 --> 00:53:10,458
I wonder where those
cheese-puff trays went off to.

1326
00:53:11,500 --> 00:53:14,000
[cool jazz piano music plays]

1327
00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:17,708
[hushed chattering]

1328
00:53:19,166 --> 00:53:20,791
Did you want a cheese puff,
Leona?

1329
00:53:20,791 --> 00:53:22,041
[piano music outro plays]

1330
00:53:22,041 --> 00:53:23,541
No, thank you.

1331
00:53:26,416 --> 00:53:27,583
Huh, so what are these?

1332
00:53:27,583 --> 00:53:29,166
Glazed dates
stuffed with Asiago cheese

1333
00:53:29,166 --> 00:53:30,166
and pickled herring.

1334
00:53:30,166 --> 00:53:31,875
Don't mind if I don't.

1335
00:53:31,875 --> 00:53:32,958
No problem.

1336
00:53:34,625 --> 00:53:36,666
- That was amazing.
- Unbelievable.

1337
00:53:36,666 --> 00:53:38,458
Where the hell
did you learn all that stuff?

1338
00:53:38,458 --> 00:53:40,333
Gotta buy the zoo, baby.

1339
00:53:40,333 --> 00:53:41,958
What? Who's that...?

1340
00:53:41,958 --> 00:53:43,541
Gary Polisner's here.

1341
00:53:44,041 --> 00:53:48,041
$8,000. It's on lease,
but that's how much it's worth.

1342
00:53:48,041 --> 00:53:49,208
Oh.

1343
00:53:49,208 --> 00:53:50,750
Hey, Polisner!

1344
00:53:51,375 --> 00:53:54,708
Hey! Well you move along,
I'll talk to you later on.

1345
00:53:54,708 --> 00:53:56,333
Get over here, hey?

1346
00:53:56,333 --> 00:53:58,541
Had to park my Cybertruck
in the next county.

1347
00:53:58,541 --> 00:54:00,416
What, you too cheap
for a valet?

1348
00:54:00,416 --> 00:54:01,708
[laughing]

1349
00:54:01,708 --> 00:54:04,041
- Crap! I know that guy.
- What? What guy?

1350
00:54:04,041 --> 00:54:05,791
The guy standing
with Hairy Krishna.

1351
00:54:06,625 --> 00:54:08,416
I saved you a bagel with lox.

1352
00:54:08,416 --> 00:54:10,958
I asked for an everything
bagel. That's a nothing bagel.

1353
00:54:11,458 --> 00:54:13,500
Hey, you got any booze
in this place?

1354
00:54:13,500 --> 00:54:14,500
Yeah.

1355
00:54:14,500 --> 00:54:16,458
[Gary] Let me guess,
it's a cash bar. [laughs]

1356
00:54:16,458 --> 00:54:17,958
Oh, shit!

1357
00:54:17,958 --> 00:54:19,541
Go up the stairs.
Go into the garage.

1358
00:54:19,541 --> 00:54:21,583
Just get in there. Don't
come out until I tell you.

1359
00:54:21,583 --> 00:54:22,958
All right? Go, go, go, go, go.

1360
00:54:22,958 --> 00:54:24,291
Fuck.

1361
00:54:24,291 --> 00:54:26,250
And as you can tell,
I actually don't sweat...

1362
00:54:26,250 --> 00:54:27,750
[JT] What the fuck
are you saying?

1363
00:54:27,750 --> 00:54:29,708
Ricky knows Polisner.

1364
00:54:29,708 --> 00:54:31,791
- How?
- How the hell do I know?

1365
00:54:31,791 --> 00:54:34,125
They're both actors. Maybe
they crossed paths somehow.

1366
00:54:34,125 --> 00:54:35,750
We got to get Polisner
out of here.

1367
00:54:35,750 --> 00:54:37,208
He just got here.

1368
00:54:38,625 --> 00:54:39,875
Goddamn it.

1369
00:54:39,875 --> 00:54:41,583
We could put him
in a K-hole.

1370
00:54:41,583 --> 00:54:42,625
What's that?

1371
00:54:43,125 --> 00:54:44,375
Dose him with ketamine.

1372
00:54:44,875 --> 00:54:47,333
Yeah, great idea. I'll just run
down to CVS and grab a bottle.

1373
00:54:47,333 --> 00:54:48,666
No need.

1374
00:54:49,958 --> 00:54:51,916
Why the hell
do you have ketamine?

1375
00:54:53,333 --> 00:54:56,583
Well, sometimes
after a hard day, you...

1376
00:54:57,250 --> 00:54:58,875
You K-hole yourself.

1377
00:54:58,875 --> 00:55:01,041
I could see that.
Where do you get these things?

1378
00:55:01,041 --> 00:55:02,583
- My grandmother died.
- Guys!

1379
00:55:02,583 --> 00:55:03,958
We're not K-holing anyone.

1380
00:55:03,958 --> 00:55:06,083
Stop being such
a fucking wang, Dean. Okay?

1381
00:55:06,083 --> 00:55:07,625
We're going to get him
a little drowsy

1382
00:55:07,625 --> 00:55:09,250
and then put him in a cab.

1383
00:55:09,250 --> 00:55:10,541
Are you guys serious right now?

1384
00:55:10,541 --> 00:55:12,291
You want to drug
the Red Robin guy?

1385
00:55:12,291 --> 00:55:14,833
What other fucking choice
do we have?

1386
00:55:14,833 --> 00:55:18,041
"Seconds on steak fries?
Uh, yeah!"

1387
00:55:18,041 --> 00:55:20,875
First take. Everyone applauded.
That's the one they used, too.

1388
00:55:20,875 --> 00:55:21,916
[Summerhayes groans]

1389
00:55:22,833 --> 00:55:25,833
Fuck it.
Let's K-hole the prick.

1390
00:55:25,833 --> 00:55:28,625
- [Dean] This is it.
- [JT] Yep, let's go. Let's go.

1391
00:55:28,625 --> 00:55:30,125
[loud exclaiming]

1392
00:55:30,125 --> 00:55:31,500
- [Wes] All right.
- [Dean] No way!

1393
00:55:31,500 --> 00:55:33,666
[JT] That's right, I hit.
That's right, I hit.

1394
00:55:33,666 --> 00:55:35,583
- Let's go for two.
- He's got you believing.

1395
00:55:35,583 --> 00:55:36,875
Come on, baby. Come on!

1396
00:55:36,875 --> 00:55:38,291
Bad throw. Bad throw.

1397
00:55:38,291 --> 00:55:40,166
Bad throw! Dude, your foot
came off the couch.

1398
00:55:40,166 --> 00:55:42,625
- Oh, hey, Gare.
- Oh, hey, Dean, what's up?

1399
00:55:42,625 --> 00:55:45,708
Hey, uh, you guys seen
my Red Robin commercial yet?

1400
00:55:45,708 --> 00:55:47,791
- We did. Yeah, we did.
- Yeah. Shit went national.

1401
00:55:47,791 --> 00:55:48,833
Yeah, I love that.

1402
00:55:48,833 --> 00:55:51,416
Thinking of getting me
a sweet kimono dragon.

1403
00:55:51,416 --> 00:55:53,500
Isn't it 'komodo'?

1404
00:55:53,500 --> 00:55:55,416
No, not the one
I'm getting, right?

1405
00:55:55,416 --> 00:55:57,750
- Oh, yeah!
- [Gary] Off market. All cash.

1406
00:55:57,750 --> 00:56:00,875
- What are you losers doing?
- We're playing a game

1407
00:56:00,875 --> 00:56:02,583
where if you catch
three peanuts in a row,

1408
00:56:02,583 --> 00:56:04,333
you get 20 bucks
from each of us.

1409
00:56:04,333 --> 00:56:05,375
Why, you want in?

1410
00:56:06,125 --> 00:56:07,666
- Fuck yeah!
- Oh?

1411
00:56:07,666 --> 00:56:09,250
- Yeah, yeah, yeah!
- Okay.

1412
00:56:09,250 --> 00:56:10,750
Man, I'll kick all your asses.

1413
00:56:10,750 --> 00:56:12,583
Step right up
and get behind the hat.

1414
00:56:12,583 --> 00:56:14,541
- [JT] No cheating.
- [Gary] I got this.

1415
00:56:15,291 --> 00:56:16,583
- Here we go.
- You focused?

1416
00:56:17,666 --> 00:56:19,750
- [JT] Whoa!
- Whoa! Boom!

1417
00:56:19,750 --> 00:56:20,916
Wow!

1418
00:56:20,916 --> 00:56:22,458
Relax, Gare.
Little bit of luck there.

1419
00:56:22,458 --> 00:56:23,541
- Okay.
- [JT] Get low.

1420
00:56:25,541 --> 00:56:28,708
- Ohh! Yeah.
- Ohh! Yes!

1421
00:56:28,708 --> 00:56:30,750
I'm just as good as Wes
at catching nuts in my mouth.

1422
00:56:30,750 --> 00:56:32,833
Oh. Right. 'Cause I'm gay.

1423
00:56:32,833 --> 00:56:33,916
[laughing] Yeah.

1424
00:56:33,916 --> 00:56:35,583
[whispers] I'm so happy
we're doing this.

1425
00:56:36,166 --> 00:56:37,791
Okay, this one's
for all the marbles.

1426
00:56:37,791 --> 00:56:39,916
[JT] All right, Gary,
let's go, buddy. You ready?

1427
00:56:39,916 --> 00:56:41,750
[Dean] Ready?
One, two...

1428
00:56:42,416 --> 00:56:44,333
[in slow-motion] Three...

1429
00:56:45,791 --> 00:56:48,500
[triumphant music]

1430
00:57:06,500 --> 00:57:08,500
Ba-doomp-pow! All net!

1431
00:57:11,166 --> 00:57:13,041
I think I ate a bad one.

1432
00:57:13,666 --> 00:57:14,833
Bitter.

1433
00:57:15,958 --> 00:57:17,500
[Rabbi] My sweet boy.

1434
00:57:17,500 --> 00:57:21,000
May God make you
like Ephraim and Manasseh.

1435
00:57:21,000 --> 00:57:24,416
May God bless you
and watch over you.

1436
00:57:24,416 --> 00:57:26,166
Shouldn't we be stopping this?

1437
00:57:26,166 --> 00:57:29,083
Don't worry, we got about
a half hour before it kicks in.

1438
00:57:31,958 --> 00:57:34,500
Hey, I figured out
how I know him.

1439
00:57:34,500 --> 00:57:36,583
He's in those
Red Robin commercials.

1440
00:57:36,583 --> 00:57:39,791
"Seconds on steak fries?
Uh, yeah!"

1441
00:57:39,791 --> 00:57:41,708
Dude, that was great.
You should be an actor.

1442
00:57:41,708 --> 00:57:43,500
So you guys have
never met before?

1443
00:57:43,500 --> 00:57:45,666
- No, but...
- Yeah, just a big fan.

1444
00:57:48,958 --> 00:57:51,458
- All right, it's time.
- Okay.

1445
00:57:55,208 --> 00:57:57,541
[laughing] Oh...

1446
00:57:57,541 --> 00:57:59,166
we're going to need
a steak knife.

1447
00:57:59,166 --> 00:58:00,208
Ha!

1448
00:58:01,375 --> 00:58:04,500
Wow! Is this his bris
or his bar mitzvah?

1449
00:58:04,500 --> 00:58:05,666
[nervous chuckle]

1450
00:58:05,666 --> 00:58:08,833
Okay, little vinegar...
Whitaker...

1451
00:58:09,875 --> 00:58:14,125
[Rabbi slurring] ...has
skanctified us with the...

1452
00:58:14,916 --> 00:58:17,541
...commandiments...
com... condiments...

1453
00:58:18,625 --> 00:58:20,250
...comma... commandments...

1454
00:58:20,250 --> 00:58:22,166
With the commander-ments.

1455
00:58:22,166 --> 00:58:24,166
With the commandments. Oy...

1456
00:58:24,750 --> 00:58:27,083
- [hushed chatter]
- [woman] He's seems confused.

1457
00:58:28,833 --> 00:58:30,958
[whispers] What the hell?
Is he drunk?

1458
00:58:30,958 --> 00:58:33,583
[whispers] I don't know.
I saw him eat a peanut earlier.

1459
00:58:33,583 --> 00:58:35,083
Maybe he's having a reaction?

1460
00:58:35,083 --> 00:58:36,833
- Man, you said half an hour.
- I don't know.

1461
00:58:36,833 --> 00:58:38,583
I think I might have
developed a tolerance.

1462
00:58:40,250 --> 00:58:41,500
Okay.

1463
00:58:42,791 --> 00:58:44,708
[Rabbi slurring]
And he hasht given us

1464
00:58:44,708 --> 00:58:46,666
the command to...

1465
00:58:46,666 --> 00:58:47,958
circumvision!

1466
00:58:47,958 --> 00:58:50,083
[people gasping]

1467
00:58:50,083 --> 00:58:53,333
Hi, fishy-fishy!
Oh, to fishy-fishy!

1468
00:58:53,333 --> 00:58:56,708
Mommy, I don't want to
go to school tomorrow.

1469
00:58:56,708 --> 00:58:58,291
[Susan] Oh, my God!

1470
00:58:58,291 --> 00:59:00,125
Oh, my God!
He's allergic to peanuts.

1471
00:59:00,125 --> 00:59:01,333
What did she say?

1472
00:59:01,333 --> 00:59:03,208
She said
he's allergic to penis.

1473
00:59:03,208 --> 00:59:04,916
Oh, he's certainly in
the wrong business.

1474
00:59:04,916 --> 00:59:06,375
Ba-doomp-pow!

1475
00:59:06,375 --> 00:59:07,916
Oh, my God.

1476
00:59:07,916 --> 00:59:09,916
He's only half circumcised.

1477
00:59:09,916 --> 00:59:11,416
Take the kid to the hospital.

1478
00:59:11,416 --> 00:59:14,291
- Yes, definitely a hospital.
- I could call an ambulance.

1479
00:59:14,291 --> 00:59:16,041
No, this has to be done now.

1480
00:59:16,041 --> 00:59:17,666
Let Ricky finish it.

1481
00:59:17,666 --> 00:59:20,166
Ricky? What? No!
No. Are you insane?

1482
00:59:20,166 --> 00:59:22,333
He used to work for
Bono's foundation in Africa,

1483
00:59:22,333 --> 00:59:23,541
circumcising adults.

1484
00:59:23,541 --> 00:59:24,750
Aw.

1485
00:59:25,458 --> 00:59:28,958
Yeah, he did.
But that was so long ago.

1486
00:59:28,958 --> 00:59:30,958
Plus, it's got to be
way easier to circumcise

1487
00:59:30,958 --> 00:59:33,166
a gorgeous African penis
than a baby penis.

1488
00:59:33,166 --> 00:59:34,791
You would think.

1489
00:59:34,791 --> 00:59:36,166
I can do it.

1490
00:59:37,625 --> 00:59:40,875
Uh, Ricky... Ricky! This is
a baby we're talking about.

1491
00:59:40,875 --> 00:59:43,583
A real baby. Are you sure?

1492
00:59:43,583 --> 00:59:46,000
Yeah. Yeah. It's not like
I'm cutting a diamond.

1493
00:59:46,000 --> 00:59:49,750
I'm sure I can pull it off.
Pun intended.

1494
00:59:49,750 --> 00:59:52,500
No. No! We need
a certified mohel, right?

1495
00:59:52,500 --> 00:59:54,541
- Right.
- I'll just look one up on Yelp.

1496
00:59:54,541 --> 00:59:56,083
What? No! No Yelping.

1497
00:59:56,083 --> 00:59:59,208
No, we already have a mohel.
He's already said the tefilah.

1498
00:59:59,208 --> 01:00:01,708
We just need to
let Ricky finish it off.

1499
01:00:01,708 --> 01:00:03,750
Mom, no, I'm going to
take him to a hospital,

1500
01:00:03,750 --> 01:00:05,250
where doctors work.

1501
01:00:05,250 --> 01:00:07,166
Does anyone here care
that my grandson

1502
01:00:07,166 --> 01:00:09,291
is laying there
half circumcised?

1503
01:00:09,291 --> 01:00:11,125
[snipping]
And we're done!

1504
01:00:11,125 --> 01:00:13,458
[gasping]

1505
01:00:14,291 --> 01:00:16,000
Just a little
off the ol' Tiparillo.

1506
01:00:17,166 --> 01:00:18,583
- Huh.
- [Rod] Who's next?

1507
01:00:18,583 --> 01:00:20,833
Summerhayes, get over here so
I can snip off that turtleneck.

1508
01:00:20,833 --> 01:00:23,291
Stanicky, you are unbelievable.

1509
01:00:23,291 --> 01:00:26,041
- All right, this is yours.
- No.

1510
01:00:26,041 --> 01:00:29,166
Oh, my God, Ricky!

1511
01:00:29,166 --> 01:00:32,041
- [people applauding]
- [nervous chuckling]

1512
01:00:35,750 --> 01:00:36,875
Yes!

1513
01:00:36,875 --> 01:00:39,916
Ricky Stanicky, you are even
better than advertized.

1514
01:00:39,916 --> 01:00:41,875
Ah, Susan, it's just
a pleasure to help you out.

1515
01:00:41,875 --> 01:00:44,208
By the way, the kid's got a
good-looking schmeckel on him.

1516
01:00:44,208 --> 01:00:46,375
Real hog barrel. He's going to
have some fun with that thing.

1517
01:00:46,375 --> 01:00:47,375
[laughter]

1518
01:00:47,375 --> 01:00:48,916
- Takes after his papa.
- [Rod] Yeah.

1519
01:00:48,916 --> 01:00:50,666
Ricky, do you really
have to leave already?

1520
01:00:50,666 --> 01:00:52,166
Can't you just stay
one more night?

1521
01:00:52,166 --> 01:00:54,458
I would love to, Carlsbad...

1522
01:00:55,541 --> 01:00:56,916
...but I got to go.

1523
01:00:56,916 --> 01:00:57,958
[Susan and JT] Aw...

1524
01:00:57,958 --> 01:01:00,458
He's going to Nairobi to help
out with the Ebola situation.

1525
01:01:00,458 --> 01:01:01,500
- Yeah.
- Oh.

1526
01:01:01,500 --> 01:01:02,500
Nairobi?

1527
01:01:02,500 --> 01:01:04,791
Yeah. I goes where I's needed.

1528
01:01:04,791 --> 01:01:05,958
[men chanting] Ricky! Ricky!

1529
01:01:05,958 --> 01:01:07,125
[laughing] Those guys.

1530
01:01:09,291 --> 01:01:10,583
Well...

1531
01:01:10,583 --> 01:01:12,166
[light laughter]

1532
01:01:13,333 --> 01:01:14,708
[Susan] Oh, man.

1533
01:01:14,708 --> 01:01:16,333
- Okay, bye, Ricky.
- [Wes] One of a kind.

1534
01:01:16,333 --> 01:01:18,333
- I'll see you inside.
- I'll see you in a minute.

1535
01:01:18,333 --> 01:01:19,625
I'm going to help
with the baby.

1536
01:01:19,625 --> 01:01:20,666
Okay.

1537
01:01:23,291 --> 01:01:25,083
That was amazing. Incredible.

1538
01:01:25,083 --> 01:01:26,291
You are a legend.

1539
01:01:26,291 --> 01:01:28,291
That was world class, Rod.

1540
01:01:28,291 --> 01:01:29,333
It's Ricky.

1541
01:01:29,333 --> 01:01:31,000
[all laugh]

1542
01:01:33,291 --> 01:01:35,416
- Yeah...
- Right.

1543
01:01:35,416 --> 01:01:37,500
Well, here's your dough.

1544
01:01:37,500 --> 01:01:38,833
Uh, we put some extra
in there

1545
01:01:38,833 --> 01:01:40,583
just 'cause you knocked it
out of the park, man.

1546
01:01:40,583 --> 01:01:41,583
- Yes you did.
- Yeah.

1547
01:01:41,583 --> 01:01:43,083
Where did you
learn to circumcise?

1548
01:01:43,083 --> 01:01:46,875
Oh, had a job peeling shrimp
at Beefsteak Charlie's.

1549
01:01:46,875 --> 01:01:48,708
[chuckles awkwardly] Okay.

1550
01:01:48,708 --> 01:01:50,541
["Where Have All the Cowboys
Gone?" ringtone plays]

1551
01:01:50,541 --> 01:01:52,666
- Oh, you blowing up, huh?
- [ringtone continues]

1552
01:01:52,666 --> 01:01:54,208
Are you going to get that,
or...?

1553
01:01:54,208 --> 01:01:55,500
[phone bleeps, ringtone stops]

1554
01:01:55,500 --> 01:01:58,166
No. That's just a crazy fan.

1555
01:01:58,166 --> 01:01:59,750
Well, now you got
three crazy fans.

1556
01:01:59,750 --> 01:02:00,833
That's right.

1557
01:02:01,875 --> 01:02:03,166
You guys take care.

1558
01:02:03,166 --> 01:02:04,666
- You too!
- Yeah, you too.

1559
01:02:04,666 --> 01:02:06,500
- We'll be fine. You take care.
- Yeah, please.

1560
01:02:06,500 --> 01:02:08,125
If you're ever
in Atlantic City...

1561
01:02:08,125 --> 01:02:09,916
- Possibly.
- We'll let you know.

1562
01:02:09,916 --> 01:02:11,416
We'll definitely let you know.

1563
01:02:12,291 --> 01:02:14,125
[engine idling]

1564
01:02:15,375 --> 01:02:16,875
He's good to go.

1565
01:02:16,875 --> 01:02:18,291
- [Dean] Thanks, Rod.
- Thank you.

1566
01:02:18,291 --> 01:02:19,541
It's Ricky.

1567
01:02:23,375 --> 01:02:25,125
[JT chuckles]

1568
01:02:25,125 --> 01:02:27,208
- [sighs heavily] Whew!
- Yeah!

1569
01:02:27,208 --> 01:02:29,166
- I'm hungry, man.
- [JT] Let's feed you.

1570
01:02:29,166 --> 01:02:30,500
[laughter]

1571
01:02:30,500 --> 01:02:32,083
[Wes] I can't believe
it worked!

1572
01:02:32,083 --> 01:02:34,458
I can't believe it actually
fucking worked.

1573
01:02:34,458 --> 01:02:36,000
As much of a nut job
as Rod is...

1574
01:02:36,000 --> 01:02:38,833
- Uh, it's Ricky.
- Oh, sorry, Ricky.

1575
01:02:39,916 --> 01:02:42,166
But he came through.
He actually came through.

1576
01:02:43,166 --> 01:02:44,458
So that's it, though, right?

1577
01:02:44,458 --> 01:02:45,916
- Yep.
- No more Ricky Stanicky.

1578
01:02:45,916 --> 01:02:48,333
No, we are never mentioning
his name ever again.

1579
01:02:48,333 --> 01:02:50,375
It was fun while it lasted.
Right? Okay.

1580
01:02:50,375 --> 01:02:53,416
But it's time to get off that
rollercoaster once and for all.

1581
01:02:53,416 --> 01:02:56,083
Yep. Ride's over, folks!
Please exit to your left!

1582
01:02:56,083 --> 01:02:57,666
Please check for
your belongings!

1583
01:02:57,666 --> 01:03:00,375
You gotta be this tall
to ride this ride.

1584
01:03:00,375 --> 01:03:02,208
Wes, you always do
one too many, man.

1585
01:03:02,208 --> 01:03:03,500
Fuck you. Is that one too many?

1586
01:03:03,500 --> 01:03:06,208
- Oh, it is. That is too many.
- Guys, guys, guys. Guys.

1587
01:03:06,208 --> 01:03:09,708
For the very last time,
a toast...

1588
01:03:09,708 --> 01:03:11,333
To Ricky Stanicky.

1589
01:03:11,333 --> 01:03:13,416
[Wes and JT] To Ricky Stanicky!

1590
01:03:13,416 --> 01:03:15,125
Best friend we never had.

1591
01:03:15,125 --> 01:03:16,125
[glasses clinking]

1592
01:03:18,291 --> 01:03:20,333
- You got some on your arm.
- Hoo!

1593
01:03:22,250 --> 01:03:24,541
[JT] I mean, it's my
newborn son, you know,

1594
01:03:24,541 --> 01:03:26,083
it's like this bonding thing.

1595
01:03:26,083 --> 01:03:27,791
If anybody else
had pissed on me,

1596
01:03:27,791 --> 01:03:29,375
I'd be totally grossed out.

1597
01:03:29,375 --> 01:03:30,791
What about if it was Susan?

1598
01:03:30,791 --> 01:03:32,000
Eew!

1599
01:03:32,000 --> 01:03:35,083
Hey, guys, grab a cup of coffee
and get in here.

1600
01:03:36,000 --> 01:03:37,041
Yes!

1601
01:03:37,041 --> 01:03:39,416
Yesterday was a real kick.

1602
01:03:39,416 --> 01:03:41,125
It was nice spending time
with you guys

1603
01:03:41,125 --> 01:03:42,291
outside the boiler room.

1604
01:03:42,291 --> 01:03:43,541
- Mm-hm.
- It is.

1605
01:03:43,541 --> 01:03:45,041
Who doesn't love
a good bris, right?

1606
01:03:45,041 --> 01:03:47,333
Right!
We should do it all the time.

1607
01:03:48,000 --> 01:03:51,125
- Have a bris?
- Hang out. We should hang...

1608
01:03:51,125 --> 01:03:54,750
By the way, your wife, Miriam,
she's amazing.

1609
01:03:54,750 --> 01:03:57,291
- Just fantastic.
- A lovely, lovely woman.

1610
01:03:57,291 --> 01:04:00,000
Thanks. She liked you guys too.

1611
01:04:00,000 --> 01:04:03,166
And she was really taken
with your friend Stanicky.

1612
01:04:03,166 --> 01:04:06,791
He's got brass balls on him,
that guy.

1613
01:04:06,791 --> 01:04:08,583
She loved how
in my face he was.

1614
01:04:08,583 --> 01:04:09,625
Really?

1615
01:04:09,625 --> 01:04:11,458
Yeah, he'll give it to you,
man, that guy.

1616
01:04:11,458 --> 01:04:12,916
- That's Ricky.
- Yeah. He'll...

1617
01:04:12,916 --> 01:04:15,000
- Just... he's a character.
- He is a character.

1618
01:04:15,000 --> 01:04:17,166
- A powerful creature, man.
- He sure is.

1619
01:04:17,166 --> 01:04:18,666
That's why I hired him.

1620
01:04:18,666 --> 01:04:20,250
- Mm-hm.
- Awesome.

1621
01:04:20,250 --> 01:04:21,750
What the fuck
did you just say?

1622
01:04:22,875 --> 01:04:24,750
What the fuck
did you just say?

1623
01:04:25,791 --> 01:04:29,250
I just said, "Awesome."

1624
01:04:29,250 --> 01:04:30,750
That's awesome.

1625
01:04:30,750 --> 01:04:32,416
You just said...

1626
01:04:32,416 --> 01:04:34,208
What did you say?
Just say it one more time?

1627
01:04:34,208 --> 01:04:38,208
Ricky gave me his number and
when I got home, I called him.

1628
01:04:38,208 --> 01:04:40,166
I got him right before
he got on the plane too.

1629
01:04:40,166 --> 01:04:41,875
He came over to my place.

1630
01:04:41,875 --> 01:04:44,458
We were up till 4 a.m.
banging out a deal.

1631
01:04:44,458 --> 01:04:46,291
The buff guy?

1632
01:04:46,291 --> 01:04:48,375
The guy who wore the
safari outfit to my son's bris

1633
01:04:48,375 --> 01:04:50,000
and circumcised him
with a cigar cutter?

1634
01:04:50,000 --> 01:04:51,666
- You banged out a deal?
- Yes.

1635
01:04:51,666 --> 01:04:53,333
I hired Ricky Stanicky.

1636
01:04:53,958 --> 01:04:56,333
Wow! Wow!

1637
01:04:56,333 --> 01:04:59,500
But do you think...
like, he has the experience

1638
01:04:59,500 --> 01:05:01,583
- to be working here?
- Yeah, does he, ya think?

1639
01:05:01,583 --> 01:05:03,750
Nah, whatever he lacks
in experience,

1640
01:05:03,750 --> 01:05:07,583
he more than makes up for
with piss and vinegar.

1641
01:05:07,583 --> 01:05:10,250
I loved his take
on the World River deal.

1642
01:05:10,250 --> 01:05:12,083
- But that's...
- Not his take, really.

1643
01:05:12,083 --> 01:05:13,958
Yeah, that's just what he read
in the news.

1644
01:05:13,958 --> 01:05:15,083
Uh-huh.

1645
01:05:15,083 --> 01:05:17,708
You can stop
playing games, guys.

1646
01:05:17,708 --> 01:05:20,000
I know you've been
recruiting him.

1647
01:05:20,000 --> 01:05:21,500
You don't think I noticed

1648
01:05:21,500 --> 01:05:25,833
that JT expensed three rounds
of golf at Carnegie Abbey

1649
01:05:25,833 --> 01:05:27,500
in the last couple of months?

1650
01:05:29,416 --> 01:05:31,750
That was two rounds, I think...

1651
01:05:31,750 --> 01:05:33,750
B-because we were...
we were...

1652
01:05:33,750 --> 01:05:36,041
- We were recruiting him.
- Recruiting him.

1653
01:05:36,041 --> 01:05:37,541
And we decided...

1654
01:05:37,541 --> 01:05:39,416
- Not... not good.
- Not Summerhayes material.

1655
01:05:39,416 --> 01:05:40,625
Yeah, he just doesn't...

1656
01:05:40,625 --> 01:05:42,416
[JT] I don't think
he's right for this place.

1657
01:05:42,416 --> 01:05:44,375
Hey! Speak of the devil.

1658
01:05:45,083 --> 01:05:48,833
[mellow funk music]

1659
01:05:52,791 --> 01:05:53,791
Okay.

1660
01:05:53,791 --> 01:05:54,875
- Oh, Philip.
- Yeah?

1661
01:05:54,875 --> 01:05:58,166
I was hoping to see something
in a mahogany or a birch.

1662
01:05:58,166 --> 01:06:02,333
I believe this is Carolina
pine. That's a shit wood.

1663
01:06:03,083 --> 01:06:05,666
Okay. Uh... shit wood...

1664
01:06:05,666 --> 01:06:07,041
Philip, can we have a sec?

1665
01:06:07,041 --> 01:06:08,583
Yes. Please.

1666
01:06:09,333 --> 01:06:11,291
[Rod] Oh, and for these walls,

1667
01:06:11,291 --> 01:06:14,291
I'd love to see something
in more of a ham color.

1668
01:06:15,166 --> 01:06:16,791
Right.

1669
01:06:19,708 --> 01:06:21,708
What the fuck do you think
you're doing here?

1670
01:06:21,708 --> 01:06:24,166
This is unbelievable.
How cool is this, right?

1671
01:06:24,166 --> 01:06:26,166
And I didn't even have to
fill out an application!

1672
01:06:26,166 --> 01:06:28,541
Application?!
This isn't Little Caesar's.

1673
01:06:28,541 --> 01:06:31,333
There's no way for you to act
your way through this, okay?

1674
01:06:31,333 --> 01:06:33,541
There's no script for you
to follow here.

1675
01:06:33,541 --> 01:06:35,375
Okay, you guys can help me out.

1676
01:06:35,375 --> 01:06:37,500
Just like I helped you out
in the bris thing, right?

1677
01:06:37,500 --> 01:06:40,083
- That's what friends are for.
- Friends? We're not friends!

1678
01:06:40,083 --> 01:06:42,250
The deal was you come to
the gig, then you leave.

1679
01:06:42,250 --> 01:06:43,333
You got paid.

1680
01:06:43,333 --> 01:06:44,500
- Now go!
- Go!

1681
01:06:44,500 --> 01:06:46,916
Come on.
What was I supposed to do?

1682
01:06:46,916 --> 01:06:48,416
Your boss, Summersquash,
hits me up

1683
01:06:48,416 --> 01:06:50,041
- and he's like, "Hey, man."
- 'Summerhayes'?

1684
01:06:50,041 --> 01:06:51,541
Yes, that guy.

1685
01:06:51,541 --> 01:06:53,916
Offers me 250 large
right out of the blue.

1686
01:06:53,916 --> 01:06:56,708
- What?!
- $250,000?

1687
01:06:56,708 --> 01:06:58,333
Yeah, but that's
for the whole year.

1688
01:06:58,333 --> 01:06:59,791
That's more than we make.

1689
01:06:59,791 --> 01:07:00,916
Oh, my God!

1690
01:07:00,916 --> 01:07:03,458
Well, I did work as a hostage
negotiator in Somalia.

1691
01:07:03,458 --> 01:07:05,541
So maybe I bring a certain
amount of life experience

1692
01:07:05,541 --> 01:07:06,541
to the table.

1693
01:07:06,541 --> 01:07:08,750
I mean, come on, guys,
didn't you read the bible?

1694
01:07:08,750 --> 01:07:11,625
- We wrote the fucking bible!
- We did that.

1695
01:07:11,625 --> 01:07:13,791
Rod, I need you to listen
to me very, very carefully.

1696
01:07:13,791 --> 01:07:15,166
It's 'Ricky'.

1697
01:07:15,166 --> 01:07:17,958
Rod! Listen to me, okay?

1698
01:07:17,958 --> 01:07:21,625
There's no way
that this ends well. All right?

1699
01:07:21,625 --> 01:07:23,958
You don't even know
what we do here.

1700
01:07:23,958 --> 01:07:25,625
It's like business stuff.

1701
01:07:25,625 --> 01:07:27,583
You guys are like...
like bookies, right?

1702
01:07:28,500 --> 01:07:29,916
We're not bookies.

1703
01:07:29,916 --> 01:07:32,833
Well, when you boil it down
a little bit, there is...

1704
01:07:32,833 --> 01:07:35,458
It's way more complex
than that, okay?

1705
01:07:36,125 --> 01:07:38,916
Dean, Erin's in your office.
She says it's urgent.

1706
01:07:43,333 --> 01:07:44,333
Hey.

1707
01:07:44,833 --> 01:07:46,541
They hired me!

1708
01:07:46,541 --> 01:07:48,041
- Who?
- MFMBC!

1709
01:07:48,041 --> 01:07:50,125
They want me to produce
the 'Hero of the Week' segment.

1710
01:07:50,125 --> 01:07:52,375
- MFMBC?
- Yes!

1711
01:07:52,375 --> 01:07:53,875
Are you kidding me? What?!

1712
01:07:53,875 --> 01:07:56,833
- Oh, my gosh! Oh.
- [Erin squeals and laughs]

1713
01:07:56,833 --> 01:07:59,041
- Oh, I'm so proud of you.
- Thank you.

1714
01:07:59,041 --> 01:08:00,833
Didn't I tell you you were
going to get your big break?

1715
01:08:00,833 --> 01:08:02,500
- You did, you did.
- You got your big break.

1716
01:08:02,500 --> 01:08:04,458
You did. I pushed them
the Ricky Stanicky story

1717
01:08:04,458 --> 01:08:05,916
and they loved it.

1718
01:08:05,916 --> 01:08:07,625
The Ricky what?

1719
01:08:07,625 --> 01:08:09,125
The 'Hero of the Week' segment.

1720
01:08:09,125 --> 01:08:11,125
I sent them a proposal
about the work Ricky does

1721
01:08:11,125 --> 01:08:13,416
in Africa, in South America
and how he works with Bono...

1722
01:08:13,416 --> 01:08:15,333
[audio distorts] ...and helped
clean up the oil spill

1723
01:08:15,333 --> 01:08:18,125
in the Chesapeake Bay,
and they want me to produce it!

1724
01:08:18,625 --> 01:08:20,958
- Oh!
-"Oh"?

1725
01:08:21,666 --> 01:08:23,041
What's wrong with your face?

1726
01:08:23,041 --> 01:08:26,666
This is my happy face.
I'm so... I'm happy.

1727
01:08:26,666 --> 01:08:28,875
I'm ha... I'm happy.
[coughing]

1728
01:08:28,875 --> 01:08:31,541
Great. Because we got to
get him back here now.

1729
01:08:31,541 --> 01:08:33,458
They want me
to run it this week.

1730
01:08:33,458 --> 01:08:34,791
Right.

1731
01:08:34,791 --> 01:08:38,291
I don't know if that's
going to be... possible.

1732
01:08:38,291 --> 01:08:40,541
I don't...
There's just a lot of, uh...

1733
01:08:40,541 --> 01:08:42,708
- [Ricky] More of a canned ham.
- A lot of moving...

1734
01:08:42,708 --> 01:08:44,333
- Very close to spam.
- [Erin] Ricky?

1735
01:08:44,333 --> 01:08:45,583
Ricky!

1736
01:08:46,708 --> 01:08:47,833
Ricky!

1737
01:08:47,833 --> 01:08:50,958
Man of the Year?
Wow! That's so cool!

1738
01:08:50,958 --> 01:08:53,041
It's not man of the year.
It's hero of the week.

1739
01:08:53,041 --> 01:08:55,500
And it's not wow.
It's a fucking shit show.

1740
01:08:55,500 --> 01:08:56,541
And on top of that,

1741
01:08:56,541 --> 01:08:58,375
the girls are going bowling
with him tonight.

1742
01:08:58,375 --> 01:09:00,541
- Do we have to go?
- Of course we have to go.

1743
01:09:00,541 --> 01:09:03,333
We're the dipshit's
best friends, remember?

1744
01:09:04,166 --> 01:09:06,083
Plus we can't let that fucker
out of our sight.

1745
01:09:06,083 --> 01:09:07,583
There's no telling
what he'll say.

1746
01:09:07,583 --> 01:09:11,583
You know, on the bright side,
it is pretty remarkable that,

1747
01:09:11,583 --> 01:09:14,791
you know, we invented a man
who can win an award like this.

1748
01:09:14,791 --> 01:09:16,083
Hey, you think he'll thank us?

1749
01:09:16,083 --> 01:09:18,750
Are you fucking serious
right now?

1750
01:09:18,750 --> 01:09:21,250
Wes! You are smoking
way too much weed

1751
01:09:21,250 --> 01:09:23,791
if you don't understand
how serious this is, okay?

1752
01:09:23,791 --> 01:09:25,916
It's not just about us anymore.

1753
01:09:25,916 --> 01:09:30,000
This could destroy
Erin's career. Wake up!

1754
01:09:33,500 --> 01:09:35,000
I don't have a choice.

1755
01:09:35,666 --> 01:09:37,500
- I got to tell her the truth.
- No fucking way!

1756
01:09:37,500 --> 01:09:39,250
- I got to.
- Dean, no. Dude!

1757
01:09:39,250 --> 01:09:42,041
If you tell Erin,
she'll tell Susan. Okay?

1758
01:09:42,041 --> 01:09:43,666
Then what do you think
is going to happen?

1759
01:09:43,666 --> 01:09:45,166
Not only did I miss
the birth of my son,

1760
01:09:45,166 --> 01:09:47,083
but I let some porno
Peter Frampton impersonator

1761
01:09:47,083 --> 01:09:48,875
snip his dick
with a cigar cutter.

1762
01:09:48,875 --> 01:09:50,208
No!

1763
01:09:52,416 --> 01:09:53,500
Hey, guys.

1764
01:09:54,375 --> 01:09:55,583
Hey, Karnowski.

1765
01:09:55,583 --> 01:09:57,250
How was the Rebillet show?

1766
01:09:57,250 --> 01:09:59,958
It was great, you piece of
shit. Thanks for the tickets.

1767
01:09:59,958 --> 01:10:01,416
Thank you!

1768
01:10:03,583 --> 01:10:05,291
Shitbag!

1769
01:10:07,458 --> 01:10:09,166
He doesn't deserve that.
Karnowsk!

1770
01:10:10,750 --> 01:10:12,208
Karnowski!

1771
01:10:13,041 --> 01:10:16,375
- [indistinct chatter]
- [up-tempo music plays]

1772
01:10:19,708 --> 01:10:21,583
[Rod] You'll never pick it up.

1773
01:10:24,666 --> 01:10:26,666
I like your form.

1774
01:10:29,333 --> 01:10:32,416
I mean, look at this guy.
Not a care in the world.

1775
01:10:32,416 --> 01:10:34,416
If he mentions his salary
one more time,

1776
01:10:34,416 --> 01:10:36,166
I'm going to hit him
in the fucking head.

1777
01:10:36,166 --> 01:10:37,750
Well, maybe if you gave him
more money

1778
01:10:37,750 --> 01:10:39,416
than he's being paid,
he'd leave.

1779
01:10:39,416 --> 01:10:41,958
He's getting paid $250,000,
Wes.

1780
01:10:41,958 --> 01:10:43,458
Yeah, but that's
for the whole year.

1781
01:10:43,458 --> 01:10:44,791
I'll just run to my bank, then.

1782
01:10:44,791 --> 01:10:47,541
We got to figure out a way to
get rid of him or we're done.

1783
01:10:47,541 --> 01:10:49,458
Look, maybe you're worried
about nothing, right?

1784
01:10:49,458 --> 01:10:51,583
She only has a couple of days
to dig up dirt.

1785
01:10:51,583 --> 01:10:54,083
If she doesn't dig up dirt,
that's worse.

1786
01:10:54,083 --> 01:10:56,125
Eventually someone's
going to find out the truth.

1787
01:10:56,125 --> 01:10:58,208
And then Erin would just
be one of those journalists

1788
01:10:58,208 --> 01:11:00,041
that makes up fake stories.

1789
01:11:00,041 --> 01:11:02,375
Yeah, like Mario Lopez.

1790
01:11:03,416 --> 01:11:04,541
Oh.

1791
01:11:04,541 --> 01:11:07,083
Well,
look who's hitting it off.

1792
01:11:07,708 --> 01:11:10,291
I thought she was
with Gary Polisner.

1793
01:11:10,291 --> 01:11:12,208
Apparently not.

1794
01:11:12,208 --> 01:11:14,583
Hey, look,
none of my business,

1795
01:11:14,583 --> 01:11:17,375
but you should think about
chopping that off.

1796
01:11:17,958 --> 01:11:19,916
What? A haircut?

1797
01:11:19,916 --> 01:11:23,541
No, I don't know,
I mean, I'd be afraid to.

1798
01:11:23,541 --> 01:11:26,541
Why? With a face like yours,
you should have a pixie.

1799
01:11:26,541 --> 01:11:28,583
- Really?
- Yes! Look at this.

1800
01:11:29,916 --> 01:11:31,208
Okay...

1801
01:11:32,791 --> 01:11:34,166
Maybe not.

1802
01:11:34,875 --> 01:11:36,875
Down to the shoulders,
maybe mid back.

1803
01:11:37,833 --> 01:11:39,750
Yeah, I mean, yeah...

1804
01:11:39,750 --> 01:11:43,083
Honestly, I've kind of been
wanting to cut it for a while,

1805
01:11:43,083 --> 01:11:45,458
but I just feel like
this is like my thing now,

1806
01:11:45,458 --> 01:11:47,083
and everyone says
that they love it.

1807
01:11:47,083 --> 01:11:48,541
They're just being nice.

1808
01:11:50,000 --> 01:11:51,666
What, really?

1809
01:11:51,666 --> 01:11:53,166
Oh, yeah. Trust me.

1810
01:11:55,291 --> 01:11:57,958
But why would they lie to me?

1811
01:11:57,958 --> 01:12:01,541
I don't know.
People are weird, right?

1812
01:12:02,166 --> 01:12:03,750
Maybe it's hard for them
to tell you

1813
01:12:03,750 --> 01:12:05,916
you look like a freaking loon.
[chuckles]

1814
01:12:09,750 --> 01:12:12,833
Hey, Carly, whoa.

1815
01:12:12,833 --> 01:12:16,125
Look, I love your hair.
All right?

1816
01:12:16,125 --> 01:12:17,541
What I was trying to say was,

1817
01:12:17,541 --> 01:12:19,250
if you want to cut it,
you should.

1818
01:12:19,250 --> 01:12:21,541
You shouldn't care about
what anybody else thinks.

1819
01:12:22,125 --> 01:12:23,666
Look at you.

1820
01:12:23,666 --> 01:12:27,083
You're smart, you're sweet.

1821
01:12:27,083 --> 01:12:29,208
You got that cute
little muskrat face.

1822
01:12:30,041 --> 01:12:32,833
But all anybody can ever see
is your insane...

1823
01:12:32,833 --> 01:12:34,708
...ly beautiful hair.

1824
01:12:36,541 --> 01:12:39,583
Which is like the tenth best
thing you got going for you.

1825
01:12:42,333 --> 01:12:44,708
- [crashing]
- Agh! Ricky! Ricky!

1826
01:12:45,333 --> 01:12:47,916
Oh, what's happening? Ricky,
Ricky, what's happening?

1827
01:12:48,791 --> 01:12:50,791
[people exclaiming]

1828
01:12:54,625 --> 01:12:55,875
What's happen...? Ow!

1829
01:12:57,916 --> 01:13:00,208
Hey! Stop fucking bowling!

1830
01:13:00,208 --> 01:13:02,375
[shouting, commotion]

1831
01:13:03,375 --> 01:13:05,458
[machinery powers down]

1832
01:13:06,666 --> 01:13:08,458
What just happened?

1833
01:13:08,958 --> 01:13:10,833
[Erin] Oh, Carly,
that was terrible.

1834
01:13:11,333 --> 01:13:13,416
Moron!
He almost took her head off.

1835
01:13:13,416 --> 01:13:15,000
That's it. He's done.

1836
01:13:15,000 --> 01:13:17,166
I'll gladly pay 250, 300,
whatever it costs.

1837
01:13:17,166 --> 01:13:19,541
I'll get a loan, sell a kidney.
Whatever it takes.

1838
01:13:19,541 --> 01:13:20,583
He's out of here!

1839
01:13:21,750 --> 01:13:23,333
[JT] Wait a minute.

1840
01:13:23,333 --> 01:13:26,208
What if he didn't have a job
that paid him 250 grand a year?

1841
01:13:28,083 --> 01:13:29,958
Like, if he got fired.

1842
01:13:31,416 --> 01:13:34,333
[dramatic music]

1843
01:13:35,166 --> 01:13:36,708
[Summerhayes] Let's face facts.

1844
01:13:36,708 --> 01:13:40,250
We need this merger
with World River,

1845
01:13:40,250 --> 01:13:42,333
and they seem to be able
to take it or leave it.

1846
01:13:42,333 --> 01:13:45,000
Why? Well, I'll tell you why.

1847
01:13:45,000 --> 01:13:47,041
Those folks are
from San Francisco

1848
01:13:47,041 --> 01:13:49,958
and we're an old-money
New England company.

1849
01:13:49,958 --> 01:13:52,750
They think we're dinosaurs.

1850
01:13:52,750 --> 01:13:54,333
They're looking for new,

1851
01:13:54,333 --> 01:13:56,708
they're looking
for progressive.

1852
01:13:56,708 --> 01:13:59,791
So, come on. [claps]
Let's hear some ideas.

1853
01:13:59,791 --> 01:14:02,833
Dean, you're point on this.
Why don't you get us started?

1854
01:14:02,833 --> 01:14:04,333
Actually,
I was thinking that Ricky

1855
01:14:04,333 --> 01:14:06,083
should take point on this
today.

1856
01:14:06,083 --> 01:14:08,750
He's our newest employee
and he's an 'eco-hero'.

1857
01:14:08,750 --> 01:14:11,541
I like that idea.
Ricky, what do you got?

1858
01:14:12,166 --> 01:14:14,416
Well, thank you for
the vote of confidence, Dean.

1859
01:14:14,416 --> 01:14:15,958
You should run the meeting,
for sure.

1860
01:14:15,958 --> 01:14:17,875
I am just
not quite up to speed.

1861
01:14:17,875 --> 01:14:18,916
Well, that makes sense.

1862
01:14:18,916 --> 01:14:20,791
But Ricky's got something
big worked out here.

1863
01:14:20,791 --> 01:14:23,916
What'd you call it?
Um... game changer, right?

1864
01:14:23,916 --> 01:14:28,166
Game changer. Got to love that.
Ricky, what do you got?

1865
01:14:28,166 --> 01:14:29,708
I, um...

1866
01:14:29,708 --> 01:14:31,000
I, er...

1867
01:14:31,000 --> 01:14:35,000
Rick, I have a lunch
in 23 minutes.

1868
01:14:36,541 --> 01:14:38,125
Yeah.

1869
01:14:40,958 --> 01:14:42,708
Okay. [clears throat]

1870
01:14:43,500 --> 01:14:44,916
Um...

1871
01:14:45,750 --> 01:14:49,083
My area of expertize is in
non-profit humanitarian work.

1872
01:14:49,083 --> 01:14:51,041
In short, I'm a world hugger.

1873
01:14:51,750 --> 01:14:54,583
So, you know, why don't we
bring my exciting background

1874
01:14:54,583 --> 01:14:57,708
to the boring-ass world
of investment products?

1875
01:14:57,708 --> 01:15:00,041
I mean, you know,
ladies and gentlemen,

1876
01:15:00,041 --> 01:15:03,000
does for-profit
have to be for profit?

1877
01:15:03,000 --> 01:15:05,458
Well, that's the general idea.

1878
01:15:06,958 --> 01:15:08,041
Correct!

1879
01:15:08,041 --> 01:15:10,500
Ten points to the gentleman
in the conservative grey suit.

1880
01:15:11,000 --> 01:15:15,000
Er, could you please elaborate?

1881
01:15:20,791 --> 01:15:22,291
What I was saying...

1882
01:15:23,291 --> 01:15:25,166
...was, what if we took
all the money we made

1883
01:15:25,166 --> 01:15:28,375
and gave it away to poor people
and shit?

1884
01:15:29,708 --> 01:15:32,750
I'm not sure I understand that.

1885
01:15:32,750 --> 01:15:35,625
- And shit.
- I know I don't.

1886
01:15:35,625 --> 01:15:38,083
Well, think about it.

1887
01:15:38,083 --> 01:15:41,500
If we became, um, like
the Paul-Newman-salad-dressing

1888
01:15:41,500 --> 01:15:43,166
of banks,

1889
01:15:43,166 --> 01:15:45,333
the whole world would like us.

1890
01:15:45,333 --> 01:15:48,416
That is the stupidest idea
I've ever heard.

1891
01:15:48,416 --> 01:15:49,958
[executives snickering]

1892
01:15:49,958 --> 01:15:51,958
[Summerhayes]
Well, now, wait a minute.

1893
01:15:51,958 --> 01:15:53,791
Read between the lines,
Billings.

1894
01:15:53,791 --> 01:15:56,541
This is exactly what
I've been talking about.

1895
01:15:56,541 --> 01:15:59,708
Stanicky's saying
we got to shake things up.

1896
01:15:59,708 --> 01:16:00,916
Try something different.

1897
01:16:00,916 --> 01:16:02,791
No, that's not what
he's saying. He's saying...

1898
01:16:02,791 --> 01:16:04,666
What about that
Tom's company?

1899
01:16:04,666 --> 01:16:08,458
Giving away a free pair
of shoes for every pair sold.

1900
01:16:08,458 --> 01:16:11,125
I bet that sounded like
a stupid idea at first.

1901
01:16:11,125 --> 01:16:13,000
And what are they clearing?

1902
01:16:13,000 --> 01:16:16,208
170 million in revenue
last year.

1903
01:16:16,208 --> 01:16:19,208
170 million. That's impressive.

1904
01:16:20,000 --> 01:16:22,000
Now, obviously, we can't
give away all our money,

1905
01:16:22,000 --> 01:16:26,750
but we could funnel some of it
into philanthropic ventures.

1906
01:16:26,750 --> 01:16:29,375
And there have got to be
tax incentives.

1907
01:16:29,375 --> 01:16:32,541
- Yeah! Tax shit.
- Yeah.

1908
01:16:32,541 --> 01:16:34,958
We could call it, um...
Feel-Good Investing.

1909
01:16:34,958 --> 01:16:37,083
We'll show people
we're a company that cares.

1910
01:16:38,000 --> 01:16:42,833
Feel-Good Investing.
I like that. Great work, Rick.

1911
01:16:42,833 --> 01:16:44,666
Thanks, Ted.

1912
01:16:44,666 --> 01:16:46,541
[mouths silently]

1913
01:16:47,291 --> 01:16:48,791
What did you say, Ricky?

1914
01:16:49,458 --> 01:16:52,125
Oh... nothing.

1915
01:16:52,125 --> 01:16:54,875
I was just saying
"fuck you" to that guy.

1916
01:16:58,375 --> 01:17:00,208
Yeah, fuck you, Billings!

1917
01:17:00,208 --> 01:17:02,250
[laughs]

1918
01:17:02,250 --> 01:17:05,291
[executives chuckling]

1919
01:17:06,166 --> 01:17:07,916
We're just kidding.

1920
01:17:07,916 --> 01:17:09,291
But fuck you, Billings.

1921
01:17:09,291 --> 01:17:11,125
[laughter]

1922
01:17:12,333 --> 01:17:13,916
Here's what we're going to do.

1923
01:17:13,916 --> 01:17:16,375
The World River folks are
flying in Wednesday afternoon.

1924
01:17:16,375 --> 01:17:18,333
Wednesday? What?
Why Wednesday?

1925
01:17:18,333 --> 01:17:19,500
Because Wednesday night

1926
01:17:19,500 --> 01:17:21,583
we're going to have
a little summit over at my club

1927
01:17:21,583 --> 01:17:24,166
and watch Ricky's
'Hero of the Week' segment.

1928
01:17:24,166 --> 01:17:25,583
Clubs ahoy!

1929
01:17:26,875 --> 01:17:28,083
Right.

1930
01:17:28,083 --> 01:17:31,041
Now, I want you to bring
your families and your A-games.

1931
01:17:31,041 --> 01:17:33,666
Wednesday, we're going to show
these people who we are.

1932
01:17:33,666 --> 01:17:36,666
We're modern, we're fun,
we're socially conscious,

1933
01:17:36,666 --> 01:17:39,625
and we're American heroes.

1934
01:17:41,916 --> 01:17:43,583
- What is happening right now?
- I don't know.

1935
01:17:43,583 --> 01:17:45,750
I feel like Jason Bateman
in every episode of 'Ozark'.

1936
01:17:46,375 --> 01:17:48,958
Hey, boss-man?
Er, got a minute?

1937
01:17:48,958 --> 01:17:50,458
Sure!

1938
01:17:55,041 --> 01:17:57,166
Dean! JT! What it do?

1939
01:17:57,166 --> 01:17:59,541
What the...?
What are you doing here?

1940
01:17:59,541 --> 01:18:01,000
Ricky hired me.

1941
01:18:01,875 --> 01:18:03,583
- To do what?
- I don't know.

1942
01:18:03,583 --> 01:18:05,125
Help him out with stuff,
I guess.

1943
01:18:05,125 --> 01:18:07,166
Yes, I think young Wesley
shows great promise

1944
01:18:07,166 --> 01:18:08,375
as my attaché.

1945
01:18:08,375 --> 01:18:10,458
- Who's your attaché, Dean?
- I don't have an attaché.

1946
01:18:10,458 --> 01:18:11,708
I'm not a foreign diplomat.

1947
01:18:11,708 --> 01:18:14,000
Listen, you and me
need to have a chat.

1948
01:18:14,000 --> 01:18:16,125
Okay, but before we do,
I want to show you something.

1949
01:18:16,125 --> 01:18:17,208
[exasperated sigh]

1950
01:18:21,416 --> 01:18:23,833
First, thank you
for having faith

1951
01:18:23,833 --> 01:18:25,375
and believing in me today.

1952
01:18:25,375 --> 01:18:27,458
I never would've come up with
those ideas in the meeting

1953
01:18:27,458 --> 01:18:28,875
if you hadn't thrown me
into the fire.

1954
01:18:28,875 --> 01:18:30,166
Happy to do it, man.

1955
01:18:30,166 --> 01:18:32,583
I think I figured out
what the problem is.

1956
01:18:33,458 --> 01:18:34,708
What problem?

1957
01:18:34,708 --> 01:18:37,208
The whole 'not getting
the merger' thingy problem.

1958
01:18:37,208 --> 01:18:38,458
You went to one staff meeting

1959
01:18:38,458 --> 01:18:40,125
and you've got
the whole company figured out?

1960
01:18:40,125 --> 01:18:42,708
So I filmed this on my phone in
the staff meeting this morning

1961
01:18:42,708 --> 01:18:44,250
and my attaché
put it on the computer.

1962
01:18:44,250 --> 01:18:46,083
So, check it out.

1963
01:18:46,083 --> 01:18:48,708
- ...San Francisco and we...
- [Rod] See?

1964
01:18:48,708 --> 01:18:50,791
- ...old-money New England...
- You see?

1965
01:18:50,791 --> 01:18:53,541
- They're looking for...
- See what?

1966
01:18:53,541 --> 01:18:55,500
The guy's
a world-class air-dicker.

1967
01:18:55,500 --> 01:18:57,666
An air what-er?
What are you talking about?

1968
01:18:57,666 --> 01:18:59,208
Keep watching.

1969
01:18:59,208 --> 01:19:00,833
Every time
he tries to make a point,

1970
01:19:00,833 --> 01:19:03,583
it's like he puts an
invisible penis in his mouth.

1971
01:19:03,583 --> 01:19:05,750
Remember when Obama
used to power knuckle

1972
01:19:05,750 --> 01:19:06,875
to try to make that point?

1973
01:19:06,875 --> 01:19:08,541
Well, Summerhayes
does the same thing,

1974
01:19:08,541 --> 01:19:10,625
but when he does it, it's like
he's smoking invisible dongs.

1975
01:19:10,625 --> 01:19:13,708
Oh, my God,
he is an air-dicker.

1976
01:19:13,708 --> 01:19:15,083
There's a time
and a place for it,

1977
01:19:15,083 --> 01:19:16,708
but it's really hard
to get away with it

1978
01:19:16,708 --> 01:19:18,000
in a business setting.

1979
01:19:18,958 --> 01:19:21,375
Yo, let's make
a TikTok out of this!

1980
01:19:21,375 --> 01:19:22,791
[Rod chuckles]

1981
01:19:22,791 --> 01:19:25,625
What do you guys think?
Should I tell him?

1982
01:19:25,625 --> 01:19:27,166
Tell him what?

1983
01:19:27,666 --> 01:19:29,666
That he's a world-class
air-dicker.

1984
01:19:32,291 --> 01:19:34,375
- Absolutely.
- Yeah, you should.

1985
01:19:35,041 --> 01:19:39,250
[quirky music]

1986
01:19:47,000 --> 01:19:48,500
How could you work for him, dude?

1987
01:19:48,500 --> 01:19:50,208
We don't need you
exploring career opportunities

1988
01:19:50,208 --> 01:19:51,625
when he's trying
to ruin our lives.

1989
01:19:51,625 --> 01:19:53,458
First of all,
he's not ruining my life.

1990
01:19:53,458 --> 01:19:55,458
He hired me 'cause
he actually gives a shit.

1991
01:19:55,458 --> 01:19:57,125
If I didn't get off my ass
and get a job,

1992
01:19:57,125 --> 01:19:58,625
Keith was going to dump me.

1993
01:19:58,625 --> 01:20:00,625
By the way, I noticed that
my so-called real friends

1994
01:20:00,625 --> 01:20:02,000
never offered me a job.

1995
01:20:02,000 --> 01:20:04,500
[Summerhayes yelling]
Are you fucking shitting me?!

1996
01:20:08,666 --> 01:20:10,291
You two!

1997
01:20:10,291 --> 01:20:12,291
In here, now!

1998
01:20:19,000 --> 01:20:20,625
Come in, sit down.

1999
01:20:23,083 --> 01:20:25,041
Show them what you showed me.

2000
01:20:25,708 --> 01:20:27,416
I already did, Ted.

2001
01:20:28,958 --> 01:20:31,416
You knew about this
and you never said anything?

2002
01:20:32,500 --> 01:20:33,833
Well, we just thought it was...

2003
01:20:33,833 --> 01:20:36,625
It's just a mannerism. It's
really not that big of a deal.

2004
01:20:36,625 --> 01:20:38,208
Especially
in this day and age.

2005
01:20:38,208 --> 01:20:39,750
I know it's not a big deal!

2006
01:20:39,750 --> 01:20:41,916
Two of my sons are gay,
for Christ's sake!

2007
01:20:41,916 --> 01:20:44,625
And the third one's just...
working it out.

2008
01:20:44,625 --> 01:20:48,125
But I can't go into
meetings like this.

2009
01:20:48,125 --> 01:20:50,958
No wonder they're not
interested in the merger.

2010
01:20:50,958 --> 01:20:52,375
They're so flippin' distracted,

2011
01:20:52,375 --> 01:20:54,208
they haven't heard
a word I've said.

2012
01:20:54,208 --> 01:20:57,916
We don't know that you've been
doing this everywhere. I...

2013
01:20:57,916 --> 01:21:00,291
As far as we know, you just
did it in today's meeting.

2014
01:21:00,291 --> 01:21:01,500
I'd never seen it before.

2015
01:21:02,375 --> 01:21:04,000
- Really?
- [door opens]

2016
01:21:04,000 --> 01:21:05,833
I've got the conference link.

2017
01:21:05,833 --> 01:21:06,875
[TV blips]

2018
01:21:07,791 --> 01:21:11,166
This merger will allow us

2019
01:21:11,166 --> 01:21:15,333
to further enhance
our capital efficiencies.

2020
01:21:15,833 --> 01:21:17,125
- Look at you.
- Oh, God...

2021
01:21:17,125 --> 01:21:18,625
Air-dicking left and right.

2022
01:21:18,625 --> 01:21:22,250
There are companies out there
who want to get bigger.

2023
01:21:22,250 --> 01:21:25,291
There are companies out
there who want to get smaller.

2024
01:21:25,291 --> 01:21:27,250
You just air-dicked four times
in ten seconds.

2025
01:21:27,250 --> 01:21:28,750
Oh, dear God, it's true.

2026
01:21:28,750 --> 01:21:33,833
On the other hand,
to support everything we do...

2027
01:21:33,833 --> 01:21:37,000
Oh, God! Now it looks like
I'm cupping the balls.

2028
01:21:37,000 --> 01:21:40,000
...with knowledge and planning.

2029
01:21:40,000 --> 01:21:41,791
[Summerhayes] Oh!

2030
01:21:41,791 --> 01:21:44,041
Hey, you're double-dongin' it.

2031
01:21:44,041 --> 01:21:47,500
...is the company
that can do both.

2032
01:21:48,041 --> 01:21:49,875
Oh, God. Get it... Turn it off.

2033
01:21:49,875 --> 01:21:51,416
- Some people say...
- [TV blips]

2034
01:21:54,500 --> 01:21:57,000
Okay, from this point forward

2035
01:21:57,000 --> 01:21:59,083
Stanicky is in charge
of the merger.

2036
01:21:59,083 --> 01:22:01,291
What? Ted, come on.

2037
01:22:01,291 --> 01:22:03,000
I've been running point on this
for nine months.

2038
01:22:03,000 --> 01:22:05,875
Yeah, and look where
it's gotten us.

2039
01:22:05,875 --> 01:22:07,916
He's been here one day and...

2040
01:22:07,916 --> 01:22:10,333
- Watch the air-dicking, Ted.
- Jesus...! [mutters]

2041
01:22:11,750 --> 01:22:13,250
Here's the bottom line.

2042
01:22:13,833 --> 01:22:15,833
Stanicky gives it
to me straight,

2043
01:22:15,833 --> 01:22:17,666
whether the news
is good or bad.

2044
01:22:17,666 --> 01:22:20,750
He's in charge.
End of discussion.

2045
01:22:24,291 --> 01:22:28,250
Oh, Jesus. Okay,
just make it go away. Just...

2046
01:22:28,250 --> 01:22:30,000
- Yep.
- Go to black.

2047
01:22:30,000 --> 01:22:31,500
- Oh, er...
- Just go to black.

2048
01:22:31,500 --> 01:22:33,875
[Philip] Yeah,
I'm pressing it but it's not...

2049
01:22:33,875 --> 01:22:35,250
- Give it to me.
- Yeah, try...

2050
01:22:35,250 --> 01:22:36,625
I don't know how
to work this thing.

2051
01:22:36,625 --> 01:22:38,666
- No, I know.
- Is there an IT guy?

2052
01:22:38,666 --> 01:22:40,625
- That's me.
- Argh, fuck!

2053
01:22:42,416 --> 01:22:44,833
Oh, Dean... [exhales heavily]

2054
01:22:44,833 --> 01:22:46,541
Despite what Ted said
back there,

2055
01:22:46,541 --> 01:22:47,708
about me being in charge,

2056
01:22:47,708 --> 01:22:49,916
I don't pretend to know more
about this company than you.

2057
01:22:49,916 --> 01:22:51,833
Well, I pretend
to know more than you,

2058
01:22:51,833 --> 01:22:53,416
but you are clearly

2059
01:22:53,416 --> 01:22:55,333
more informed
in company matters than me

2060
01:22:55,333 --> 01:22:58,375
and right now
I need your expertize.

2061
01:23:00,750 --> 01:23:02,166
What?

2062
01:23:02,166 --> 01:23:04,166
I don't want to forget this.
Okay...

2063
01:23:05,250 --> 01:23:06,541
[cell phone beeping]

2064
01:23:07,375 --> 01:23:09,500
How big of a raise
should I be asking for?

2065
01:23:11,500 --> 01:23:13,875
Fuck, fuck, fuck!

2066
01:23:14,833 --> 01:23:16,041
[Rod whimpering]

2067
01:23:16,041 --> 01:23:18,000
You're quitting! Today!

2068
01:23:18,750 --> 01:23:20,625
- What are you talking about?
- Show's over, Rod.

2069
01:23:20,625 --> 01:23:21,750
It's Ricky.

2070
01:23:21,750 --> 01:23:25,208
It's not Ricky, okay? Get it
through your head, man.

2071
01:23:25,208 --> 01:23:27,041
Ricky Stanicky isn't real.

2072
01:23:27,041 --> 01:23:29,083
Yes, he is. Here.

2073
01:23:34,291 --> 01:23:38,166
Richard Barbara Stanicky?

2074
01:23:38,166 --> 01:23:40,125
That's my grandmother's name.

2075
01:23:40,125 --> 01:23:42,000
Where the fuck
did you get this?

2076
01:23:44,458 --> 01:23:46,625
Officially changed my name.

2077
01:23:46,625 --> 01:23:49,250
Paid to expedite it online.
They overnighted it.

2078
01:23:49,916 --> 01:23:51,416
Oh, my God.

2079
01:23:51,416 --> 01:23:53,541
Come on, Dean.
See this from my side.

2080
01:23:53,541 --> 01:23:55,791
This is the role I was born
to play and I'm nailing it.

2081
01:23:55,791 --> 01:23:59,291
No, you were hired
under false pretences.

2082
01:23:59,291 --> 01:24:00,666
You lied to them.

2083
01:24:00,666 --> 01:24:02,125
No, as I recall, Dean,
you lied to them.

2084
01:24:02,125 --> 01:24:04,625
Oh, ha, ha, ha.
You got me there. [claps]

2085
01:24:04,625 --> 01:24:06,125
But you know what?
This is different.

2086
01:24:06,125 --> 01:24:07,666
You're putting
people's careers at risk.

2087
01:24:07,666 --> 01:24:09,208
Careers?

2088
01:24:09,208 --> 01:24:11,625
I've been here two days
and I'm your boss.

2089
01:24:11,625 --> 01:24:13,791
I'm talking about
Erin's career!

2090
01:24:13,791 --> 01:24:16,250
You can fool Summerhayes
with this righteous shit.

2091
01:24:16,250 --> 01:24:18,833
But I know who you really are.

2092
01:24:19,416 --> 01:24:22,750
You're Rock Hard Rod!
The drunk.

2093
01:24:26,500 --> 01:24:28,000
Yeah. [sniffles]

2094
01:24:30,208 --> 01:24:31,833
I was a drunk.

2095
01:24:32,833 --> 01:24:35,458
Nobody respected me. My job
sucked. I had no friends.

2096
01:24:36,375 --> 01:24:38,000
But now I have
all those things.

2097
01:24:38,000 --> 01:24:40,666
And I'm sober. All right?

2098
01:24:41,916 --> 01:24:43,958
And if I leave here,
it all goes away.

2099
01:24:48,000 --> 01:24:52,750
My whole life, all I've
ever been is a shit baby.

2100
01:24:54,000 --> 01:24:55,916
[poignant music]

2101
01:24:55,916 --> 01:24:59,916
And now I get to be somebody
people actually like.

2102
01:25:03,333 --> 01:25:05,500
Don't take that away
from me, man. Please.

2103
01:25:13,375 --> 01:25:17,333
Look, this has to end.

2104
01:25:23,208 --> 01:25:25,500
- [crashing]
- [grunting]

2105
01:25:25,500 --> 01:25:28,083
What the fuck are you doing?
Stop! Stop! Hey, hey!

2106
01:25:28,083 --> 01:25:29,833
- [slapping]
- Argh! Hey, okay!

2107
01:25:29,833 --> 01:25:32,375
If I go back, they'll kill me.
If I go back, they'll kill me.

2108
01:25:32,375 --> 01:25:33,583
What?!

2109
01:25:33,583 --> 01:25:35,416
If I go back to Atlantic City,
they'll kill me.

2110
01:25:35,416 --> 01:25:37,125
- Who?
- The Sasquatch

2111
01:25:37,125 --> 01:25:38,875
and his Joe Pesce buddy
from the casino.

2112
01:25:38,875 --> 01:25:40,375
I told you
they were crazy fans.

2113
01:25:40,375 --> 01:25:42,583
They're crazy.
They're not fans.

2114
01:25:43,583 --> 01:25:46,000
Why? What did you do?

2115
01:25:46,000 --> 01:25:47,875
I don't know.

2116
01:25:47,875 --> 01:25:50,333
I used to drink and black out,
it could be anything.

2117
01:25:51,458 --> 01:25:52,958
One day I woke up
after a five-day bender,

2118
01:25:52,958 --> 01:25:54,208
I was a manager of an Arby's.

2119
01:25:55,291 --> 01:25:57,791
Plus, I owe a lot of bad people
a lot of money.

2120
01:25:59,583 --> 01:26:00,791
[scoffs lightly]

2121
01:26:04,333 --> 01:26:05,916
You were right, man.

2122
01:26:06,916 --> 01:26:08,458
It's my fault.

2123
01:26:10,833 --> 01:26:12,500
It's... it's my fault.

2124
01:26:15,833 --> 01:26:17,916
Wow.

2125
01:26:17,916 --> 01:26:19,458
I had everything.

2126
01:26:20,250 --> 01:26:23,083
I had good friends.
I had a great job.

2127
01:26:24,541 --> 01:26:26,708
The most kind-hearted,

2128
01:26:26,708 --> 01:26:29,208
beautiful person
in the whole world loved me.

2129
01:26:30,208 --> 01:26:31,583
[sighs heavily]

2130
01:26:31,583 --> 01:26:33,833
Erin's the best thing
that ever happened to me.

2131
01:26:35,500 --> 01:26:37,208
I'm going to lose it all.

2132
01:26:39,208 --> 01:26:42,208
[door opens and closes]

2133
01:26:42,208 --> 01:26:44,416
♪ She gave you flowers ♪

2134
01:26:44,416 --> 01:26:47,041
♪ She gave you
Pretty melodies... ♪

2135
01:26:49,041 --> 01:26:51,208
I'll never understand why you
don't just tell her the truth.

2136
01:26:52,750 --> 01:26:54,500
I think it's a little late
for that, Wes.

2137
01:26:56,458 --> 01:26:57,916
No, it's not.

2138
01:26:58,833 --> 01:27:01,250
[TV reporter] That was
Steve Smith in Washington.

2139
01:27:01,250 --> 01:27:02,916
And tomorrow night at 7 p.m.

2140
01:27:02,916 --> 01:27:05,916
we present
our Hero of the Week.

2141
01:27:10,250 --> 01:27:14,000
Seconds on steak fries?
Uh, yeah!

2142
01:27:14,000 --> 01:27:16,250
[up-tempo jingle plays]

2143
01:27:16,250 --> 01:27:17,958
[announcer]
Visit your local Red Robin

2144
01:27:17,958 --> 01:27:20,875
to try our new
bottomless steak fries.

2145
01:27:21,708 --> 01:27:22,791
I swear to God, man,

2146
01:27:22,791 --> 01:27:24,625
Stanicky's like one of
those trick birthday candles -

2147
01:27:24,625 --> 01:27:26,625
no matter how hard
I try to blow him out,

2148
01:27:26,625 --> 01:27:27,833
he just keeps coming back.

2149
01:27:32,541 --> 01:27:34,208
Dean, I love you
like a brother,

2150
01:27:34,208 --> 01:27:36,208
but you got one major flaw.

2151
01:27:36,208 --> 01:27:37,666
Hmm?

2152
01:27:37,666 --> 01:27:39,041
You lie too much.

2153
01:27:40,708 --> 01:27:42,500
I lie too much?

2154
01:27:42,500 --> 01:27:44,208
What the...?

2155
01:27:44,208 --> 01:27:45,791
You lie just as much as me.

2156
01:27:45,791 --> 01:27:47,416
Only 'cause you make me.

2157
01:27:48,041 --> 01:27:49,916
I've been trying
to tell the truth on this one

2158
01:27:49,916 --> 01:27:51,041
from the beginning,

2159
01:27:51,041 --> 01:27:52,291
but you said no.

2160
01:27:52,291 --> 01:27:53,833
Because I was looking out
for JT.

2161
01:27:53,833 --> 01:27:55,083
I didn't want JT
to get in trouble.

2162
01:27:55,083 --> 01:27:58,041
Dude, this has
nothing to do with JT.

2163
01:27:59,125 --> 01:28:01,000
This has everything
to do with you.

2164
01:28:02,458 --> 01:28:05,500
Do you realize that Rod had a
fake life and he made it real?

2165
01:28:05,500 --> 01:28:07,458
You had a real life
and you made it fake.

2166
01:28:10,875 --> 01:28:13,250
Fuck this, man.
I don't need this shit.

2167
01:28:14,250 --> 01:28:15,958
You're not making
anything better.

2168
01:28:15,958 --> 01:28:17,791
Yo, I know you ain't
fall in no ditch.

2169
01:28:20,166 --> 01:28:21,375
What?

2170
01:28:21,375 --> 01:28:24,708
I know you didn't fall in
a ditch, that one Halloween.

2171
01:28:25,291 --> 01:28:26,875
When you broke your arm.

2172
01:28:27,375 --> 01:28:29,208
After we egged that house,

2173
01:28:29,208 --> 01:28:31,000
and we all split
in different directions,

2174
01:28:31,000 --> 01:28:33,458
I went back to your place
to see if you was there,

2175
01:28:33,458 --> 01:28:35,208
and you were.

2176
01:28:36,125 --> 01:28:37,208
And I heard him.

2177
01:28:40,000 --> 01:28:42,208
I heard what he did to you.

2178
01:28:43,875 --> 01:28:46,083
That was an accident.
He was drunk.

2179
01:28:46,083 --> 01:28:48,708
See, there you go again.
You're lying.

2180
01:28:49,416 --> 01:28:52,958
Dude, I understand you
grew up in a fucked-up house

2181
01:28:52,958 --> 01:28:55,125
and you had
a fucked-up father,

2182
01:28:55,125 --> 01:28:57,500
and that's why you slept over
at me and JT's house,

2183
01:28:57,500 --> 01:28:59,208
and that's probably why
you started a lie.

2184
01:28:59,208 --> 01:29:00,416
To protect yourself.

2185
01:29:00,416 --> 01:29:02,750
But you're not
that boy anymore,

2186
01:29:02,750 --> 01:29:04,250
and you're letting
this shitty stuff

2187
01:29:04,250 --> 01:29:06,000
turn you into a shitty person,
and that's not you.

2188
01:29:07,500 --> 01:29:09,458
If you just tell Erin
the truth,

2189
01:29:09,458 --> 01:29:11,375
she won't hurt you.

2190
01:29:17,458 --> 01:29:21,208
[slow mellow music]

2191
01:29:35,416 --> 01:29:37,416
[car accelerating]

2192
01:29:37,416 --> 01:29:39,875
["Paint a Lady"
by Susan Christie plays]

2193
01:29:39,875 --> 01:29:44,875
♪ Night has fallen quickly
On the carnival in town ♪

2194
01:29:45,500 --> 01:29:47,958
♪ The cotton candy maker ♪

2195
01:29:47,958 --> 01:29:51,458
♪ Is the last
To leave the ground ♪

2196
01:29:51,458 --> 01:29:54,000
♪ Shuts his tiny wagon ♪

2197
01:29:54,000 --> 01:29:57,333
♪ And goes to
A room somewhere ♪

2198
01:29:57,333 --> 01:30:00,041
♪ His life's
Like cotton candy ♪

2199
01:30:00,041 --> 01:30:03,708
♪ An illusion
Not much there... ♪

2200
01:30:05,375 --> 01:30:07,791
Hey. Where were you?

2201
01:30:08,625 --> 01:30:10,541
I was worried about you.

2202
01:30:13,541 --> 01:30:15,333
I tried to call you.

2203
01:30:18,500 --> 01:30:20,708
Listen, Erin...

2204
01:30:22,458 --> 01:30:24,333
...you can't let them
run your story.

2205
01:30:24,333 --> 01:30:26,416
Yeah, well, it's a little
too late for that.

2206
01:30:26,416 --> 01:30:28,291
No, you don't understand.

2207
01:30:29,166 --> 01:30:32,041
Is there a way that you can
postpone it or pre-empt it?

2208
01:30:32,041 --> 01:30:34,083
Is that what they say
in your business? 'Pre-empt'?

2209
01:30:34,083 --> 01:30:35,583
'Cause there's a lot of things

2210
01:30:35,583 --> 01:30:37,041
that you need to know
about Ricky.

2211
01:30:37,041 --> 01:30:38,666
You mean Rock Hard Rod?

2212
01:30:40,500 --> 01:30:42,208
Don't look so surprised, Dean.

2213
01:30:43,000 --> 01:30:45,791
I'm a good reporter, you
said so yourself, remember?

2214
01:30:46,875 --> 01:30:48,125
Yeah, I know you are.

2215
01:30:48,125 --> 01:30:49,875
I figured it out at the bris.

2216
01:30:52,625 --> 01:30:54,791
Nairobi?

2217
01:30:54,791 --> 01:30:59,083
You said he had to fly back
to help fight Ebola,

2218
01:30:59,083 --> 01:31:01,916
but there hasn't been
an Ebola case

2219
01:31:01,916 --> 01:31:03,458
anywhere in the last four years

2220
01:31:03,458 --> 01:31:05,583
and definitely never
in Nairobi.

2221
01:31:05,583 --> 01:31:07,125
They actually have
a vaccine now.

2222
01:31:09,375 --> 01:31:10,416
That's good.

2223
01:31:10,916 --> 01:31:13,375
Ricky showed me your bible.

2224
01:31:14,291 --> 01:31:15,750
It's pathetic.

2225
01:31:16,416 --> 01:31:18,083
You guys lied so you could

2226
01:31:18,083 --> 01:31:20,166
go to
the Little League World Series,

2227
01:31:20,166 --> 01:31:22,708
the Lebowski Fest,
a tiny train museum.

2228
01:31:24,750 --> 01:31:26,208
Wes likes trains.

2229
01:31:26,208 --> 01:31:28,041
You went to Dollywood, twice!

2230
01:31:28,666 --> 01:31:31,333
Why didn't you take me
with you? I love Dolly Parton.

2231
01:31:31,875 --> 01:31:33,666
I'm sorry. I didn't know that.

2232
01:31:33,666 --> 01:31:36,333
What bothers me more
than the lies

2233
01:31:36,333 --> 01:31:39,333
is why you told them
in the first place.

2234
01:31:41,625 --> 01:31:43,791
You were running from me.

2235
01:31:44,916 --> 01:31:46,250
From us.

2236
01:31:46,250 --> 01:31:48,375
No. No, that's not true.

2237
01:31:48,375 --> 01:31:51,791
Well, it doesn't matter
anymore, Dean.

2238
01:31:53,000 --> 01:31:54,875
It's too late.

2239
01:31:59,125 --> 01:32:02,208
[soft pensive music]

2240
01:32:13,333 --> 01:32:15,000
[Wes] I just want
this day to be over.

2241
01:32:15,000 --> 01:32:16,708
Me too.

2242
01:32:16,708 --> 01:32:19,750
What if he chickened out? What
if he's going to bail on us?

2243
01:32:19,750 --> 01:32:21,166
Where is Dean?

2244
01:32:21,166 --> 01:32:23,916
He's, uh, on his...
He'll be here any minute.

2245
01:32:23,916 --> 01:32:25,458
And where is Ricky?

2246
01:32:25,458 --> 01:32:27,208
The World River execs
want to meet him.

2247
01:32:27,208 --> 01:32:31,041
Also on his way.
His attaché is here, so...

2248
01:32:31,958 --> 01:32:33,291
Hi.

2249
01:32:34,666 --> 01:32:37,375
[gentle classical music plays]

2250
01:32:37,375 --> 01:32:39,000
[Summerhayes] So,
where were we?

2251
01:32:41,875 --> 01:32:44,791
[downbeat music]

2252
01:32:47,166 --> 01:32:49,291
[sighing]

2253
01:33:00,708 --> 01:33:02,083
[JT] Hey!

2254
01:33:02,708 --> 01:33:04,208
Where the hell
have you been?

2255
01:33:04,208 --> 01:33:05,458
The show starts
in three minutes.

2256
01:33:05,458 --> 01:33:07,083
Summerhayes wants Ricky
to introduce it.

2257
01:33:07,083 --> 01:33:08,666
- Where is this guy?
- There's no show.

2258
01:33:08,666 --> 01:33:10,125
What?

2259
01:33:10,125 --> 01:33:12,666
Ricky was never
going to be Hero of the Week.

2260
01:33:13,208 --> 01:33:14,958
Erin knew all along.

2261
01:33:14,958 --> 01:33:16,041
Knew what?

2262
01:33:16,041 --> 01:33:18,750
That Ricky was a fake.
She figured it out at the bris.

2263
01:33:18,750 --> 01:33:20,791
So she was lying to us?

2264
01:33:20,791 --> 01:33:22,708
Well, that's pretty
fuckin' low.

2265
01:33:23,291 --> 01:33:25,041
Are you an idiot?

2266
01:33:26,250 --> 01:33:28,083
What are we going to tell
Summerhayes?

2267
01:33:29,583 --> 01:33:30,708
The truth.

2268
01:33:30,708 --> 01:33:33,208
Dean, come on.
Don't do that. Dean!

2269
01:33:34,666 --> 01:33:36,291
[Summerhayes]
Good evening, everyone.

2270
01:33:36,291 --> 01:33:38,791
Thank you all for coming out.
Thank you.

2271
01:33:38,791 --> 01:33:40,875
- [applause]
- Thank you.

2272
01:33:40,875 --> 01:33:44,750
I see a lot of old friends
out here tonight,

2273
01:33:44,750 --> 01:33:46,250
and a lot of new friends.

2274
01:33:46,250 --> 01:33:49,458
And I see two great companies

2275
01:33:49,458 --> 01:33:50,791
that can...

2276
01:33:50,791 --> 01:33:54,250
...can, uh,
do wonderful things.

2277
01:33:54,250 --> 01:33:57,000
I was hoping that the man
of the hour, Ricky Stanicky,

2278
01:33:57,000 --> 01:34:01,208
would be here to introduce
this MFMBC Heroes segment.

2279
01:34:01,208 --> 01:34:04,375
- Ted, can I say something?
- Yes, absolutely. Yes, please.

2280
01:34:04,375 --> 01:34:05,583
Dean Stanton,

2281
01:34:05,583 --> 01:34:07,500
our Vice President
of Investor Relations.

2282
01:34:07,500 --> 01:34:08,583
Dean.

2283
01:34:08,583 --> 01:34:11,583
[applause]

2284
01:34:21,291 --> 01:34:22,833
Um...

2285
01:34:23,625 --> 01:34:26,666
Unfortunately,
MFMBC has decided

2286
01:34:26,666 --> 01:34:29,583
not to profile
Ricky Stanicky as a hero.

2287
01:34:29,583 --> 01:34:32,041
- Ha...
- [guests whispering]

2288
01:34:32,041 --> 01:34:34,041
The reason being...

2289
01:34:35,250 --> 01:34:37,375
...that Ricky Stanicky's
not a hero.

2290
01:34:39,875 --> 01:34:42,041
He's not even a real person.

2291
01:34:45,208 --> 01:34:47,208
I made him up.

2292
01:34:47,208 --> 01:34:49,416
Motherfucker!

2293
01:34:49,416 --> 01:34:51,750
[guests murmuring]

2294
01:34:54,541 --> 01:34:56,291
I lied to all of you.

2295
01:34:58,125 --> 01:35:00,291
And I have no excuses.

2296
01:35:03,666 --> 01:35:05,166
I'm sorry, Ted.

2297
01:35:06,041 --> 01:35:08,041
You don't deserve this.

2298
01:35:09,833 --> 01:35:11,458
I'd also like to
apologize to everyone

2299
01:35:11,458 --> 01:35:13,916
who came out here
from San Francisco.

2300
01:35:15,208 --> 01:35:18,083
Summerhayes Financial
is an excellent company.

2301
01:35:19,291 --> 01:35:20,958
Please don't let
my actions destroy

2302
01:35:20,958 --> 01:35:23,375
what could be
a great partnership.

2303
01:35:28,375 --> 01:35:30,250
[guests murmuring]

2304
01:35:31,208 --> 01:35:32,958
What the fuck did he just say?

2305
01:35:33,458 --> 01:35:35,166
[whispers] I don't know
what to do.

2306
01:35:35,166 --> 01:35:36,250
[Leona] I told you...

2307
01:35:36,250 --> 01:35:38,166
[Susan] Where is that
pumpkin-headed piece of shit?

2308
01:35:38,750 --> 01:35:40,541
I don't get it.

2309
01:35:40,541 --> 01:35:42,041
If the show wasn't for real,

2310
01:35:42,041 --> 01:35:43,666
then why'd the news crew
come in?

2311
01:35:45,333 --> 01:35:47,916
- What news crew?
- Yesterday.

2312
01:35:47,916 --> 01:35:49,291
While you were at lunch,

2313
01:35:49,291 --> 01:35:50,916
this crew came in
and interviewed Ricky.

2314
01:35:50,916 --> 01:35:52,625
I helped
set the whole thing up.

2315
01:36:00,958 --> 01:36:04,333
Dean, don't worry about
cleaning out your office.

2316
01:36:04,333 --> 01:36:06,583
We'll box it up for ya...

2317
01:36:06,583 --> 01:36:08,125
and then burn it.

2318
01:36:08,625 --> 01:36:11,791
[indistinct arguing]

2319
01:36:11,791 --> 01:36:13,666
[Stan Grant] I'm standing
outside the offices

2320
01:36:13,666 --> 01:36:15,250
of Summerhayes Financial,

2321
01:36:15,250 --> 01:36:16,500
an esteemed institution

2322
01:36:16,500 --> 01:36:19,125
in downtown Providence,
Rhode Island.

2323
01:36:19,125 --> 01:36:22,625
And that
is Richard Barbara Stanicky.

2324
01:36:22,625 --> 01:36:24,500
Think of us as the bookies
and you're the gambler.

2325
01:36:24,500 --> 01:36:27,250
We're the nice bookies, not the
throw-you-off-the bridge type.

2326
01:36:27,250 --> 01:36:29,333
[Stan Grant] After several
years helping the less...

2327
01:36:29,333 --> 01:36:31,125
Why the hell is this still on?!

2328
01:36:31,125 --> 01:36:33,208
[Stan Grant] ...charity,
he's now the newest

2329
01:36:33,208 --> 01:36:35,875
and one of the most
highly paid executives

2330
01:36:35,875 --> 01:36:37,750
at Summerhayes Financial.

2331
01:36:38,666 --> 01:36:40,166
Where's the AV guy?

2332
01:36:40,166 --> 01:36:43,166
- Oh, that's me.
- I thought you were the IT guy.

2333
01:36:43,166 --> 01:36:44,583
I'm both.

2334
01:36:44,583 --> 01:36:45,666
[remote buzzes]

2335
01:36:45,666 --> 01:36:47,541
[Stan Grant] But there's
something you should know

2336
01:36:47,541 --> 01:36:49,583
about this highly successful
executive.

2337
01:36:50,250 --> 01:36:51,916
He's a complete fraud.

2338
01:36:51,916 --> 01:36:54,000
I'm Ted Summerhayes...

2339
01:36:54,000 --> 01:36:55,166
[Stan Grant] That's right.

2340
01:36:55,166 --> 01:36:57,791
Ricky Stanicky
is actually Rodney Rimestead,

2341
01:36:57,791 --> 01:37:00,250
a pornographic
rock'n'roll impersonator

2342
01:37:00,250 --> 01:37:02,416
from Atlantic City, New Jersey,

2343
01:37:02,416 --> 01:37:06,250
who goes by the name
of Rock Hard Rod.

2344
01:37:06,250 --> 01:37:10,541
We caught up with Mr. Rimestead
to find out how he came to be

2345
01:37:10,541 --> 01:37:13,000
the businessman
'Ricky Stanicky'.

2346
01:37:13,000 --> 01:37:16,583
I was hanging around
a casino bar in Atlantic City.

2347
01:37:16,583 --> 01:37:19,875
No money, no friends,
no respect.

2348
01:37:19,875 --> 01:37:21,500
I was an alcoholic.

2349
01:37:22,083 --> 01:37:24,666
I am... I am an alcoholic.

2350
01:37:25,666 --> 01:37:27,916
And I was doing
whatever I could to get by.

2351
01:37:28,416 --> 01:37:33,083
♪ Cum a, cum a, cum a
Come in my sock again ♪

2352
01:37:33,083 --> 01:37:35,583
♪ It's filled with loads ♪

2353
01:37:35,583 --> 01:37:36,625
Oh, God.

2354
01:37:36,625 --> 01:37:38,875
♪ It's filled with loads... ♪

2355
01:37:38,875 --> 01:37:42,458
And that night, I met
Dean Stanton and his friends.

2356
01:37:43,416 --> 01:37:45,666
They bought me food, drink.

2357
01:37:46,333 --> 01:37:48,833
They asked me who I was,
they really seemed to care.

2358
01:37:48,833 --> 01:37:51,041
And as Rod would discover,
they did care.

2359
01:37:52,666 --> 01:37:54,708
[car approaching]

2360
01:37:58,875 --> 01:38:00,500
[Wes] Dean!

2361
01:38:01,166 --> 01:38:02,958
You got to see this!

2362
01:38:02,958 --> 01:38:05,833
Within days,
Dean Stanton and his friends

2363
01:38:05,833 --> 01:38:07,375
would reach out again.

2364
01:38:07,375 --> 01:38:08,791
I couldn't believe they called.

2365
01:38:08,791 --> 01:38:10,125
These are people
I met only once

2366
01:38:10,125 --> 01:38:11,250
and only for a few minutes,

2367
01:38:11,250 --> 01:38:14,375
and here they were offering me
the opportunity of a lifetime.

2368
01:38:14,375 --> 01:38:16,833
And what was that opportunity?

2369
01:38:16,833 --> 01:38:20,125
Simply to become
'Ricky Stanicky'.

2370
01:38:20,125 --> 01:38:22,166
[Rod] They said, "You are
no longer Rod Rimestead,

2371
01:38:22,166 --> 01:38:23,291
"the loser.

2372
01:38:23,291 --> 01:38:25,625
"From here on out, you're
Ricky Stanicky, the winner."

2373
01:38:26,458 --> 01:38:27,625
That was the first time

2374
01:38:27,625 --> 01:38:29,291
somebody had ever
believed in me.

2375
01:38:29,291 --> 01:38:32,166
[Stan Grant] After relocating
Rod, now Ricky, to Providence,

2376
01:38:32,166 --> 01:38:35,916
Dean Stanton and friends set
about creating a new identity

2377
01:38:35,916 --> 01:38:39,958
for the man who'd once MC'ed
an X-rated dog show.

2378
01:38:39,958 --> 01:38:41,375
We caution you -

2379
01:38:41,375 --> 01:38:44,708
this next video may be
disturbing to some viewers.

2380
01:38:45,375 --> 01:38:47,666
♪ It's a beautiful night

2381
01:38:47,666 --> 01:38:51,000
♪ All the stars
Shining bright... ♪

2382
01:38:51,000 --> 01:38:52,875
[guests exclaiming]

2383
01:38:52,875 --> 01:38:54,666
[Carly] Oh, my God!

2384
01:38:54,666 --> 01:38:57,208
[laughing]

2385
01:38:59,291 --> 01:39:03,125
They gave me a book.
They called it their bible.

2386
01:39:03,125 --> 01:39:06,375
It was like a blueprint for how
to live as Ricky Stanicky.

2387
01:39:06,375 --> 01:39:08,291
How to live a good life.

2388
01:39:08,291 --> 01:39:10,541
How to learn from your errors.

2389
01:39:10,541 --> 01:39:13,000
I saw what I could have been.

2390
01:39:13,000 --> 01:39:14,541
What I'd missed.

2391
01:39:15,166 --> 01:39:17,000
And the more and more
I read their bible,

2392
01:39:17,000 --> 01:39:18,041
the more I realized

2393
01:39:18,041 --> 01:39:19,625
this doesn't have to be
just a dream.

2394
01:39:19,625 --> 01:39:21,791
[Stan Grant] And so 'Ricky'
stopped drinking

2395
01:39:21,791 --> 01:39:24,041
and started respecting himself.

2396
01:39:24,041 --> 01:39:28,000
Soon he had a job here
at Summerhayes Financial.

2397
01:39:28,000 --> 01:39:29,958
Dean introduced me
to Ted Summerhayes.

2398
01:39:29,958 --> 01:39:31,041
He's one of those rich guys

2399
01:39:31,041 --> 01:39:32,833
who's gotta whip out
his big swinging super-yacht

2400
01:39:32,833 --> 01:39:35,000
- to show you how rich he is.
- Oh, God...

2401
01:39:35,000 --> 01:39:37,250
But, on the other hand,
the guy's got a heart of gold.

2402
01:39:37,250 --> 01:39:39,500
We started Feel-Good Investing.

2403
01:39:39,500 --> 01:39:42,083
And then, through Dean,
I met more and more friends.

2404
01:39:43,125 --> 01:39:45,625
I met a beautiful girl,
with a beautiful soul.

2405
01:39:45,625 --> 01:39:47,083
Aw.

2406
01:39:47,083 --> 01:39:48,708
And I had a life.

2407
01:39:49,291 --> 01:39:51,041
I became 'Ricky Stanicky'.

2408
01:39:51,041 --> 01:39:53,041
And somewhere
in the middle of it all,

2409
01:39:53,041 --> 01:39:57,041
the line between the mythical
and the real had blurred.

2410
01:39:57,041 --> 01:40:01,375
And that's how, improbably,
a drunken Atlantic City reject

2411
01:40:01,375 --> 01:40:05,416
found himself blessed with
a new life in the Ocean State.

2412
01:40:05,416 --> 01:40:08,541
Hero? Me? No. No.

2413
01:40:08,541 --> 01:40:10,000
If there's a hero
to this story,

2414
01:40:10,000 --> 01:40:11,625
it's the men
who saved my life.

2415
01:40:11,625 --> 01:40:15,083
Dean Stanton, JT Levine
and Wes... something.

2416
01:40:15,833 --> 01:40:18,208
[Stan Grant] A story that
started out fraudulently,

2417
01:40:18,208 --> 01:40:20,291
somehow, miraculously,

2418
01:40:20,291 --> 01:40:24,625
became a tale of
redemption, rebirth and love.

2419
01:40:24,625 --> 01:40:27,958
Because he believed
that anybody at any time

2420
01:40:27,958 --> 01:40:30,708
can become
the person they want to be,

2421
01:40:30,708 --> 01:40:35,166
we choose Ricky Stanicky
as our Hero of the Week.

2422
01:40:35,166 --> 01:40:37,875
[cheering and applause]

2423
01:40:41,041 --> 01:40:44,291
[guests chanting] Ricky!
Ricky! Ricky!

2424
01:40:48,166 --> 01:40:52,500
♪ If you're going to
San Francisco... ♪

2425
01:40:52,500 --> 01:40:53,791
Well...

2426
01:40:53,791 --> 01:40:56,250
you came out of this smelling
like a rose, didn't ya?

2427
01:40:56,250 --> 01:40:58,250
How do you think
it makes me look?

2428
01:40:58,250 --> 01:41:00,166
Are you kidding me?!

2429
01:41:00,166 --> 01:41:02,708
Such a wonderful
and inspirational story, Ted.

2430
01:41:02,708 --> 01:41:04,916
Great job Ted,
and you too, Dean.

2431
01:41:04,916 --> 01:41:06,541
Oh, I... I didn't do it.

2432
01:41:06,541 --> 01:41:09,666
Summerhayes. I like the people
you surround yourself with.

2433
01:41:09,666 --> 01:41:12,375
I mean, the concept
of second chances

2434
01:41:12,375 --> 01:41:14,458
and feeling good
about your investments -

2435
01:41:14,458 --> 01:41:16,250
that's something
we're trying to achieve.

2436
01:41:16,916 --> 01:41:19,500
Well, that's... what we do.

2437
01:41:19,500 --> 01:41:22,083
Truth is, it was Ted
who saw the potential in Ricky.

2438
01:41:22,083 --> 01:41:24,125
It was also his idea
to start partnering

2439
01:41:24,125 --> 01:41:26,000
with more charitable
organizations.

2440
01:41:26,666 --> 01:41:29,208
- I just saw the tax incentives.
- [executives laugh]

2441
01:41:29,208 --> 01:41:31,666
You're a humble
son of a bitch, aren't ya?

2442
01:41:31,666 --> 01:41:33,041
Ah...

2443
01:41:33,041 --> 01:41:34,125
So, do we have a deal?

2444
01:41:34,958 --> 01:41:36,375
I don't know.

2445
01:41:36,375 --> 01:41:38,583
Dean, what do you think?

2446
01:41:41,625 --> 01:41:42,958
We have a deal.

2447
01:41:42,958 --> 01:41:45,125
- Absolutely, we have a deal.
- Yeah, we have a deal.

2448
01:41:45,125 --> 01:41:46,583
- Great.
- Wonderful.

2449
01:41:47,791 --> 01:41:50,750
You let your made-up friend
circumcise our child?

2450
01:41:51,750 --> 01:41:54,083
Honey, he worked
at Beefsteak Charlie's.

2451
01:41:54,083 --> 01:41:55,541
Beefsteak...

2452
01:41:56,125 --> 01:41:57,625
That is it.

2453
01:41:57,625 --> 01:41:59,291
You are camping out
in the backyard

2454
01:41:59,291 --> 01:42:00,416
for the next six months.

2455
01:42:00,416 --> 01:42:01,791
Okay. Okay.

2456
01:42:01,791 --> 01:42:04,333
Very reasonable.
That's more than fair.

2457
01:42:04,333 --> 01:42:06,333
It's going to be great.
Thank you.

2458
01:42:06,333 --> 01:42:08,083
- [woman] Perfect.
- [Summerhayes] Thank you.

2459
01:42:14,958 --> 01:42:16,500
I don't understand.

2460
01:42:17,000 --> 01:42:19,041
How did this happen?

2461
01:42:19,041 --> 01:42:20,541
Well...

2462
01:42:20,541 --> 01:42:23,083
When I found out
what you did, I was pissed.

2463
01:42:24,500 --> 01:42:27,875
I told you I sold the story to
MFMBC just to fuck with you.

2464
01:42:28,875 --> 01:42:32,125
But when Ricky was hired
at Summerhayes, I thought,

2465
01:42:32,125 --> 01:42:36,000
wait a minute, maybe there
actually is a story here.

2466
01:42:36,000 --> 01:42:38,291
So I pitched it
to my producer at Channel 6.

2467
01:42:38,291 --> 01:42:40,041
They told their friend
at MFMBC

2468
01:42:40,041 --> 01:42:42,041
and they gave me
the green light.

2469
01:42:44,125 --> 01:42:46,250
All those lies, Erin...

2470
01:42:50,416 --> 01:42:52,375
Can you ever forgive me?

2471
01:42:57,166 --> 01:42:59,333
It's definitely not
going to be easy.

2472
01:43:01,041 --> 01:43:02,250
But...

2473
01:43:03,458 --> 01:43:04,833
...this helps.

2474
01:43:05,500 --> 01:43:07,625
[Dean on recording]
I had everything.

2475
01:43:07,625 --> 01:43:09,666
I had good friends.
I had a great job.

2476
01:43:11,958 --> 01:43:13,750
The most kind-hearted,

2477
01:43:13,750 --> 01:43:16,583
beautiful person
in the whole world loved me.

2478
01:43:16,583 --> 01:43:18,666
[heavy sighing]

2479
01:43:18,666 --> 01:43:21,166
Erin's the best thing
that ever happened to me.

2480
01:43:22,125 --> 01:43:23,125
[cell phone clicks]

2481
01:43:24,375 --> 01:43:26,666
Ricky sent it to me today.

2482
01:43:30,333 --> 01:43:32,875
Here we go, here we go,
here we go...

2483
01:43:32,875 --> 01:43:34,041
Who's that?

2484
01:43:34,041 --> 01:43:36,291
[tense music]

2485
01:43:36,291 --> 01:43:38,416
[shouting] Ricky! Look out!

2486
01:43:39,125 --> 01:43:40,958
[tense music swells]

2487
01:43:43,875 --> 01:43:45,708
- [Dean grunts]
- [thudding]

2488
01:43:45,708 --> 01:43:48,083
Did that go how you
thought it would, wanker?!

2489
01:43:49,166 --> 01:43:52,791
Here, Rimestead!
You've officially been served.

2490
01:43:53,583 --> 01:43:54,958
What the...?

2491
01:43:55,916 --> 01:43:57,083
What's this?

2492
01:43:57,083 --> 01:44:00,041
This is a cease-and-desist
order from Billy Idol.

2493
01:44:00,041 --> 01:44:01,041
Yeah?

2494
01:44:01,041 --> 01:44:02,750
If you disgrace
any of his songs

2495
01:44:02,750 --> 01:44:05,458
with your disgusting lyrics
ever again,

2496
01:44:05,458 --> 01:44:06,791
we'll see you in court.

2497
01:44:06,791 --> 01:44:08,000
Huh?

2498
01:44:09,500 --> 01:44:10,666
Yeah.

2499
01:44:14,458 --> 01:44:16,000
So Billy Idol saw my act?

2500
01:44:16,000 --> 01:44:17,583
Fuck off!

2501
01:44:18,875 --> 01:44:20,250
Sweet!

2502
01:44:20,791 --> 01:44:23,125
More champagne, everyone!

2503
01:44:23,125 --> 01:44:25,250
[guests cheering]

2504
01:44:26,375 --> 01:44:27,750
Billy Idol!

2505
01:44:27,750 --> 01:44:29,791
["I'm Depending On You"
by Otis Redding plays]

2506
01:44:29,791 --> 01:44:32,708
♪ I'm depending on you ♪

2507
01:44:32,708 --> 01:44:35,791
♪ Everything that you do ♪

2508
01:44:36,541 --> 01:44:40,125
♪ And I'm depending on you ♪

2509
01:44:40,125 --> 01:44:43,416
♪ Yeah, to see me through ♪

2510
01:44:43,916 --> 01:44:46,583
♪ You know that I love you... ♪

2511
01:44:46,583 --> 01:44:48,541
Is this Al Green?

2512
01:44:48,541 --> 01:44:50,166
It's Otis Redding.

2513
01:44:50,166 --> 01:44:51,625
Was Otis Redding blind?

2514
01:44:51,625 --> 01:44:54,375
- No.
- You sure?

2515
01:44:54,375 --> 01:44:57,333
- He sounds blind.
- He does sound blind.

2516
01:44:57,333 --> 01:44:58,583
He wasn't...

2517
01:44:58,583 --> 01:45:00,583
I'll take a... cranberry juice.

2518
01:45:00,583 --> 01:45:03,041
Neat. And a plate
of your crispiest calamari.

2519
01:45:03,541 --> 01:45:06,708
- Epic night, am I right, guys?
- [all] Yeah.

2520
01:45:06,708 --> 01:45:08,541
[Carly] Ricky! Get over here.

2521
01:45:09,291 --> 01:45:10,791
[Wes] Oh!

2522
01:45:11,750 --> 01:45:14,166
Time to go bump and grind
with my fiancée.

2523
01:45:14,166 --> 01:45:15,791
You're kidding, right?

2524
01:45:15,791 --> 01:45:17,208
Yeah.

2525
01:45:17,208 --> 01:45:18,791
But I don't know,
who knows, right?

2526
01:45:18,791 --> 01:45:21,416
Oh, hey,
keep Saturday afternoon open.

2527
01:45:21,416 --> 01:45:22,833
We got a ton of work to do.

2528
01:45:22,833 --> 01:45:25,625
- Work on a Saturday?
- Yeah, I signed us up.

2529
01:45:25,625 --> 01:45:27,500
We're going to help
clean up Narragansett Bay.

2530
01:45:27,500 --> 01:45:29,000
[laughing]

2531
01:45:29,000 --> 01:45:30,041
Yeah, man.

2532
01:45:30,041 --> 01:45:33,000
I'm not messing with you.
We're cleaning that shit up.

2533
01:45:39,541 --> 01:45:41,041
[Wes] Man.

2534
01:45:43,458 --> 01:45:45,000
To Ricky Stanicky.

2535
01:45:45,583 --> 01:45:47,541
To Ricky Stanicky.

2536
01:45:47,541 --> 01:45:49,500
The best friend we ever had.

2537
01:45:49,500 --> 01:45:50,625
[bottles clinking]

2538
01:45:50,625 --> 01:45:52,250
["I'm Depending On You"
fades out]

2539
01:45:52,250 --> 01:45:55,875
[The Lemon Twigs] ♪ In my head
In my head ♪

2540
01:45:55,875 --> 01:45:59,333
♪ I am different in my head ♪

2541
01:45:59,333 --> 01:46:02,708
♪ I am someone else instead ♪

2542
01:46:02,708 --> 01:46:08,666
♪ In my head
In my head ♪

2543
01:46:12,125 --> 01:46:15,583
♪ In my mind
In my mind ♪

2544
01:46:15,583 --> 01:46:19,250
♪ There is sadness
All the time ♪

2545
01:46:19,250 --> 01:46:22,916
♪ And I keep the things
I find ♪

2546
01:46:22,916 --> 01:46:29,333
♪ In my mind
In my mind ♪

2547
01:46:31,750 --> 01:46:35,750
♪ And never do I share
These things with anyone ♪

2548
01:46:35,750 --> 01:46:40,333
♪ The feeling is cold
And I'm afraid ♪

2549
01:46:40,333 --> 01:46:43,708
♪ Strangers passing, mmm ♪

2550
01:46:49,875 --> 01:46:53,541
♪ In my dream
In my dream ♪

2551
01:46:53,541 --> 01:46:57,291
♪ There are symbols
That repeat ♪

2552
01:46:57,291 --> 01:47:00,916
♪ There are copies
In the street ♪

2553
01:47:00,916 --> 01:47:06,208
♪ In my dream
In my dream ♪

2554
01:47:09,750 --> 01:47:13,666
♪ And never do I share
These things with anyone ♪

2555
01:47:13,666 --> 01:47:18,000
♪ The feeling is cold
And I'm afraid ♪

2556
01:47:18,000 --> 01:47:21,208
♪ Strangers passing, mmm. ♪

2557
01:47:22,208 --> 01:47:23,958
[song ends]

2558
01:47:25,250 --> 01:47:27,541
["Day In The Sun" plays]

2559
01:47:27,541 --> 01:47:30,333
[song by John Cafferty
& The Beaver Brown Band]

2560
01:47:41,291 --> 01:47:44,416
♪ Well, now, my engine's
Overheating ♪

2561
01:47:44,416 --> 01:47:47,791
♪ A summer traffic jam ♪

2562
01:47:49,958 --> 01:47:52,166
♪ I'll be late for work again ♪

2563
01:47:52,166 --> 01:47:56,583
♪ But I'm doing
The best that I can ♪

2564
01:47:58,500 --> 01:48:01,000
♪ Don't you look away, baby ♪

2565
01:48:02,833 --> 01:48:06,541
♪ My life just ain't
What it seems ♪

2566
01:48:06,541 --> 01:48:09,458
♪ I got such big dreams, baby ♪

2567
01:48:09,458 --> 01:48:13,625
♪ My heart's busting
At the seams ♪

2568
01:48:14,125 --> 01:48:18,458
♪ Everybody wants
A day in the sun ♪

2569
01:48:18,458 --> 01:48:22,708
♪ Like gold tequila
Shooting summer fun ♪

2570
01:48:22,708 --> 01:48:26,166
♪ I wanna be your number one ♪

2571
01:48:26,166 --> 01:48:28,791
♪ Your son of a gun ♪

2572
01:48:30,208 --> 01:48:34,166
♪ Everybody wants
A day in the sun ♪

2573
01:48:34,166 --> 01:48:38,791
♪ Don't try to tell me
That my race is run ♪

2574
01:48:38,791 --> 01:48:42,208
♪ Nothing's over, baby
Nothing done ♪

2575
01:48:42,208 --> 01:48:47,833
♪ 'Til we have won
Everybody wants one ♪

2576
01:48:48,750 --> 01:48:51,125
♪ Day in the sun ♪

2577
01:48:52,250 --> 01:48:56,583
♪ Day in the sun
With you, baby ♪

2578
01:48:56,583 --> 01:48:59,458
♪ Day in the sun with you ♪

2579
01:49:00,666 --> 01:49:04,041
♪ Day in the sun with you ♪

2580
01:49:23,375 --> 01:49:26,208
♪ Piece of work
In progress, baby ♪

2581
01:49:27,583 --> 01:49:31,000
♪ But I'm trying not
To let it show ♪

2582
01:49:31,791 --> 01:49:34,875
♪ You're my dream
Come true, baby ♪

2583
01:49:34,875 --> 01:49:38,416
♪ A dream I can't let go ♪

2584
01:49:39,041 --> 01:49:43,208
♪ Everybody wants
A day in the sun ♪

2585
01:49:43,208 --> 01:49:47,416
♪ Like gold tequila
Shooting summer fun ♪

2586
01:49:47,416 --> 01:49:51,041
♪ I wanna be your number one ♪

2587
01:49:51,041 --> 01:49:53,500
♪ Your son of a gun ♪

2588
01:49:55,166 --> 01:49:59,166
♪ Everybody wants
A day in the sun ♪

2589
01:49:59,166 --> 01:50:03,583
♪ Don't try to tell me
That my race is run ♪

2590
01:50:03,583 --> 01:50:07,250
♪ Nothing's over, baby
Nothing done ♪

2591
01:50:07,250 --> 01:50:12,958
♪ 'Til we have won
Everybody wants one ♪

2592
01:50:13,875 --> 01:50:16,625
♪ Day in the sun ♪

2593
01:50:17,250 --> 01:50:21,625
♪ Day in the sun
With you, baby ♪

2594
01:50:21,625 --> 01:50:24,375
♪ Day in the sun with you ♪

2595
01:50:25,708 --> 01:50:30,208
♪ Day in the sun
With you, baby ♪

2596
01:50:30,208 --> 01:50:33,083
♪ Day in the sun with you ♪

2597
01:50:38,375 --> 01:50:41,500
♪ Day in the sun with you ♪

2598
01:50:42,750 --> 01:50:47,166
♪ Day in the sun
With you, baby ♪

2599
01:50:47,166 --> 01:50:49,833
♪ Day in the sun with you ♪

2600
01:50:51,250 --> 01:50:55,666
♪ Day in the sun
With you, baby ♪

2601
01:50:55,666 --> 01:50:58,666
♪ Day in the sun with you. ♪

2602
01:51:10,291 --> 01:51:12,458
[song ends]

2603
01:51:13,750 --> 01:51:16,708
Before I get to that,
I would like to say this.

2604
01:51:16,708 --> 01:51:20,833
♪ I like bigger, I like smaller
I can do both ♪

2605
01:51:20,833 --> 01:51:24,458
♪ I like dinosaurs
And I like woke ♪

2606
01:51:24,458 --> 01:51:26,041
♪ That's what we have to do ♪

2607
01:51:26,041 --> 01:51:29,041
♪ Some people say you can't
But you, and you, me ♪

2608
01:51:29,041 --> 01:51:31,208
♪ All of us
Together we can stand ♪

2609
01:51:31,208 --> 01:51:33,083
♪ We'll have bigger
We'll have smaller ♪

2610
01:51:33,083 --> 01:51:35,083
♪ We can do both
Do both ♪

2611
01:51:35,083 --> 01:51:36,541
♪ We like dinosaurs ♪

2612
01:51:36,541 --> 01:51:38,416
♪ And we like woke
Like woke ♪

2613
01:51:38,416 --> 01:51:40,375
♪ To heck with the naysayers ♪

2614
01:51:40,375 --> 01:51:42,291
♪ I say we can ♪

2615
01:51:42,291 --> 01:51:45,791
♪ We will be able to narrow
Maintain and expand ♪

2616
01:51:45,791 --> 01:51:47,208
♪ We are sharks ♪

2617
01:51:47,208 --> 01:51:49,333
♪ Why? ♪

2618
01:51:49,333 --> 01:51:52,500
♪ If we don't move forward
We die ♪

2619
01:51:52,500 --> 01:51:54,166
♪ We'll have bigger
We'll have smaller ♪

2620
01:51:54,166 --> 01:51:56,166
♪ We can do both
Do both ♪

2621
01:51:56,166 --> 01:51:57,666
♪ We like dinosaurs ♪

2622
01:51:57,666 --> 01:51:59,625
♪ And we like woke
Like woke ♪

2623
01:51:59,625 --> 01:52:01,583
♪ To heck with the naysayers ♪

2624
01:52:01,583 --> 01:52:03,250
♪ I say we can ♪

2625
01:52:03,250 --> 01:52:06,666
♪ We will be able to narrow
Maintain and expand ♪

2626
01:52:06,666 --> 01:52:08,375
♪ We can do both. ♪